All posts by Damien

The Damien Zone's quest is to seek out stupidity and dumbness whenever and wherever it may occur. We exist only to mock or admire human achievement.

Tony Geary’s Quits Wearing a New Toupee. Moves to Holland.

tony geary permAfter 37 steady years,  Tony Geary,  the actor who dutifully played the role of Luke Spencer on the iconic soap-opera GENERAL HOSPITAL, has finally called it quits.  He says that he is moving to Holland where he can walk around and not be bothered by the annoying American fans — the very fans who have enabled him to earn tens of millions of dollars over the years.

What a freaking loser!  I am glad that he is troubled with heat intolerance and excessive head-sweating.

Close up pictures of Tony Geary’s toupee here —-> Direct Photos of Geary Toupee.

On July 27, 2015 at approximately, 3:58 EDT, Geary’s character, Luke Spencer, wearing his newest and fluffiest grey and white $7,500 toupee – courtesy of ABC television —  walked towards a spotlight that lit his badly wrinkled face for the last time, and according to those close to the show, this is not a ruse or a red herring.   Geary’s character is not coming back to Port Charles — and this is not a dream.

tomy geareyTony Geary , plagued by hair loss since his teens, started out by perming his receding hairline way back in the late 1970’s because he thought that would add volume, but it only made him look balder and gayer in spite of the fact that he played a macho role.

Then, after dozens of failed hair transplants and hours of grueling scalp treatments, Tony had to throw in the towel and say goodbye forever.  He opted for a heavy toupee and a tons of very air-brushed photos like the one pictured here.

“His toupee was making his head red hot, and the lights of the set had caused him to come close to heat stroke more than once,” said a source close to the show.

“If you notice, almost all of his recent scenes, and especially his very last scene, were filmed in very dim light so as to simulate evening.  His head was literally burning him and causing him great discomfort.   I think if he stayed on the show he would have died from heat prostration.  The lights are really hot.  Most people don’t realize just how hot the lights on a TV set can be.  Experts say that you lose 80% of your body heat through your head, and there was no way Tony’s yak hair toupee was letting any of his body heat dissipate.

“He told me that gray hair in a toupee is made from synthetic fibers or from the hair of Tibetan yaks.  The synthetic hair has a fake look, but the yak hair is very realistic.  The trouble with the grayish white yak hair is that it’s very hot. “

According to the Damien Zone’s  expert zoologist,  a yak’s coarse gray and white hairs enable it to live comfortably in temperatures close to negative 20 to 50 degrees Fahrenheit.  Imagine what this was doing to Tony Geary’s scalp when he was subjected to hot lights?

“One time, a nurse on the set, measured Tony’s body temperature to be 104.4 degrees, ” continued our source on the set of General Hospital. 

“Tony was sweating and said that he was feeling weak. If the nurse hadn’t stopped the shooting, I don’t think Tony would be here today,  He looked very old and sweaty and gay.  The heat was even affecting his performance.  When I first starting working on the show I thought that Tony Geary sucked as an actor and that he had no talent, but how was I supposed to know that he was burning to death under that wig and those lights?”

According to ABC’s Eyewitness News affiliate in New York, Tony is not ruling out continuing his career on Broadway.  But folks close to the Broadway scene say that there is no shot that Tony Geary will get a shot on any Broadway stage.  One insider said that when Tony Geary leaves GENERAL HOSPITAL he is essentially leaving show business.  He is not a talented actor and most of his fans are either dead or unimpressed with his departure.


fartEver since the tragic events of 9-11, the airline industry in the USA and abroad has had to put aside any thought of luxury or customer comfort so as to make their business at least semi-profitable and seemingly streamlined.  The extra security thrust upon the weary traveler has slowed everyone down, and airplanes are booked to last-minute sardine capacity.  An in-flight meal is either non-existent or it’s simply an unidentifiable rubbery sandwich you have to buy for seven bucks.  Don’t count on that free beverage being free for much longer either.


Flying is no longer a luxury.  It used to be a ritzy thing to do, but now it’s just another bothersome 500 miles per hour in a metal tube while wearing a dirty T shirt and flip-flops.   The days of the glamorous  JET SET are over…or are they?
One airline is doing something to improve the quality of life on its planes, and while it may seem a little silly, some passengers have noticed a profound difference.  Something has been done to make flying a lot more comfortable, and psychologists say that when people are comfortable in “certain” ways, they are more apt to dress and behave properly.  They are also less prone to be bothered by some of the more pesky aspects of traveling.
“I have a serious problem with flying because I have a lot of intestinal gas owing to a playground accident I suffered as a child,” said Dr. Raymond Totondi, a world renowned physician at the Skylight Institutes of Better Living, and a frequent flyer on Southwest.
“I have offices in the New York area, Atlanta and in Phoenix… and I go back and forth very often.   The long hauls were murder in my intestines.  Twenty minutes into a flight and I’d be holding in farts until my abdomen was swollen and burning.  I tried wearing diapers lined with cologne or activated charcoal, but nothing worked.  Now, unless I fly on another airline,  I have no troubles whatsoever.”
According to an engineer who works in the airline industry, Southwest has installed a flatus-absorbing cushion in all of its seats. It’s basically a thin sleeve of a new polymer that is slipped under the fabric.  The polymer reacts with human flatulence (fart gas) by drawing the gas into the fibers — pulling it from the anus — and causing a chemical reaction whereby the intestinal gas is converted into harmless nitrogen and small amounts of fecal debris.  The cushions are easy to replace and according to testing done throughout China and Malaysia, they should be replaced at least once per year for an aircraft that is in regular service.  Th fecal debris can be shaken out of the cushions and used as lawn or garden fertilizer.
“These new seat cushions are incredible.  You don’t even know they’re there.  As a man of science, I view these seats as the epitome of technology being used to make everyday life more comfortable for everyone who flies.  There isn’t a person alive who has flown on a plane and not held in at least one big fart at least one time.  Now, with these new flatus barriers, people with intestinal problems or people who just don’t feel like holding in a fart,  can fart all they want.  It’s a miracle.  I read the literature from the manufacturer and they guarantee that there is no intestinal gas that cannot be neutralized by these cushions.”
Seems like the new “FlatuLux” seat inserts have perked up Dr. Totondi’s social life too.
“This week, on my way from Atlanta to Phoenix, a trip that usually leaves me in intestinal agony,  I sat next to a pretty young woman and farted my brains out while still managing to be charming and conversational.  We had a pleasant conversation and I got her phone number.  Normally I would have been squirming in my seat and unable to relax, but this time I talked and farted and talked and farted for thirteen hundred miles.  It was so relaxing.  A few times I was worried that the young lady would see me squint and push down as I farted, but she didn’t seem to notice.  Maybe she thought I had a small facial tick or something, but whichever the case, it’s better than trying to hold a conversation with a beautiful young lady while you’re stinking up the airplane.  I know you can easily blame the smell on one of the other 130 passengers, but after awhile people catch on…at least that’s been my experience.”
Southwest Airlines has added FlatuLux flatus-reducing padding inside the lining of all of its seats on 70% of the planes they currently have in service.  They plan to have them installed in all their planes by August 2015.
The results have been outstanding and passenger satisfaction is at an all time high.  FlatuLux pads can be bought for use in the home too and talks are underway with The Olive Garden and Macaroni Grill restaurants to have the sleeves installed in seats and benches at all their locations.

Jimmy Kimmel – Kids Gay Marriage Video. FAIL.

Jimmy Kimmel is a very popular late night talk show in the USA.    He is very well liked and is viewed mostly as a non-polarizing and non-partisan comedic interviewer.   In other words,  he doesn’t offend too many people in a country where everyone seems to get outrageously touchy over the simplest of things.

Recently, however, Jimmy Kimmel’s staff of writers  — which includes Jimmy himself — may have pushed the envelope a bit too far.

If you didn’t already know, the Unites States Supreme Court voted to make same sex marriage legal in all the fifty states that make up the USA.

Prior to this landmark decision, the laws for or against same sex marriage were implemented by each individual state.  In some States same sex marriage was legal while in others it was not.  This Supreme Court ruling put an end to all that nitpicking,  and now there is no more debating the issue.   If you live in the USA — even if it’s in a cardboard box — you can now marry a person of the same sex.  End of story.

Apparently, because of the groundswell of happiness from those in the USA who support same sex marriage, Jimmy Kimmel and his gang thought it would be cute to go out onto the streets of Los Angeles  – in this case Hollywood Blvd — and ask passing children some questions about gay marriage.  It was rather funny, but let’s just say that Art Linkletter wouldn’t have done it…even in 2015.

Art Linkletter was an American TV host and raconteur who gained international fame with his  TV show – “KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS.”

On his program, Linkletter used to ask young kids all kinds of questions about life, romance, school, marriage, pets and just about everything you could think of within the boundaries of what was considered at the time to be in good taste.

Over the years, interviewing thousands of children, Art Linkletter accumulated some hilarious answers from his juvenile panel.    Very rarely,  a child would say something that may have had a slightly sexual or naughty overtone,  and the audience would giggle politely.

This is a typical example:  ART LINKLETTER:  “Can you tell me something you don’t like about going out to a restaurant?”  CHILD #1:  I hate to get all dressed up because my collar itches me.   CHILD #2:  “I don’t like when we have to leave before dessert comes because my mommy gets mad at my daddy for looking at the pretty waitresses.”

This is about as blue as it got on Art’s show because these were children, and by today’s standards, it’s harmless stuff.   Art would simply raise a suggestive eyebrow and continue on to the next child.

Kimmel’s crew did something very similar this week, and the video snippet of it has gone viral on Facebook — the homeland of the Facebook Simpletons –  a distinct ethnic group of people who live only to look at pictures of kittens, send prayers to the sick,  and to pick politically moronic fights with other Facebook Simpletons.

Jimmy Kimmel set up a camera on Hollywood Blvd and asked passing kids questions about “gay marriage” in various the ways of — what does it mean?  What do you think of it?    What do you think?

The answers were quite humorous because kids truly do say the darndest things, but there was something creepy about the whole thing.

If you were to put on a trench coat and go into a schoolyard and ask these children questions about same sex marriage and gay marriage — or however you want to phrase it — you could get into some pretty big trouble.  Of course these children had their parents permission to answer the Kimmel camera, but did that make it right?

When you ask a child about “gay” or “straight” marriage, there is an element of sexuality brought into the picture…isn’t there?

Should children be asked questions of that nature and then have their words and images thrown out all over  the internet for the whole world to see just because some parents or TV producers are hoping that their kid will be the next YouTube sensation?

I don’t know, but there was something weird about it.  It sounded creepy.

I support same sex marriage 100%, but what’s the deal about asking CHILDREN for their opinions?

Sure, you get a laugh, but where do you draw the line between good taste and tackiness or criminality?  Like I said, if you ask kids the same questions in a street corner without the glitz and glamour of the Jimmy Kimmel show, wouldn’t your ass get hauled into jail?

Here’s another thing.  What if a religious TV station were to do the same thing?  What if some Bible study group asked passing kids — with their parents permission — what they didn’t like about gay marriage?  What would happen?   Wouldn’t they be called religious zealots and pedophiles?  Of course they would.  There would be a line of people leading up to the Los Angeles County Courthouse waiting to press criminal charges against the religious TV show.  Then the sponsors would all drop out and the whole thing would go out of business.  That’s how they mark PROGRESS in the USA.

Do you think I am overstating this?  I don’t.  I think you shouldn’t go around entertaining people by asking children questions that can in any way be viewed as lurid or sexual in origin.

My haters will say that I am against love and against equality — the usual angry sh*t — but I am all about love and equality, but only when it’s put forth with sincerity and no child is exploited for the sake of a buck and the whims of pushy stage parents.

Hey — if you want really funny answers about touchy and sensational stuff – go ask old people in a nursing home.  You’ll get funnier and more diverse answers — and you will eliminate the creepy factor.

I think this was a FAIL on the part of Jimmy Kimmel Live show.  Also, you will kindly note that the ET video I attached to this article is very carefully edited from the actual video which you can find anywhere.  How many feet of video did they need to get these funny answers?   What kinds of questions did they really ask?

Anyway — it’s easy to comment on The Damien Zone — I don’t check anything — except for viruses.  There is no hassle to comment – no email verification — but I have to see your comment to approve it.  I will approve it almost always — even if you hate me to pieces and say the most vile things..  Rest assured — if you comment – it will appear — just keep checking.  I try to approve all comments within 4 hours.   Sometimes I see it instantly.