All posts by Damien

The Damien Zone's quest is to seek out stupidity and dumbness whenever and wherever it may occur. We exist only to mock or admire human achievement.

Trader Joe’s Employees Forced to Vote For Bernie Sanders

traTrader Joe’s — the ultra hip food store where all the nouveau and low cleanliness hip liberals work and/or shop because they want to buy virtue in a can — is looking for new employees.  But, there’s a catch.

You have to be currently active in a grassroots Bernie Sanders campaign, and you have to prove that you voted for Bernie Sanders after the  November elections regardless of outcome in order to be eligible for a job at Trader Joe’s.

According to an interview given to this Hollywood writer —->Deeiter Marsk Trader Joe’s Office.<—-click for job and voter info.

If you don’t cough up your proof in November, you have to pay back Trader Joe’s 50% of the money they put into your health insurance payments.

“How do I prove that I like totally voted for Bernie Sanders,” asked one hipster who works at Trader Joe’s in Westfield, New Jersey.

“You can’t use recording devices like cell phones in a voting booth, so I am like totally screwed.  I mean, this job is totally awesome but so far I have had to prove that I was once a victim of  the Christian family I was born in, and I did that, but then I had to prove that I switched to extreme atheist and finally to Buddhist.   That’s like totally not cool because how do I prove that I didn’t believe in a sky daddy, but then I switched when I realized that being a Buddhist is like totally awesome even if I don’t know jack shit about it.” 

Trader Joe’s is a chain of stores that are owned by some guys in Germany who saw a food market demand for self-hating Americans.

They knew that if they created a really cool store and edgy store that defied all American conventions they would have an instant clientele.   Every misfit in the USA would shop there.

These Germans even had the genius to offer designer wine for $2.00 per bottle.  It’s junk wine but it would be from a really cool place — so it would have to be cool, right?    It wasn’t long before even the most discriminating liberal bragged about the bouquet and exotic aromas elicited from “Two-Buck-Chuck” – the chic name given to the shitty wine they passed off on drunk teenage liberals and people with imagined gluten intolerance.

The employee continued.

“I want to keep my job at Trader Joe’s because I fit all of the requirements on the job application.  I am a very boy-ish lesbian and I have a lot of tattoos and piercings.  I do notshave my legs or armpits and I am slightly smelly.  Those are the main things they look for in an employee.  If you are  a male you must be very hip and edgy and oddly hairy — and being gender fluid helps too.   I mean, all of us who work here are like totally awesome and we’re all totally for Bernie Sanders.  We feel the BERRRRRRRN.”

Trader Joe’s executives know that it will be hard to prove if an employee adhered to store policy and voted for Bernie Sanders, but they are currently writing up a document that employees can sign as a sworn statement that they did indeed vote for Bernie Sanders.

gddddddd“Basically the food here at Trader Joe’s is shit and loaded with salt and sugar and MSG  like everywhere else but they put gluten free labels on stuff and junk like that and people buy it.  They really come in for the cheap alcohol because liberals drink and that’s their excuse.   But who esle would hire me?  I mean, look at me.  My head is shave on one side and I am covered in spikes and tattoos.  Acme was not in my future…and I have no future.  I smoke pot and I like Bernie Sanders — I’m an idiot – but I make more than minimum wage and that is way cool.  It’s totally awesome. “


countessWednesday  the Powerball Lottery numbers are going to pay out $1.4billion dollars to one or more lucky people.  If no one selects the lucky numbers,  the jackpot will get higher for the next drawing.

The goal is to pick the winners for YOURSELF and to not let the Jackpot go to someone else today or next week or next year.  You need the money and you should make your best attempt to select the right numbers.

Here is some advice from Countess Maria DeRenzatto. DeRenzatto’s Grandson bio link.  <—-You should click and read his very short bio as part of the channeling session even though his bio has nothing to do with lottery numbers.   There are no advertisements or gimmicks.   You want to be in good favour with the spirit of his long dead grandmother who wants nothing but good fortune for her family.


1)  Read the very short biography on this link here –  DeRenzatto’s Grandson bio link – because you want to be in good favour with this writer’s grandmother who died many years ago.   She knew how to anoint with oil and how to share her perceptual skills with the people around her.

2) After reading the bio, sit in a quiet place and picture the face of a deceased loved one in your mind and hold something that belongs to that person.  It’s helpful to have a photograph of the loved one.  It’s okay if you don’t have a photo or a piece of their belongings, as long as your love for them is and was so strong that even death cannot separate them from your heart.  You will know who to choose.

3) DO NOT BE GREEDY while you think!    The spirits who love you still have the same personalities they had when they were alive.  Yes, they are at peace, but if they were the kind of person who held onto money in life, they still retain the same qualities in death.   Spirits have no earthly needs.  The afterlife provides them with eternal bliss.  They are concerned and caring when a living loved one is in need, but they are also very aware when people have greedy ambition.  So, think only of all the good and honorable things you can do with the money..   Try not to think of personal wealth and houses and cars and trips around the world.  Those things push spirit guides away from you.

4 ) Picture that person in your mind – picture them sitting in a place where you would usually find them sitting.  Imagine them holding keys or some other small object.  In your  mind, ask them to look at you.  It might get confusing for a moment but within a moment or two you will be able to imagine them looking at you.

5) Ask them for the numbers.  At first you will see a lot of numbers running around in your head.  Ignore this and stop yourself from jotting down the first numbers you see or feel.   This is the huge mistake a lot of people make.  There is a lot of nasty noise in the universe and it gets in the way.  There are also negative voices who want you to make erroneous selections.    You need to sit calmly and quietly and wait for a firm affirmation that you hear in your mind’s eye — the voice of the loved one telling you a number.   It might take up to 15 minutes for you to get all the numbers, and you might have been fooled a few times by negative voices, but this is the best you can do on earth.

6) Pay particular attention to any gestures you might see while you are picturing the departed loved one in your mind.  Sometimes they might hold up fingers.  Remember that you are seeing a clouded image of them so you must be careful not jump to conclusions.

7) DO NOT PLAY A LOT OF NUMBERS!   Yes, you might get several combinations or different combinations, but playing a lot of numbers and spending a lot of money is a sign of greed.  Remember what we said about greed.  The dearly departed are annoyed by it and they don’t want you to spend your money unwisely.  They are aware  of the negative voices who have influenced your wrong choices.

8) Now that you have contacted the departed loved one as best as you can in your mind, be sure to play your usual numbers too.   Maybe you play birthdays or numbers that have a special meaning to you.  You should play them as you usually do because your spirits know those numbers.   In an attempt to get around the negative voices of the universe, the spirits might opt to choose numbers you have already chosen.  That will be the surest sign of all.

God Bless you


Jason Sudeikis Wears A Hairpiece or Toupee.


jason wig

Jason Sudeikis, a comedian who is not really funny and gets a lot of awkward giggles from audiences who only know how to laugh when they are instructed to do so, wears a very expensive hairpiece.  He thinks nobody knows — but we here at The Damien are CERTAIN.

ORG XMIT: RH 39823 JASON SUDEIKIS 2/16/2011 2/16/11 12:26:53 PM --- JASON SUDEIKIS --- Los Angeles, CA, U.S.A: Jason Sudeikis co-stars in the new movie "Hall Pass. "  Sudekis is a regular on "Saturday Night Live". Photographed at the New Line Cinema offices. Photo by Robert Hanashiro, USA TODAY Staff  [Via MerlinFTP Drop]
ORG XMIT: RH 39823 JASON SUDEIKIS 2/16/2011 2/16/11 12:26:53 PM — JASON SUDEIKIS — Los Angeles, CA, U.S.A: Jason Sudeikis co-stars in the new movie “Hall Pass. ” Sudekis is a regular on “Saturday Night Live”. Photographed at the New Line Cinema offices. Photo by Robert Hanashiro, USA TODAY Staff [Via MerlinFTP Drop]
A source close to the cancelled show, “Melissa and Joey” which starred Joey Lawrence and Melissa Joan Hart, had this to say.

“I always suspected that he was handing his hair over to Mildred Sclafani, the Hollywood makeup guru who had the hazardous job of fixing up Joey Lawrence after he went through his spray-on hair flecks stage, and now, with this newest photo, I am certain that Jason is wearing one of her hairpieces. She does great work for the camera but sometime in real sunshine, you can see something is wrong.  There is a rusty look and a subtle demarcation between top and sides.” 

The photo in question reveals the bald truth.  To the untrained eye, any hairpiece that is not OBVIOUS usually goes undetected until someone notices something — something askew.   In the case of Jason Sudeikis, the bright light photo shows that he is wearing a hairpiece that is made from an ULTRA light lace base.  It’s the same kind of hairpiece that Hollywood stars have worn on film for decades.   It’s a secret that a lot of big names took to their graves.

If you look at screen tests for “Gone With The Wind” you see two tests of Leslie Howard, the actor who played Ashley Wilkes.  In the first take he is sporting his own thinner hair, but in the second take, the clapboard clearly states:  Leslie Howard with lace.”  In this second take you can see that the actor has much more hair and his hairline is not receding.

It’s old Hollywood technology that has only recently become somewhat available to the public.    Hairpiece services who advertise that they use lace, are really not telling the whole truth.   They may sell hairpieces made with a lace base, but it’s not the same.  These wigs were made by master craftsman at the major studios and not by some Chinese drones working sunrise to sunset in some dirty factory.  There is only one hairpiece seller in New Jersey USA who actually uses these great pieces, and his are far better than the one we are seeing here.  The trouble is they are expensive and they require maintenance.

If you look closely at the picture of Jason Sudeikis — best way is to save it and zoom in on it  — you can see that there is a reddish rusty color to the bouncy top.    It’s apparent that the thickness and color and texture do not mix well at all with his own side hair.   His own hair – which seems to be only on the sides – is brown with a little gray.  Also, if you zoom in on the hairline, you can see timy black flecks.  That is the knot of the hair.  It is supposed to be invisible, but when the hair has been worn for several days, the knot gets wet with sebum ( head oil) and sweat.  Dirt particles stick to it and make it stand out.  This is what we are seeing here with Jason Sudeikis.

In the first photo there is a small thinning patch in the middle front, but in the second photo it is gone.  The reason for that is that these lace hairpieces are very fragile.  They do not last more than a few weeks.  Hair falls out – usually in the front first.   In the second phopto you can see that the thin spot has vanished.  The lace has either been repaired (doubtful) or the entire hairpiece is new.

I have labeled the photo and you can see for yourself.

The reason I looked into this is because there must have been rumors about his hair.  On several shows — late night mostly – Jason seems to make a point about his hair.  He even went so far as to have a best hair contest with Conan O’Brien.    Some people suggested  that he had had a series of hair transplants, but that is not the case here.  This is a toupee — a very good and very expensive one — but a toupee nonetheless.