Category Archives: Top Stories

Franco’s Home Run Stealing Ball Bully Identified!

brodFox Sports Arizona announcers Steve Berthiaume and Bob Brenly were in complete shock yesterday when a big, beer belly, pushy, bully, block-headed douche bag shoved an older woman like she was a piece of dirt in in the gutter just so he could retrieve Maikel Franco’s first home run ball at the Diamondback -Phillies game.

The big slob was later identified as Brod Kearnbleu, a 33-year-old locker room attendant and laundry manager at a men’s spa and sauna  somewhere north of downtown Philly.

“He would have pushed that poor woman over the rail to get that ball, ” said a fan who refused to be identified.  “He has some kind of weird fixation for Franco and he wanted that ball regardless of whatever he had to do to get it….and he got it.  He was walking back and forth yelling, ‘Franco, Franco, Franco.”  It was freaky, and then he shoved that old lady really hard.  You could hear him grunt. “

MORE PICS TAKEN HERE: Diamondback photia — the link might be broken now but it worked last night.

Friends of Brod Kearnbleu, who later negotiated an undisclosed deal with Franco’s entourage for the return of the ball, said that he has changed a lot in the past year and that ever since he got the job in the  sauna, he has become very obnoxious and unpredictable.

A childhood friend who only identified himself as “Greg”  had this to say:

“He’s turned into a bully over the past year and always trying to prove his masculinity.  Especially now that he moved in with his uncle.  

“All he does is worship Franco.  Something happened to him since he started working in that spa place.  He used to like baseball like a normal person but he also enjoyed art and music and he was a genuine cool guy.  Now he’s a jerk.”

According to Damien Zone sources, Brod Kearnbleu grew up in Bakersfield, California and moved to the Philadelphia area after graduating from an undisclosed two-year college where he majored in theater and landscaping design.

“I never liked the guy since the day he signed the lease,” said his landlady who prefers to be anonymous. 

“He’s like, I don’t know, I guess you would call him a meathead or something but he has a delicate and sensitive side.  He used to be somewhat likable but he’s not anymore.  

“He likes to listen to rock music all day and he’s always taking pictures too,  but then he blasts the baseball games on the TV and radio all day long most of the time.

“His uncle is a shady guy too but he pays the rent on time.  All they ever do is order take out food and they don’t recycle the cardboard Chinese boxes like they’re supposed to.  I would say that Brod has gain about 50 pounds since he moved in with his uncle.  I don’t know what’s really going on with him,  but I always say, ‘live and let live,’ especially if they pay the rent and don’t take dope. “

Brod Kearnbleu was not available for comment.

Trey Gowdy’s New Hairstyle Saves The World.

treyIn  his unyielding quest to locate Hillary Clinton’s deleted emails, South Carolina Congressman Trey Gowdy has had to pull his thinning wisps of hair into a swirling beehive — and the fashion police  LOVE IT!

“Trey is a lot like Veronica Lake,” said one Washington DC insider.

It seems that During World War II, Veronica Lake cut and pulled up her famous peekaboo locks to show American women that long hair can be a hazard on the job.

At the time many women were copying Veronica Lakes luxurious hairstyle, but since many of these women had to work in factories that supplied planes and trucks and weapons to the military for the war effort, the long hair could get caught in the machinery.

In a true patriotic attempt to hold back the Nazis and the Japanese, Veronica Lake sacrificed her golden locks for the war effort.

In a sense that is what Trey Gowdy has done.  He has wrapped his hair up in a twisted knot so he can lean close to the business of finding Hillary Clinton’s long lost emails, and for that patriotism, we salute him.

Dress Color HOAX! Yes, “Dressgate” is a HOAX!

More proof of how stupidity and dumbness is alive and very well in the world — and this time it’s all over a dress.  Heaven help us all.

dressThe latest — and most wildly aggressive – non-issue to saturate the empty sponge heads of Facebook simpletons ( a distinct ethnic group unto itself) and the various and sundry misfits throughout the electronic cloud of dumbness, involves a cheap, shitty dress that looks to be blue and black to some people, and gold and white to others.    Wow — this is serious stuff, folks.  This is freaking amazing!  It’s a geyser of important information.

The whole craze spread throughout the USA and elsewhere in one day — ONE FREAKING DAY!  The trouble is that the whole thing is a complete waste of time and one of those weird light tricks that is being passed off as hoax.

dress2“I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner,”  said Dr. Raymond Totondi of the Skylight Institute for Physiological Research in Switzerland.

“The dress seems to be obviously blue and black to a person sitting at one computer, and then it appears to be gold and yellow to others at another computer or even the same computer.  

“The color change, however, is not indicative of some brain differences or anything to do with personality or temperament as some have claimed.   That is where this meme enters into hoax territory.  It’s simple logic and knowledge about how computer screens work. 

“Make no mistake, it’s a hoax, but only because it’s being presented to the public as some eerily strange phenomenon.” 

In a nutshell, here is what Dr, Totondi explained, and why he sees this whole issue as a hoax-ish fad that will eventually die away.

Here is why it’s blue or black or gold and white, and why you should pay more attention to the color of your stool than to the color of this slutty dress.

1) A person who sees the dress as black and blue will email it to another person who sees it as gold and white.  The difference in that case is that it is being viewed by two different screens — both having different resolutions and color saturation.

2) A person who sees the dress as black and blue (which are the actual colors) will call someone over and ask them what colors they see.  Almost always the person who comes over stands over the person who is sitting at the computer.  From that angle, the appearance of saturation changes and the semi-complimentary colors of yellow and white appear.  It’s that simple.

Some enterprising — but mindless woman — put a pic on Tumblr or something and within a few hours, a billion people were arguing over the color of an ugly dress.  The dimwit  is happy because — according to Sky News – she “broke the internet.”  Good for her.

For the next year, as a Grand Prize offered by the Opposite-Of-Mensa Society,  she gets to officiate at  ribbon-cutting ceremonies at all the new Piggly Wigglys opening throughout the world.

Additionally,  she gets 1,000 new followers on Tumblr and 200 babies get free heart transplants.