Imitation Jewish comic Joy Behar has finally tied the knot. I say “imitation Jewish” because Behar ( a non Jew) is far too unfunny to be a Jewish comic — yet she has dedicated her career to trying to be Jewish. I know, I know, I know — she talks about her Italian American background, but trust me, she wants to be Jewish and the Jews don’t want her.
In a move that will surely have shocked her co-hosts on “The View,” Behar, who can’t fill a room in Atlantic City with anything other than politically moronic obese housewives and unmarried middle-aged men who go grocery shopping with their elderly, widowed mothers and old-maid aunts, the imaginary Jew married her longtime boyfriend (who may or may not be another Stedman Graham) Steve Janowitz — who is an actual Jew. The two have been together for 29 years but for some odd reason they never married — hmmmmmm.
Behar had previously sworn off marriage, even breaking an engagement to Janowitz in 2009.
I don’t like the expression “sworn off marriage” — and let me tell you why.
When I was a little kid, my mom used to bring me to the home of her two friends Larry and Ted. They had a lot of cute dogs and a huge swimming pool and they enjoyed my mom’s company because she’s an interesting person ( to others anyway).
Larry was an artist and Ted was a writer and as a 7-year-old, I found their place to be really cool. The dogs could swim and Larry made shish kabobs and drew funny cartoons.
The visits to Larry and Ted’s house continued for years but then one day I realized that there was only one master bedroom and one day when we arrived, Larry and Ted exited the same bathroom wrapped in towels. I guess I was finally figuring out the world so on the way home later that day I asked my mother if they were gay.
“Gay! Where would you get the idea that they are gay,” mom said. So I explained my side of the story. Mom. pretended to be flabberghasted and explained that they both “loved women” and that Larry had been jilted at the altar and he has “sworn off of marriage” after that. Do you see the absurdity? Of course they were gay – even a 12-year-old kid could see that. Anyway, ever since my mother feigned shock and disbelief at my question and then said, “sworn off marriage” I am very wary of that expression.
Anyway, unfunny and politically moronic — although she looks good for her age — Behar’s wedding came just two days before co-host Sherri Shepherd got married in Chicago. Unlike Behar’s, though, Shepherd’s nuptials were very, very far from secret or sudden. A spokesman for “The View” issued a statement saying that Behar would discuss her wedding when the show returns on Sept. 6. She will do this so that the panel can talk about her as well as Sherri Shepard.
Here’s the thing — if you watch The View — you might be an idiot. I don’t care what you say. Women who watch The View have a good chance of being intellectually compromised. Men who watch it have other issues.