Category Archives: Across America

Franco’s Home Run Stealing Ball Bully Identified!

brodFox Sports Arizona announcers Steve Berthiaume and Bob Brenly were in complete shock yesterday when a big, beer belly, pushy, bully, block-headed douche bag shoved an older woman like she was a piece of dirt in in the gutter just so he could retrieve Maikel Franco’s first home run ball at the Diamondback -Phillies game.

The big slob was later identified as Brod Kearnbleu, a 33-year-old locker room attendant and laundry manager at a men’s spa and sauna  somewhere north of downtown Philly.

“He would have pushed that poor woman over the rail to get that ball, ” said a fan who refused to be identified.  “He has some kind of weird fixation for Franco and he wanted that ball regardless of whatever he had to do to get it….and he got it.  He was walking back and forth yelling, ‘Franco, Franco, Franco.”  It was freaky, and then he shoved that old lady really hard.  You could hear him grunt. “

MORE PICS TAKEN HERE: Diamondback photia — the link might be broken now but it worked last night.

Friends of Brod Kearnbleu, who later negotiated an undisclosed deal with Franco’s entourage for the return of the ball, said that he has changed a lot in the past year and that ever since he got the job in the  sauna, he has become very obnoxious and unpredictable.

A childhood friend who only identified himself as “Greg”  had this to say:

“He’s turned into a bully over the past year and always trying to prove his masculinity.  Especially now that he moved in with his uncle.  

“All he does is worship Franco.  Something happened to him since he started working in that spa place.  He used to like baseball like a normal person but he also enjoyed art and music and he was a genuine cool guy.  Now he’s a jerk.”

According to Damien Zone sources, Brod Kearnbleu grew up in Bakersfield, California and moved to the Philadelphia area after graduating from an undisclosed two-year college where he majored in theater and landscaping design.

“I never liked the guy since the day he signed the lease,” said his landlady who prefers to be anonymous. 

“He’s like, I don’t know, I guess you would call him a meathead or something but he has a delicate and sensitive side.  He used to be somewhat likable but he’s not anymore.  

“He likes to listen to rock music all day and he’s always taking pictures too,  but then he blasts the baseball games on the TV and radio all day long most of the time.

“His uncle is a shady guy too but he pays the rent on time.  All they ever do is order take out food and they don’t recycle the cardboard Chinese boxes like they’re supposed to.  I would say that Brod has gain about 50 pounds since he moved in with his uncle.  I don’t know what’s really going on with him,  but I always say, ‘live and let live,’ especially if they pay the rent and don’t take dope. “

Brod Kearnbleu was not available for comment.

Dumb Bitchy Queens Throw Bruce Jenner Under a Bus.

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The Bitchy Queens of the USA, (heretofore a distinct ethnic group unto themselves) now despise Bruce Jenner.    Let me explain why.

A genuine, old school American hero, has announced that he is a transsexual.  How non-threatening and white bread can you get?.

You’d think that this would be an incredible way for the LGBT community to put a great and famous face on the issue of gender identity and transsexualism.   Right?   WRONG!

Bruce Jenner, after years of dealing with his “true inner self” has handed the LGBT community the gift of the century.   Sadly, the mostly moronic and vocal LGBT community town criers —  many of which are Bitchy Queens — are happy to throw Bruce under a big lavender bus because he is not a left wing Hollywood liberal Democrat.

There will be no testimonials for Bruce at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion.  He will not be feted by people like Susan Saran Wrap or Moral Streep.

Whaaaaaaaaaaat??  You mean, the LGBT community is not embracing the guy who went from Decathlon to D-cup — from Olympian to Olympia — from hero to heroine?

Bruce Jenner, the ultimate all-American boy next door and Olympic Champion has finally announced what many people suspected all along — that he is a transsexual and that he has decided to make the medical transition from living as an unhappy and unsettled man to living as a contented woman.

Good for him, and I am sure all rational, thinking people wish him all the best on his personal journey.  This could not have been an easy decision for Bruce to make, but he made it and EVERYONE should support him and anyone like him.

Bruce came out with all of this in an ABC interview conducted by the  “C-word personified”  Diane Sawyer.

Miss Sawyer always looks like she is trying to take a hard, scratchy dump.  She has that fake pained expression her face like, “This is really gonna hurt, ” and it does.

For a moment the Bitchy Queens of the USA — and they are all over the media — were jumping for joy and doing fist pumps – if you’ll pardon the expression.

The average gay person is not a Bitchy Queen.  Bitchy Queens  are a distinct ethnic group.  Most gay people, being sound of mind and intellect, smiled happily for Bruce and wished him well during this life adventure.

Bruce then stated  — when questioned by the human C-word with 10 pounds of impacted fecal waste in her colon — that he was a registered Republican.

Of course there was no real reason for C-word Sawyer to ask this question, but she had to stick it Bruce.  She had to show how much she loves and embraces the gays and how gay-adjacent she is.   She is the champion the gay world.  She is also a phony piece of shit.

Anyway, at the moment Bruce announced that he was a Republican, if you stuck your head out from a window at that very moment, you would have heard the Bitchy Queens screaming in tortured anguish like wispy little Fay Wrays in the clutches of a great Republican ape.

The average gay person, on the other hand,  is happy for Bruce.  They understand that he is a human being and that he has his opinions about things, and those things stand apart from his issues concerning his own gender identity.

Sadly, the Bitchy Queens only care about their own bitchy issues.  They’re unreal and uninformed knowledge of politics and policy is governed by the rantings of other Bitchy Queens and the insane things they read on sites like The Daily Kos or AddictingInfo — sites that spends 24 hours per day looking for any crazy Christian they can find in the hinterlands of the deep south to write about and turn into a front page left wing McCarthy hearing.

Sometimes it’s not so easy for unhappy people who troll the internet to find the easy Republican kooky targets.  For that reason the Bitchy Queens have taken to recycling the same old shit about Rick Santorum and Sarah Palin and a few other usual suspects.

Heck,  there is always some senile preacher in Bumfuk USA who preaches in a sermon that gay people will burn in hell or something like that.  If you look hard enough you can find anything for crying out loud.  But, the fuktards find this shit and post it on Facebook and discuss their outrage.  They don’t really know what they’re mad at, but they’re Bitchy Queens and that’s what they do.  Why do snakes bite?  It’s their nature, folks.

So…….because Bruce is a Republican, he is no longer worthy of the love and praise and support of the Bitchy Queens — proving of course that the Bitchy Queens never REALLY love and support anyone.  They are quite content to be mindless and allow straight Hollywood people tell them how to behave towards one of their own.    If it weren’t so sad, it would be funny.

For the rest of the LGBT community — the normal people who don’t run around trying to imitate or denigrate heterosexuality and heterosexuals and their life rituals —  Bruce is a brave and classy guy who is now a gal.

Good luck, Bruce.

 

 

 

Trey Gowdy’s New Hairstyle Saves The World.

treyIn  his unyielding quest to locate Hillary Clinton’s deleted emails, South Carolina Congressman Trey Gowdy has had to pull his thinning wisps of hair into a swirling beehive — and the fashion police  LOVE IT!

“Trey is a lot like Veronica Lake,” said one Washington DC insider.

It seems that During World War II, Veronica Lake cut and pulled up her famous peekaboo locks to show American women that long hair can be a hazard on the job.

At the time many women were copying Veronica Lakes luxurious hairstyle, but since many of these women had to work in factories that supplied planes and trucks and weapons to the military for the war effort, the long hair could get caught in the machinery.

In a true patriotic attempt to hold back the Nazis and the Japanese, Veronica Lake sacrificed her golden locks for the war effort.

In a sense that is what Trey Gowdy has done.  He has wrapped his hair up in a twisted knot so he can lean close to the business of finding Hillary Clinton’s long lost emails, and for that patriotism, we salute him.