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Featured Across America

All The Fake Facebook People And Their Fake Steve Jobs Tributes.

“The death of Steve Jobs has put those annoying and overly maudlin Facebook status updates and page shares into over-drive.  Everyone on Facebook is trying to out-do everyone else with their tributes — and half of the time, these Facebookers don’t even know who Steve Jobs was.    These people should make a facebook page for Steve Jobs’ casket — a page where they can throw pictures of themselves on it.”  [Dr. Benjamin Switchy, author of “The Maudlin Face of Facebook.”]   Okay!   We get it. 

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Betty White Facebook Hoax About Balls And Vaginas.

UPDATE FROM BETTY HERSELF:  My Dear Damien, Thank you so much for trying to get rid of this silly prank on my behalf.  I can’t say that I am angry at my many wonderful fans for distributing the story, but I am disturbed – because of its content – that it has become such a sensation and attributed to me.  Of course I enjoy a blue joke as much as the next person, but this one goes just a bit beyond where

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Is Robert Osborne Ever Coming Back To TCM?

First his celebrity guest hosts said that he was “taking a well-earned vacation” and that he would be back in the fall.  Well it’s almost October and stilll there is no sign of TCM’s great host Robert Osborne.   Tonight, a new guest commentator, a film archivist, was interviewed my film critic Leonard Maltin.  We expected Mr. Osborne to be back by now.  Tonight was a totally new segment and not seeing Osborne was strange indeed. Several weeks ago I published a

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Joshua Fattal and Shane Bauer — Two Misfit Assholes!

Joshua Fattal and Shane Bauer, the two adventuring New Yawkuhs who got themselves holed up in Iran for two years because they are, in my opinion, attention-starved losers and child-minded douche-bags, are the perhaps the two biggest assholes on the earth at the present time.   The dopey dippy girl, Sarah something or other, who was also with them,  was released one year earlier because the Iranians  got tired of her whining voice.    The other two aforementioned nebbishes say that they were wandering around the peaceful regions of Iraq

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Alligator Tries to Eat 90-Year-old Florida Woman.

An 8-foot-long alligator sank its teeth into a 90-year-old woman’s leg and tried to drag her into a canal in southern Florida, a spokesman for the Florida Center For Reptilian Understanding . “The Alligator was trying to take off the old woman’s leg and drag her underwater too,” said alligator expert and conservationist Dr. Benjamin Switchy of the Florida Center For Reptilian Understanding. “She’s an old lady but she had some fight to her.  I think it was all the alchohol in her

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Chaz Bono Penis Transplant Donor Found!

“John Goodman and Chaz Bono have virtually the same DNA and a penis transplant from John to Chaz will be a sure-fire success.  The danger of Chaz’s body rejecting John’s penis is virtually zero, and that’s kind of ironic because women have been rejecting John Goodman’s penis for most of his life.”  [ Dean Traherne MD, North Dakota University of Medicine Division of Transexual Surgery] Celebrities always say that Hollywood is a small town, and in the case of Mr.

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Many 9-11 Families Dressed Like Slobs At 10th Anniversary Memorial Today.

“It’s not like they’re all broke.  Some of these people got a lot of money when their loved ones perished on 9-11, but some of these “mourners” showed up dressed like they were going to a three-legged potato sack race.” [ Sheldon Hartunis MD.]  Yes, they were there to pay their respects to their lost loved ones, but what was the excuse for so many people who attended the 9-11 ceremonies at the new Ground Zero Memorial coming dressed like slobs?   Today

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Corny and Corniest Facebook Status Update In History.

People are getting sick of Facebook status updates that are corny or sappy and sentimental — but this one is going around and it is by far the corniest Facebook update in history.    If someone you know has this as a status update — DROP THEM!   They are a moron. Here, for your reading enjoyment, is the corniest facebook status update in history. A college professor stood up on his chair and said “If GOD really exists then knock me

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