She says she’s moving on with her life and that she’s quitting her CBS News Anchor chair, but the truth probably is that Katie was given her walking papers by the execs at CBS because her ratings were lower than an episode about hemming a skirt on The Sewing Channel.
“We had to get rid of this little monkey-faced monkey,” said a source close to CBS News and Anchor Removal.
“Nobody watched her and nobody liked her. She thought she had her moment with that gotcha thing she did with Sarah Palin, but we all knew that Sarah Palin was probably smarter than Katie — and that ain’t saying much. Also, Katie has that one tooth that’s just a little crooked and it was driving us out of our freaking minds. Maybe in England they don’t mind that kind of thing but as soon as she refused to have that crooked tooth fixed her fate was sealed — and the ratings too — the ratings were real bad.
“We were going to try to get Rose Marie (aka Baby Rosemarie) — you know, the loudmouth broad with the black bow in her hair from the old Dick Van Dyke show. We thought that Rose Marie might make a good anchor for CBS but Katie kicked and screamed about that. Katie didn’t want to be upstaged by the 89-year-old Rose Marie, so we finally made up a story about Katie wanting to get on with her life blah blah blah… you know the drill.”
The truth is that America as whole does not like Katie Couric. She doesn’t appeal to women and she doesn’t appeal to men. She doesn’t appeal to the right and she doesn’t appeal to the left. She looks like an aging ape — kind of like the oldest baboon at the zoo — the one where you can tell that the other young baboons hate her and only tolerate her because she has the biggest and pinkest ass and they’re afraid to mess with her.
Katie’s not fooling nobody no-how — she got the axe — the polite axe — the one where they say, “You leave and we won’t fire you, you monkey! You baboon-faced, crooked toothed, big-gummed unlikeable mush faced beyotch!”