All The Fake Facebook People And Their Fake Steve Jobs Tributes.

“The death of Steve Jobs has put those annoying and overly maudlin Facebook status updates and page shares into over-drive.  Everyone on Facebook is trying to out-do everyone else with their tributes — and half of the time, these Facebookers don’t even know who Steve Jobs was.    These people should make a facebook page for Steve Jobs’ casket — a page where they can throw pictures of themselves on it.”  [Dr. Benjamin Switchy, author of “The Maudlin Face of Facebook.”]  

Okay!   We get it.  Steve’s death has made YOU the saddest and most caring person on Facebook.

(yawn) Yes, it’s very sad that Steve Jobs is dead.   He was an exceptional man and he will be missed by a lot of people — especially the maudlin, sappy and falsely- sentimental retarded simpletons on Facebook who are treating his death like its something of Biblical proprotions. 

I opened my Facebook page today and all I saw was one Steve job cut-and-paste tribute after another.  It made me want to hurl — not because I am insensitive to people with illnesses, but because I am annoyed by how corny and stupid and maudlin the average Facebook person can be. 

It’s like they are making a contest of who can be the saddest. — Why are Facebook people so maudlin?  Why do they love to write silly and sentimental crap?  Why do they post sickening, sappy, and stupid funeral parlor language tributes on their page when somebody dies or has cancer?  What is the mindset? 

I think — and I will ask a scientist — I think that this is the kind of thing that interests people with IQs in the 84-90 range.  I really think that.  Any IQ lower and they just play online games or say they don’t like computers.

My Facebook page is full of tributes to Steve Jobs from people who never mentioned his name in their lives.  They go to one page and play BINGO for an hour or so, and while putting a virtual chip on B-8, they read a status update about somebody from the BINGO chatroom board who has a friend who has a friend who has a friend who has some disease.  So they leave the BINGO room and post something like: 

“INTERNET BINGO is fun, but not if you have CANCER.  INTERNET BINGO is not fun for the person who is dying and we should not take internet games for granted.  Post this as your status update for the thousands of people who can’t play internet Bingo because they have Cancer.  I know that 97% of you will not do this, but my real friends will.”

So now they’re pulling this sentimental crap with Steve Jobs — okay — he died– it’s sad.  Read about him or learn about him but don’t relegate him to the maudlin pages of Facebook.  I am going to wager that at least 60% of people on Facebook love to express sympathy about death and illness because they’re stupid.  If your friend is sick — send them a card — go visit them — donate to their disease charity — stop using Facebook as your way of venting things you should be saying to a psychiatrist, dammit!

2 thoughts on “All The Fake Facebook People And Their Fake Steve Jobs Tributes.

  1. Oh, man. I just got through posting a rant about those stupid cut and paste things that go around FB. I finally got my fill of seeing the sappy paragraphs that challenge me to “care about……….”, enter any word by posting for just an hour…I know which one of my friends will.” Crap , crap and double crap.

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