PRETENTIOUS — Definition: Attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed. SYNONYMS: affected – ostentatious – showy.
The first thing that earmarks a pretentious loser — and I actually want to puke when I say this — is the white guy or girl who uses chopsticks in an Asian restaurant. I see it all the time and it’s beyond an affectation. It’s not cultural or cool or respectful of the Asian culture — it’s simply pretentious and showy-jackass behavior. It’s the hallmark of someone who hates the fact that they live in the western world where we use knives and forks. They think they’re too good for knives and forks but in reality, they are dull and uninteresting and lacking in charm so they have to make up for it by trying to do a trick. Their dull trick is chopsticks. Since they don’t have a few flaming hula hoops through which they can jump a bunch of toy poodles, they try to impress you with the fact that they know how to use two shitty pieces of wood to eat food like an Asian person. I would like to see these turds juggle a couple of wontons too, but that would be too much to ever hope for — like wishing for a pony on Christmas Eve.
You have to understand that white people who use chopsticks are fakers and frauds. If you go on a date with someone, and the venue is any variety of Asian restaurant, the first thing you should notice is your date’s choice of eating utensils. If they use the chopsticks, don’t date them ever again. If they ASK for chopsticks, you should leave at that very moment. Simply walk away and don’t look back. There is no future with a white man or woman who chooses to use chopsticks in an Asian restaurant in the USA or Canada.
The second thing I hate are non Japanese people who eat sushi. They can’t get enough — they’re sickening and stupid. It’s not only pretentious and stupid and sickening and dumb, it’s unhealthy and it’s a rip-off. Of course the dimwits who have to have their sushi are too stupid to realize that 90% of the sushi they buy in New York city is slowly killing them — and more than 50% of the time, the tuna they say you’re eating is not really tuna at all — it’s some junk fish that just happens to look like tuna. They’re most likely feeding you escolar (oil fish) and that fish has been banned in Japan since 1977 because it’s so dangerous to eat. Strangely, sushi you buy in a supermarket is more likely to be properly labeled than the sushi that is served to you in sushi restaurants. It’s been determined that 18% of sushi in supermarkets is mislabeled as tuna, but 72% is intentionally mislabeled in high-priced sushi joints throughout the USA. Can you believe that? You should — it’s true.
Fake tuna is the worst offender. Over 72% of “tuna” sold in sushi restaurants in big cities like New York and Chicago has been proven via DNA testing to not be tuna at all. In fact, it’s actually Escolar — probably one of the most dangerous fishes a human can eat. Even when cooked it’s a sickening and dangerous food that causes all kinds of intestinal and liver problems. Imagine what it can do to you when you eat it raw. It’s known to cause — at the very least — a constant and chronic oily leakage from the anus. That’s not a joke – that’s what it does. One doctor believes that anyone who feeds their child sushi in New York City or anywhere for that matter, should be brought up on charges of child endangerment. Where does that shrimp Bloomberg stand on this. He won’t let you drink a big gulp but he’ll let you eat ocean parasites and killer viruses.
So you see — if you combine the two things — the chopstick jackass and the sushi-eating moron, you get a double whammy of the most pretentious people who are the easiest to spot.
Listen up ! Chopsticks are for Asian people — got that? Asian people are people from China and Japan and Korea and Mongolia and Vietnam etc., — do you get the picture? Like Jerry Seinfeld said, “You know, you’re not Chinese.”
Furthermore, sushi is DANGEROUS to eat. Raw food is dangerous — especially fish. It is loaded with all kinds of microscopic, aquatic parasites. So big deal, you enjoy a big dish of sushi and you eat it with chopsticks and toss back a tiny glass of that crap called Saki — and then — four or five years later you’ll be wondering why you have a distended liver and all kinds of other illnesses — and maybe you’ll even die.
If you’ve ever taken a course in parasitological science — and why would you — you would NEVER eat sushi — unless you’re a young and hip New Yawk doctor who is trying to impress some hot Protestant chick from Omaha — and of course you’ll use chopsticks. OH IT MAKES ME SO SICK!!!
Listen to me. Do not eat sushi. It isn’t what they say it is. Asian restaurants are filthy and they serve you fake tuna and fake snapper and fake everything. They greet fishing boats at the docks and buy all the junk fish like sea robins and skates and sell it to you as monkfish and scallops. It’s true. They punch circular holes in the wings of skates and sell it as scallops — they’ve been doing that for decades. Skates are the scum of the ocean and sea robins are only half a notch above them.
Sushi business people — especially restaurateurs are slime balls. All you need to do is look at the facts and figues. 72% of the time they sell you a poisonous fish that has been banned in Japan for 35 years and tell you it’s tuna. I am not joking when I tell you that these scrounges of humanity would feed you pigeon shit it if they could wrap it in seaweed and rice and make it taste like fish. I am not trying to be funny.
If you don’t believe me about the sushi — Google the words — Fake Tuna Escolar — then send me a thank you note.
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Exclusive for TheDamienZone.com by Damien LeGallienne.