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Marilyn Monroe to be exhumed and remains taken to museum.

Marilyn Monroe’s estate is quickly running out of money according to a source close to her finances.  In order to keep the money flowing, the grave of Marilyn Monroe will be opened next year and her remains will be put on display in a glass box that will tour the world. “Marilyn Monroe was an autopsy case, ” said master embalmer Johann Bellis of the Society For Mortuary and Funereal Understanding.  “An autopsied body, even though it has been embalmed,

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Friends fear: “Juliette Lewis stayed mildly retarded after filming “THE OTHER SISTER.”

“She used to be a bright girl — so full of knowledge,” said a source close to What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and The Other Sister star and former gal pal to Brad Pitt Juliette Lewis. “After she played the retarded girl in that movie The Other Sister she kind of…well she kind of stayed retarded.  You could tell by the look in her eyes.  It was kind of vacant.  She didn’t look like that before and I think that’s why

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How endowed and tall are, Michael Phelps, Lebron James and Alex Rodriquez?

Lebron James, Michael Phelps, Peyton Manning and Alex Rodriguez, they are giants of their games. Lebron James towers on the basketball court, Michael Phelps is a tall drink of water in the pool, Peyton Manning reigns tall on the football field and Alex Rodriguez is at the height of his game on the baseball diamond.  So how tall are these sports super stars is not really as important as is their penis size when it comes to how the penis

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Folks say: “JULIAN ASSANGE WAS A DRAG QUEEN.”

“I used to dye his hair “Jean  Harlow blond” whenever he was in town,” said hair stylist and former male escort, Hermes Pillage of Stockholm Sweden.  “He liked his rent boys to be muscular and tattooed but he was cheap with money so usually he had to go with hustlers from the skating rink.  He is still doing the Jean harlow color every now and then, so maybe he’s still up to the old routine. “I knew that he was

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Doctors Fear: “Brett Favre needs stem cells to stop accelerated old-aging process.” Arsenio Hall offers hope.

“At his current rate of aging, we feel that Mr. Favre will be at least 90 years old by this time next year.”  said Dr. Hermet LaJeunesse of the American College of Aging and Maturation in Newark, New Jersey USA.  “We might have to use the entire $100 million dollar grant that was given to the city of Newark by the guy who invented that social networking site that is really a scam for identity theft and is rumored to

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GOD DECLARES: “Zsa Zsa Gabor’s Last Rites have expired and her husband is going to Hell.”

“When you die, you get a thing that’s kind of like a Last Rites inspection sticker,” said John Hightower, a hippy kind of a guy who almost died of an acid overdose at Woodstock in 1969 and who says he works for God and also moonlights for the Holy Spirit on weekends.   “Man, Zsa Zsa Gabor got the Last Rites like years ago, so if she dies she has to get them again because her sticker is totally expired.” As TheDamienZone.com readers

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TV CHEF LYDIA BASTIANICH SAYS, “BRENDAN FRASER AND ELENA KAGAN WERE SEPERATED AS CHILDREN.”

WHOEVER SAID THAT A HAIR TRANSPLANT LOOKS LIKE ROWS OF CORN didn’t ever conjure up the notion that someday a hair transplant would rejoin a long lost pair of siblings.  Such is the case with actor Brendan Fraser and that Supreme Court thingy Elena Kagan. “As I was doing the transplant on Brendan Fraser I started to notice something strange,” said Dr. Bosley Beasley of the Bosley Hair Transplant and Second Mortgage Clinic.  “The more hair I added to the

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HONEYMOONERS STAR JOYCE RANDOLPH ANNOUNCES BID FOR PRESIDENCY IN 2014.

Joyce Randolph, known to TV lovers as Trixie Norton, the always patient wife of Ed Norton ( Art Carney) on the iconic TV show “THE HONEYMOONERS” has announced that she is throwing her hat into the ring for a run at the US Presidency in 2014. Randolph, 89, is not letting her advanced years get in the way. “I have been around and worked my way through a lot of things,”  said the still youthful actress.  “I have suffered through the Great

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