The Damien Zone is sorry to announce that actor George Clooney is officially UGLY. I know that sounds harsh, but it happens to be true if you believe the results of a recent study conducted in South Africa.
According to that recent study in Human Cultural and Sociological Aesthetics by experts in Johannesburg, South Africa, 78% of randomly chosen people participating in a study of TRUE BEAUTY and PERCEIVED BEAUTY judged George Clooney to be a LEVEL 3 UGLY on a scale where a LEVEL 1 UGLY would be the ugliest and a LEVEL 20 would be the most beautiful. The bifurcation point between UGLY AND BEAUTIFUL shifts at LEVEL 10. So, in ordinary terminology, on a scale of 1 to 20, with 20 being the best looking you can be and 1 being the ugliest, George Clooney got a 4.
According to researcher team leader, Dr. Gable Lodotho, PhD, “Only men with illness and obvious defects scored below #4 on our scale so it would be safe to assume that the American actor George Clooney, as far as our study goes, is considered to be ugly but not as ugly as unfortunate individuals with horrible deformities or syndromes associated with various illness of the skin or facial features.”
The Damien Zone doubts the validity of this study because we might be dealing here with cultural differences and opinions of beauty throughout the world. In some cultures — African and Asian cultures especially — factors that determine beauty or attractiveness are very different. What Western Culture sees as “beauty” might easily be labeled as “ugly” by various cultures. Dr. Lodotho, however, disagrees — and he got nasty about it.
“Our study picked all diversities of people and ethnic diversity. Simply because the study took place in South Africa does not mean that we used only African peoples as test subjects. Most of our test subjects were culled from a list of resident aliens in and around Johannesburg, and we intentionally picked nearly 300 people from all parts of the world. In fact, western peoples were a bit over-represented in the study; with Americans, Brits and French accounting for a disproportionate amount of the data. In those countries Mr. Clooney is a motion picture celebrity and one would think that the scales would be in his favour, but they were not. Also, this study is not about George Clooney and when the study began I strongly objected to using photos of famous people because I feared that things like you are asking me would make a mockery of the study overall. We are here to learn about what the human mind does to discern beauty from ugliness and I will not be bothered with this silly Hollywood nonsense. It is not scientific to say, ‘George Clooney is ugly,’ when we are not studying George Clooney.”
The Damien Zone, through many of its sources, spoke with a few people who participated in the study and we asked her about the test.
Claire Bonnaire-Francke of Limoges, France, a participant in the study had this to say:
“I gave George Clooney a very low score and so did my testing partner who was a middle-aged man from Japan.…I think we gave him about a 3.20 or something close to that because in the picture he was shirtless and he looked haggard and sickly. His beard was much too thick and coarse and his face was drawn”
An unidentified 44-year-old man from Toronto Canada who was partnered with a Nigerian woman in the study had this to say:
“He looked like someone who was either starving or dying. In fact, I have never found George Clooney to be good looking and neither do any of my friends. I think it’s an Emperor’s New Clothes kind of thing and we’re trained to think that George Clooney is a hot guy when in fact he is kind of gross and frightening — especially with his sickly and very scrawny body was bared from the waist up for the camera. Perhaps if Dr. Lodotho had used a better picture, George Clooney would not have scored so low on the ugly scale, but I don’t think it really would have mattered much.”
Karolyn-Anne Blyther, a 26-year old woman from Liverpool, England offered her opinions about the study in which she was a participating subject.
“I agree with the study. I think George Clooney is basically ugly and he deserved to score as low as he did, but I was shocked to find out that Gerard Depardieu scored higher at a level 6 because he is about as ugly as they come, but he looks healthy and perhaps that’s what we were seeing when we judged people. Maybe we are drawn away from sickly people, or people we seem to think are sickly much in the same way we are drawn away from bad smells or dead bodies. Maybe it’s a survival instinct or something of that nature. I don’t know.”
Dr Lodotho did not allow The Damien Zone to interview any of the other participants because the entire concept that this was about fame and western aesthetics was very annoying for him, — but is it true that George Clooney is really ugly?
People we polled on a New York City street were split 50-50 on it but what was common in all the responses we got was the fact that people think George Clooney is underweight and sickly looking. He has dieted himself into oblivion or something 40% of the people in our study agreed that he was a good looking man, while 60% of the people said they had assumed he was a good looking guy until we showed them a recent photo of the actor. In those cases many of the people we polled in our unscientific survey paused briefly and then changed their minds — lowering him a lot on the good looking scale.
“I guess I was brain-washed into thinking he was the handsomest guy in the world, but now that I look at him, he’s pretty damn ugly,” said a Manhattan man who refused to identify himself.