Category Archives: Across America

Dress Color HOAX! Yes, “Dressgate” is a HOAX!

More proof of how stupidity and dumbness is alive and very well in the world — and this time it’s all over a dress.  Heaven help us all.

dressThe latest — and most wildly aggressive – non-issue to saturate the empty sponge heads of Facebook simpletons ( a distinct ethnic group unto itself) and the various and sundry misfits throughout the electronic cloud of dumbness, involves a cheap, shitty dress that looks to be blue and black to some people, and gold and white to others.    Wow — this is serious stuff, folks.  This is freaking amazing!  It’s a geyser of important information.

The whole craze spread throughout the USA and elsewhere in one day — ONE FREAKING DAY!  The trouble is that the whole thing is a complete waste of time and one of those weird light tricks that is being passed off as hoax.

dress2“I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner,”  said Dr. Raymond Totondi of the Skylight Institute for Physiological Research in Switzerland.

“The dress seems to be obviously blue and black to a person sitting at one computer, and then it appears to be gold and yellow to others at another computer or even the same computer.  

“The color change, however, is not indicative of some brain differences or anything to do with personality or temperament as some have claimed.   That is where this meme enters into hoax territory.  It’s simple logic and knowledge about how computer screens work. 

“Make no mistake, it’s a hoax, but only because it’s being presented to the public as some eerily strange phenomenon.” 

In a nutshell, here is what Dr, Totondi explained, and why he sees this whole issue as a hoax-ish fad that will eventually die away.

Here is why it’s blue or black or gold and white, and why you should pay more attention to the color of your stool than to the color of this slutty dress.

1) A person who sees the dress as black and blue will email it to another person who sees it as gold and white.  The difference in that case is that it is being viewed by two different screens — both having different resolutions and color saturation.

2) A person who sees the dress as black and blue (which are the actual colors) will call someone over and ask them what colors they see.  Almost always the person who comes over stands over the person who is sitting at the computer.  From that angle, the appearance of saturation changes and the semi-complimentary colors of yellow and white appear.  It’s that simple.

Some enterprising — but mindless woman — put a pic on Tumblr or something and within a few hours, a billion people were arguing over the color of an ugly dress.  The dimwit  is happy because — according to Sky News – she “broke the internet.”  Good for her.

For the next year, as a Grand Prize offered by the Opposite-Of-Mensa Society,  she gets to officiate at  ribbon-cutting ceremonies at all the new Piggly Wigglys opening throughout the world.

Additionally,  she gets 1,000 new followers on Tumblr and 200 babies get free heart transplants.

Yes — the DUMBNESS CONTINUES!

 

TV Chef Lidia Bastianich Wearing a Wig.

1041Television chef and alleged slave owner, Lidia Bastianich, has finally done away with the spray-on scalp camouflage auburn-brown for her bald head, and she can now be seen boiling shellfish alive in a buttery rissoto broth while wearing her brand new wig which she had styled by the same man who cuts MSNBC’s Chris Matthews’ real hair.

EDITOR’S NOTE:  Lidia is not wearing a wig per se,  She is wearing a man’s toupee which doesn’t blend in well with her barely existing side hair.  It is, however, nicer than the spray on hair she was using and there is no longer any danger of her dogs dying of lead poisoning from eating the paint chips on her pillow.lydia2

For years, the alleged slave owner/chef, was cursed with a head that looked like a piece of volcanic rock from Mount Vesuvius.    Of course she did have a few wisps of hair, but no one would ever eat anything she made with angel hair pasta for fear that any piece could actually be a piece of Lidia’s falling hair.

According to a source close to the bald TV chef, Lidia started having a hard time organizing dinner parties and luncheons.  Finally she faced the bald truth.

“Nobody would come. If you only knew how many times Lidia’s friends and family bit into a piece of angel hair pasta only to find that it was actually one of the last remaining strands of Lydia’s hair — and she’s no angel.  It got to the point where one could only eat her acclaimed shrimp with angel hair pasta if the guy from the barber shop was there sweeping up around the seats.”

According to what we here at The Damien Zone can measure via the HD plasma screen on which we watch Lidia Bastianich, it’s safe to assume that her head is far too huge and misshapen for most lady’s wigs.   It’s actually kind of funny to see a woman wearing a bad man’s toupee, but the food she was making looked good and the danger of hair in dish was greatly diminished.

A former slave added this little tidbit of information about Lidia’s new hair.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA“Lidia is a huge fan of MSNBC newsman Chris Matthews and when she contacted him about his hair, a style which she admires greatly, Chris referred her to his stylist Raul St. Pierre, who did the best he could to make Lidia’s toupee look like a delicate woman’s hairstyle.  Things seem to working out well,  but now that Lidia has locked the stylist in the basement of her home and making him slave over her new hair, he has no time for Chris Matthews who is starting to look a little unkempt.”

Adolph Hitler Alive in Argentina Until 1990 and Knew Pope Francis.

HitlerNew photographs and stories have appeared on the FBI website which prove that Adolph Hitler did not die in his bunker in 1945.   Not only did he live and flee to Argentina, he died in 1990 — living to the age of 101.

According to eyewitnesses, he was a quiet man who liked  to entertain guests in his lakefront home and loved to make fun of Jimmy Carter who he referred to as, The worst President in the history of the USA.”

The picture on the left is supposedly a snapshot of Hitler taken in 1977.  There are more photos here.

Pictures of Hitler are here and here.  Das Materals.  If that link doesn’t work, there is another link at the bottom of the page.

Of course there is another element to this story that is stranger than fiction.  Read it here because The Damien Zone got  the exclusive interviews.

New information has shown that the defeated Nazi leader fled Germany Days before the Russian army overran his country.  The remains that were found were impostors. There is, however, some reason to believe that Hitler’s wife Eva Braun,  may have actually been killed in the bunker to make the murder-suicide seem more realistic.

According to witnesses who are long dead, Hitler did not kill Eva himself because he placed such a high moral value on human life.  He had someone else do it.   There were witnesses to this and one stated in sworn testimony that Hitler “cringed a little” when he heard the distant gunshot that killed Eva Braun.

According to secret documents,  Hitler fled to Flores, Argentina where he went unnoticed in the crowded and squalid barrio adjacent to Buenos Aires.

According to forensic experts who are now searching for a possible grave or tomb, Hitler shaved the top of his head to appear bald, got rid of the mustache and stopped dying his hair until it grew in gray.  He also changed his named to Hans Mueller where he spoke fluent Spanish and often played with the local children who were very poor and hungry.

Hitler lived a quiet life in a small apartment in Flores for about four years and then he moved to a small lakefront home near the town of Guamini where he lived off the land with another man who has yet to be identified.

Most of the people questioned in this most recent investigation were alive as children and knew Hitler as kindly Hans Mueller who lived in a rundown house with his dog Kiki.  The local kids said he was a nice man who often patted them on the heads and told them to stay out of the sun and to avoid pawn shops.

“Each morning there was a young boy with a donkey and a cart.  His name was Jorge  Bergoglio,  He would deliver milk and eggs to Senor Hans Miller and for that he would be given small amounts of money and a prayer card,” said Herve Florinas who is now 81 and living with his life partner Ramondo in Santiago, Chile.

“As a child. I was always very jealous of Jorge Bergoglio,” continued Florinas.    He always managed to have money and nice clothes while the rest of us were starving and without shoes.  

“One day we tied him up and ate his donkey.  My father used the animal’s hide to make shoes for me and several of the children from the slums.  When Jorge found out, he screamed and cried and stomped his feet.  

“I remember vividly that Hans Mueller found this to be very funny overall but he was annoyed by Jorge’s incessant crying.  Finally Hans Mueller slapped Jorge across the face and yelled, ‘You can act like a man,’ and from then on Jorge became very quiet and religious and he wanted everybody to like him.”

The Damien Zone noticed that Herve Florina’s memory is either not what it used to be,  or maybe he is simply suffering from the ravages of being old and gay in Argentina.    In one sense Herve seemed to enjoy telling his dead donkey story in great detail and poking fun at little Jorge Mario Bergoglio.  But with regards to his brush with Hitler,  he left out the most important ingredient to his story.  Turns out that he didn’t know the best part of his own story.

While little Herve,  may have had the unique experience of knowing Adolph Hitler after WW2,  he was blissfully unaware that he was witness to the strangest paring of people, and the crossing of paths, in the history of the world.

We had to tell him the missing element to his story — one about which he was amazingly surprised.

“I did not know that Jorge Bergoglio grew up to be Pope Francis.  Oh my god, I so totally did not know that.  What a strange coincidence,” said Florinas.

“I was a little confused and hungry at the time I guess and I didn’t put two and two together.  When I knew Hans Mueller, who turned out to be Adolph Hitler, I had only just recently met my life partner in the garbage dump behind our shack.  I guess I was so in love that I didn’t pay attention to Nazis and Popes and things like that. 

“That was in 1946, and who can remember that far back?  I knew that Jorge was an annoying kid and. there was no doubt about that because that’s why we ate his donkey and made shoes with his skin, but I totally didn’t know that the little boy who delivered groceries to Adolph Hitler grew up to be Pope Francis.  Isn’t that something?”

The little boy with the donkey and groceries — Jorge Mario Bergoglio — grew up to be none other than Pope Francis.

It’s true — Pope Francis used to be Adolph Hitler’s delivery boy.

Here is the full story.  http://www.riseearth.com/2015/02/fbi-hitler-didnt-die-fled-to-argentina.html#.VOMkOIz-iDc.facebook