Organic Food is a Rip Off. All “Food” is Organic.

org1If you own a dictionary, or if you know anything about grade school chemistry, you would know that the word “ORGANIC” means that something is derived from living matter.  Organic stuff is made up of compounds constructed with the carbon atom as one would find it in something that is alive or was once alive.

A whole lot of crazy people think that most of the things we eat are NOT ORGANIC, and because this stuff we eat is not organic, it is really bad for us — and they’re 100% right.

Yes, it’s true.  If you (assuming you are a human being) eat things that are not “ORGANIC” you will either die instantly or you‘ll soon starve to death.

The human quest for ORGANIC food is bred into our DNA. This is why we humans don’t eat bars of aluminum or steel or iron, and we don’t eat brass tea kettles.   It’s  why we don’t eat polyester flowers or ceramic chickens.  We don’t eat rocks and, unless we’re kids, we try not to eat dirt.  We don’t eat pianos or guitars or plastic bags or speedometers or weathervanes, and we only eat glass and razor blades if we work in a circus.

The aforementioned things, and millions of other strange snacks, are not “organic” and if we were to eat them, we would not only receive zero nutritional value from these items, we would probably cut a hole in our stomachs and die.org2

Humans can, however, eat leather shoes and hair and wooden furniture — huh?  Yes, you can eat that stuff because it’s organic — it used to be alive.  In fact, there have been times when starving people have boiled shoes or hair or wooden planks and chowed down.

Shoe leather was the last thing the Donner Party ate until they stumbled upon some really solid, organic food — each other.   The ribs that were cut from one guy were rib-sticking good organic food for the other guys.  Are you figuring  this out yet?

Hey — get a load of this weird exception.  You could be dying of thirst but there is no way you should drink gasoline or kerosene because you’d die — even though that kind of stuff is about as organic as you can get.  Petroleum is the most definitively ORGANIC thing on the entire planet.org3

What am I trying to say here?  I am trying explain to you why we do not eat the freaking refrigerator, and why we eat what’s inside of it. I’m also trying to tell you that  ALL FOOD IS FREAKING ORGANIC!  IF IT WAS NOT ORGANIC, IT WOULD NOT BE FOOD!  CATCH ON?

So why do stores have that expensive section where they sell “organic” stuff?  Why are there stores like Whole Foods who brag that all their stuff is organic?   The answer is simple.  Those places exploit stupid people.

Why do some people think they’re better than others because they only eat organic food?  That answer is even simpler.  Those are the stupid people.

Okay, so what’s the deal here, Damien?   Isn’t it a fact that some farmers raise organic vegetables and meats?   In other words, aren’t there farmers who do  not use pesticides or herbicides or antibiotics or any of that other junk?

Ummm — not really, folks.

To say something is “organically grown” is a new age kind of euphemism for —  “I am mentally sick because I think that ordinary, competent farmers are secretly trying to kill me”  or “I make more money than you do and I can afford the more expensive items at the more exclusive stores” or  “Natural things are better, and because I’m incredibly stupid, I totally am suckered into the whole organic thing.”

Oh the dumbness of it all — it never ends.

Usually I goof on you folks, but this is not a goof.  According to Jared Mehre, a writer for The Badger Herald,  organic food is “the biggest scam since bottled water.” 

Wow — this guy has brass balls.  By the way, you can’t eat brass balls but you can eat real ones if you have the cajones to try them.  Cowboys call them “rocky mountain oysters” — but that’s an entirely different story that involves culinary culture.

According to Mr. Mehre, organic food is not better for your health.  He cites a study done by Stanford University where doctors found that “organic” food is neither healthier nor more nutritious.   As a matter of fact, Mehre goes on to write about how studies at Oxford and Stanford and the American Journal of  Clinical Nutrition have all determined that organic food does not have any beneficial effect at all on one’s health and well-being — it just costs more.

Thanks to Jahred Mehre and The Badger Herald for that little bit of sanity about a total insane subject.

Let me explain all about “organic farming” very simply so that you can all write in and tell me how stupid and uninformed and toxic I am.

Organic farmers do not use man made pesticides or fertilizers.  Okay, that sounds pretty nice, but how does an organic farmer keep his crops growing big and how does he keep them from getting eaten by insects?  The answer is — he uses pesticides and fertilizers  — but they’re not man-made pesticides and fertilizers.  They’re natural pesticides.  Oh!  What does that mean?  Uh….it means that he uses pesticides and fertilizers.

I asked Dave Mattia, a pretty famous Hollywood zoologist, a question about one of the  “natural fertilizers” and this is what he said:

“I’ve worked in the racehorse industry since I was a kid and throughout all that time, ordinary people have come around to the training farms and racetracks asking if they could take the manure for their organic garden or farm.  Of course we’re always happy to get rid of the stuff — who wouldn’t.  There’s mountains of it,  but don’t these organic people know the kind of drugs a lot of horses get to stay healthy?  I’m not saying that racehorses are doped up — although most people believe they are and all you ever read about are trainers getting arrested for doping horse — but I would never fertilize my garden with racehorse poop.  Horses are always getting antibiotics and so many other kinds of medications.   Competent and healthy veterinary care for an equine (horse) athlete is complicated and there are a lot of meds involved in keeping a performance horse healthy.  Most animals, especially racehorses,  would be in pretty rough shape without the medications they routinely get — especially anti-worming agents and antibiotics.  I am really happy when my horses are pooping well, but I would never put racehorse manure in my pumpkin patch that’s for certain.”   

You can read about Dave here.

Anyway, the other misconception about “Organic” is that organic farmers do not feed antibiotics to their pigs and lambs and cows and chickens.  Wow — that’s great because I’m allergic to penicillin.  But what do they use if the animal gets sick?   Oh — uh — they use antibiotics.  Huh?  Sorry but it’s true.  It’s virtually impossible for any farm to stay in business if they don’t treat sick animals properly.  If a sirloin steak were truly “organic” it would mean that the steer from which the steak was cut, was never sick a day in his life, or if he was sick, he was not treated for that sickness — and now you’re eating him.  The steer could have had tuberculosis — but it’s “organic” so it’s got to be better right?  Wrong!  Do you see the stupidity?

The most sickening part or the ORGANIC movement is that some products are calling themselves ORGANIC when there is no possible way they can be organic.  The word is being abused.  It’s criminal.

For example, how can a shampoo be organic?  Maybe it has organic things in it like coconut oil or palm oil or lanolin, but what about the detergent that makes a shampoo clean your hair?   That can’t be organic.  It’s a man-made chemical — and it’s harmless unless you’re allergic to it and you get a rash and go out and get some cortisone ointment — in which case the cortisone is organic  — yes, our own bodies make cortisone as “cortisol” all day long — but the cream that it’s mixed with to make it spread around all nice and even, is not organic — or it’s only partly organic.  Do you see the lunacy or why the word organic makes no real sense when it comes to anything you eat or drink or wear or slather on yourself.  It’s like saying “wet water” — maybe even dumber than that.

I would like to suggest a law where only people who can use the word “organic” are people who work in the petroleum industry.  You know who they are, right?  They’re the evil gasoline companies who suck the goop out of the earth so you can drive your more expensive car to the more expensive store that sells the more expensive crap that you think is organic.

Some towns have this new thing where you buy into a co-op organic farm thing.  Once a week  the organic farmer sends down a truckload of his stuff and people who have paid (a lot of money) into the co-op get to buy it.  It’s always the weirdoes in the town who fall for this, but that aspect of the co-op farm is better suited for the opinions of a psychiatrist.

WHAT KIND OF BIRDBRAIN PAYS TO PAY FOR FOOD!!!!  You are being charged a cover-charge to buy food. Can you imagine that?  Are you smelling a rat yet?

In some very gentrified communities, the resident who does not buy into  the co-op is looked upon as a very un-hip and crude creature.  In other words, people who can’t be conned, are being socially bullied by organic morons who have fallen in love with the word ORGANIC.  Many of these organic bullies have B.O. because they only use organic deodorant that does not work.

Okay – so after everything I have said so far, and the fact that there is ample proof that not only is organic food not better for you, and it’s not really a real thing, and it’s really just an invented concept, doesn’t the word SCAM cross your mind?

I am typing this article on an organically manufactured laptop, and if you believe that, I would like to sign you up to pay $700 a year to have the privilege to buy the carrots I grow in my back yard with only bird crap for fertilizer.  Bird poop is bird-made not man-made, so you know it has to be good.   I know my carrots are a little steep at $8.99 per pound, but what’s the worst thing that can happen from eating something as wholesome as a carrot grown with bird poop fertilizer?  Well. let’s see.   There are all kinds of deadly diseases like….toxoplasmosis, and avain flu, E-Coli, histoplasmosis, candida albicans, cryptoccus…and…..tell me when you want me to stop.  Bird poop might be organic but it’s dangerous to eat food that has been grown in soil enriched by it — especially things eaten raw.

Damien LeGallienne Reporting for

EDITOR’S NOTE: It is very easy to post a comment on TheDamienZone.  It’s a no hassle thing and I do not censor comments unless they’re violent or hateful.  If they’re really dumb or really smart, I’ll answer. I don’t bother to cross check emails so if you want to have at me — feel free.


7 thoughts on “Organic Food is a Rip Off. All “Food” is Organic.

  1. Hi Damien.

    There are problems with organic foods. There are far more problems with bio-engineered food like substances. -Study the downstream effects of genes, when one gene is inserted other genes are also altered.

    Big agriculture is much more of a mess than organic or kosher foods. The stanford study is a big ag / Monsanto funded smear job. There is zero doubt that healthy soil and no pesticides, no synthetic fertilizers equals more nutrient dense food.

    Come over to my house with some big ag eggs and some store bought tomatos and I will let u have a taste of my eggs and tomatos.
    The difference might wake you up.

    Regards and I look forward to your embracing eating better in the near future!

  2. I am wide awake and have been my entire life — my grandfather saved his own seeds for tomatoes, basil, melons, etc, at our home in southern France long before it was a hip thing to do. There is nothing I can learn from you — you’re a band-wagoner and a loony food conspiracy theorist — the annoying and pseudo-elite kind. You yourself are a GMO of the pretentious human, and you were bred by unscientific propaganda. With that said, my beef regards the use of the word ORGANIC. I am very much in favour of GMO and Monsanto et al are saving the world from starvation. Kindly do not talk down to me. Catch on?

  3. Ha!

    Lol, This is mildly entertaining!

    Damien, what an enigma, I can’t figure out if you are corrupt, evil or just plain vapid! Lol!

    Nah, I’ll go with evil because it’s more fun, and I’ll be using words like “big pharma, government subsidies, etc” so you’ll have a field day labeling me too!

    And because the Devil is in the detail(s).

    For example:

    ” Various antibiotics have different half lives. A half life is the time it takes to excrete 1/2 of the drug present in the body. A drug is considered to have been totally eliminated after 5 half lives. Therefore find out the half life of the antibiotic you are interested in and multiply it by 5 and you will have the time it takes for that drug to be eliminated”. Dr Michael E. Ein.

    Okay, now that we are done with the tedious details, roughly translated, after a couple of days to a week, antibiotics are out of one’s system.

    So yes, animals do get sick.

    However; There is a huge difference between consuming the flesh of an animal that has been given antibiotics a couple of times in its life and is basically free of it, and one that has been given a lifetime regimen of it in order to fatten up since that is why antibiotics are given to cattle.

    See what I am doing here? I could do it with the Whole. Darn. Erstaz. Of an article. You spewed out.
    But I’m not going to bother debunking your “torchon” in its trite entirety since you are not interested in the Truth.

    Instead, your whole shtick is to hide your sanctimonious ass behind semantics by ridiculing the use of the word “organic”, and weaseling in your long disprovable notion that whole foods grown without harmful chemicals-and don’t even think of starting with my use of the word “chemicals”, because yes, everything is chemical!!! Duh-are no better.

    Tsk tsk tsk enfin Damien, voyons!

    So it doesn’t matter that the world over, the most dangerous of the chemicals still used in the U.S.A have been banned, in some instances for decades? That GMOs have been banned as well??? That GMOs are in international news everyday for the devastation their crap causes everywhere?

    Let me get this clear. The world over, scientists, political leaders, denizens are suffering from mass hysteria?
    Surely you are right, only here in America do we have our heads screwed on straight.

    That must not be the reason why we are faced with a virtual epidemic of autoimmune disorders ranging from Lupus to cancer en passant par asthma, allergies etc, etc. Maybe that would also not explain why our infant mortality rate is double that of other developed western industrialized countries. It could not possibly be because of the shit we eat or slather on ourselves or big pharma’s propaganda.

    Maybe we are just born with major genetic flaws.
    Whaaaat, wait, noooo!!!!
    Ooops, there goes the notion of our inherent superiority.

    Don’t shoot the messenger, those are the statistics of the CDC.

    Actually screw the CDC, I’m sure the agency is in bed with all the little growers of ORGANIC food. You know, since they don’t get a dime in government subsidies.


    Little man, the average person is a lot smarter than you think and I find your lack of faith and your condescending ways disturbing. Lol. If you have a beef with the use of the word “organic” why don’t you demonstrate a glimmer of originality and come up with an acceptable term or acronym? Like “FUCK YOU” (Food Unequivocally Considered Kind for Your Overall Uniqueness). I could think of a couple more, I’m very prolific that way.

    Catch on?

    Last but not least, you are not awake, never have been and are not getting remotely close. If anything, you have been lulled into deplorably and shamelessly thinking that the biggest bully will prevail. Wise people know how that goes in the long run.

    You still have much to learn. Grow another brain with better food, maybe then you can attempt to mumble.

    Sincerely, Verene.

  4. Varene — when I was a little boy, my grandfather told me that long letters were a sign of insanity — and you sure proved it. Also, please don’t use your Google translate French stuff — it doesn’t work well with invented idioms — and idiots.


    Lol! ( SHOULD BE ‘MDR’ – there is no LOL in French) Ton grand pere avait l’air d’avoir la tete (sa tête not la tete) sur les ( ses not les) epaules…(and you invented an idiom) (C’est) Dommage que ca ne soit pas hereditaire. — THE REST IS TOO “WRONG” TO CORRECT. WHY DON’T YOU GO OVER TO LOS ALAMITOS AND WATCH THE HORSE RACES OR SOMETHING. Bon, (alors) j’y vais (wrong — so wrong) j’ai d’autres (wrong) choses serieuses a faire.(wrong) Go away — you’re a fucking asshole.

  6. Damien-grasping at the proverbial organically grown straws I see. A long time ago, my grandmother told me that people who try to reason with insane people are fools. You sure proved it. Lol! Oor MDR!

  7. How are straws organically grown and how can they be proverbial when there is no history to what you’re trying to say. Like I said, go away. I am actually afraid of mentally sick people and I’m really great at spotting them — I will now block your IP address in Los Alamitos. No more comments from you or your grandmother.

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