Snooki Arrested in Italy? 30 Days in Jail?

“Snooki, the sub-human Jersey Shore mutant has been sentenced to 30-days in jail by an Italian civil court judge who revoked her international driver’s license and ordered her deported after her prison term is up,” said an undisclosed source close to the courthouse. “She is a disgrace to the USA and thank God she isn’t really of Italian ancestry.” 

That remark alluded to the fact that Snooki is some kind of Aztec or something who was adopted by Italian-Americans as an infant who was found strapped to a runaway llama high in the Andes Mountains of Peru.

TheDamienZone.com has been unable to verify this fact, but it was previously noted by Italian Foreign Ministry insiders that Snooki and her gang were NOT WANTED in Italy and now that she has injured two police officers the Italian authorities want her to stay in Italy — but only to do the 30 days in jail.

“Snooki fled to the American Embassy and pleaded to former US President Jimmy Carter to save her,” said a source close to the embassy.

Allegedly, Jimmy Carter is very friendly with Snooki ever since she donated all of her earnings from speaking at Rutgers University to Habitat For Humanity.

“Snooki told President Carter that the Italians were blood-thirsty and greasy animals,”  continued the source.  “She pleaded with him to send a blackhawk helicopter to whisk her away from Italy, but Carter has had pretty bad luck with helicopter rescues and he had to beg off and blame Snooki’s problems on past Presidents.   Snooki was pleading for her freedom but Carter was going on and on about all the other Presidents and how bad they were compared to him.  He really was a jerk to Snooki.”

It seems, according to sources, that Snooki pissed of an Italian judge by walking around Florence with a neck brace after the accident but then she boldly took the brace off and waved it at photographers.  You see, in Italy people have dignity and laws to support that dignity.  She’s not in the USA where any mutant or miscreant can do something really vulgar and be rewarded for it – good for her that she had to learn that lesson the hard way.

Jersey Shore Italy Car Crash Hoax.

The cast of Jersey Shore did not get the rousing welcome or splash of news attention they thought they would get when they went to Italy this month so they decided to stage a car crash with a cop car.   These Guidos and Guidettes will do anything for attention

They say there is no such thing as bad press but this time there might be bad press and then some– and an Italian Judge is ready to throw the book at them. 

Seems that the REAL Italians don’t like these Jersey Shore folks one bit — they are very not amused.

“The people in Italy are embarrassed by these ill-bred Americans who come from Italian peasant stock,” said a source close to the Italian Ministry.

“We do not want them here and we thought we’d made that apparent by ignoring them, but now this car crash fiasco will land them in a lot of hot water — and don’t make a joke about pasta just because I said hot water because that’s all you stupid Americans think about when you think of Italians — Pasta pasta pasta and pizza pizza pizza!. 

“Nobody was paying any attention to these descendants of Ellis Island huddled masses,  and a judge had issued an edict prior to their arrival that anyone who gave them food or shelter while they were here would be dealt with as criminals who violated the law by ‘Contributing To The Degradation of Italian Culture.’   We have laws against that.  Mussolini’s dead and mutilated body was trampled in the streets and pissed on because he violated that law — and a few other things. 

“Maybe now a few people are getting a charge out of this, but the average Italian is very angry and we’ll make those stupid idiots starve to death before we give in to this idea that Italians, the blood of the true Roman heritage,  are like Snooki or Pauly D or The Situation.  Okay, so maybe they have better abs than Michelangelo’s statue of David or even Raphael’s Christ, but that doesn’t give them the right to run amuck in our country.  They are lucky the Pope isn’t Italian, otherwise they would be burned at the stake as heretics.  This Pope is German and he likes to see Italians look like assholes.”

Oh geez!  MTV thought that it would be a good idea to send the cast to Italy and raise European awareness of the hit TV show, but what they didn’t know was there was already European awareness, and in Italy most of the public consciousness was very negative.  They  are not proud of these Americans of Italian ancestry because the average Italian man in the street is humiliated by Italian stereotypes that have nothing to do with Italy.  Edie Falco, because of her connections with “The Sopranos” is not even allowed in Italy.  There is a warrant for her arrest for stereotyping Italians as pushy, stupid, liberal, left-wing loud-mouth broads.  Kay Ballard, however, an Italian-American comedienne and actress is very welcome as long as she doesn’t talk about her Lesbianism.

“They call themselves Italiano and they talk with their hands like apes who learn sign language,” said Marco Brunello, a director at Italy’s biggest cable TV Conglomerate. 

“There is nothing in Italy that is Italian in the way that is depicted by MTV and the people on Jersey Shore.    The show is a disgrace to Italians and a joke to describe  Americans —  and for the most part, the Italians who went to the United States at the turn of the century were poor and stupid — these Guidos are their descendants and they’re garbage.  It’s a lot like the way people are in Australia.  Sure they have accomplished a lot, but peasant stock is peasant stock — we don’t want them here in Rome. ”

MTV made a big mistake sending the Guidos and Guidettes to Rome because Brunello’s statement reflect the opinion of just about every Italian with whom we spoke.

“They should have sent those Jersey Shore low-lifes to France,” said a source close to the Italian Embassy.  “In France they love the fact that Italians are portrayed as barbarians on a big TV scale.  Nothing makes a Frenchman happier than to see Italians and Americans both looking like stupid idiots.  Jersey Shore is a huge hit in France but the Italians pretend that it does not exist.  If the Guidos had gone to France they would have been welcomed as conquering heroes.   MTV really screwed up.”

So now the cast is being accused of staging this car accident to get attention and Snooki is walking around Rome wearing a neck brace for no apparent reason. 

“When this goes before a judge,” said Brunello as he hastily downed a Campari and orange juice, “he will throw the book at them and Snooki might be looking at 5-years behind bars.  This isn’t a joke because you don’t come to Italy and make a fool out of us.  They’re going to be very sorry they did this.”

Parents Raise Baby With “NO GENDER.” — SICK BUT TRUE!

It is nothing if not an unorthodox approach to child rearing and maybe a sick way to get a reality show deal. ” [Damien LeGallienne]

A psychotic Toronto couple says they trying to raise a genderless child and they’re refusing to reveal baby Storm’s sex to encourage a more neutral approach to the infant.

In other words, they are f**king up their kid from the very beginning.

Hiding the 4-month-old’s sex from the outside world is a “tribute to freedom and choice” that they hope will let Storm grow up unfettered by the values of others, Kathy Witterick and David Stocker have been quoted as saying.

“They want the baby to be an outsider and a misfit and this is one sure-fire way of doing it — they are a really sick couple of morons,” said psychologist close to the TheDamienZone.com.

“Why not just pretend that the baby got caught in a runaway helium balloon. Of course that’s already been done but crazy is crazy. These sick people have opted for this highly disturbing way of svhild rearing. and I don’t think they really care what happens to the kid in the long run so long as they get fame and a reality show.”

Experts question the sanity of the parents and the future for the child. They note that gender identity is a complex, mysterious force that has at least as much to do with biological factors present at birth as the person’s social interactions. This does not mattter to the parents because they are hell-bent on ruining this kid’s life even if they have to dress him as a taco and hang him out in front of a Mexican restaurant.

In fact, “there is little hard, scientific data on exactly what does make people feel and act like a boy or a girl, but some evidence points to gender identity being hard-wired,” says Michele Angello, a U.S. psychologist.

Angello specializes in helping “gender-variant” people – those born with the body of one sex but convinced they are the other. Many go on to have sex-change operations. The way people act toward them certainly affects how they feel about themselves; whether it actually molds their identity to start with is another question, she said.

She said it is certainly important for parents to support children who do not conform to the stereotypical behaviour of their physical sex, but suggested that the Toronto parents may be veering too far toward neutrality and perhaps venturing into a vey damaging and subtle form of child neglect.

TheDamienZone.com thinks that the parents should be arrested for negligence and that’s exactly what might happen.

“We might make a motion to have the child and the parents put under observation,” said an unidentified governement source. “This might be child abuse of the sickest order.”

“Many people feel forced to raise their kids in a certain way because they are one or the other gender, Then we go to the other extreme, where there is no such thing as gender, which is not necessarily living in the real world.”

Other experts in the area say the idea is unlikely to do any harm, but will soon become next to impossible to keep going. All say it is important to discourage stereotyping that, for instance, pressures women to avoid certain careers or discourages boys from pursuing certain activities deemed feminine.

Witterick and Stocker’s project with Storm was featured at length last weekend in the pages of the Toronto Star, sparking a largely negative response from the publication’s readership.

The couple could not be reached for comment. According to the report, though, the couple are driven to curb the impact of sexual stereotyping on their two sons, Jazz, 5, and Kio, 2, as well, encouraging them to choose clothes and playthings that are sometimes less than boyish.

“Jazz loves to paint his fingernails and wear pink. Kio, like his brother, is sometimes mistaken for a girl,” say one angry source.

“You can tell just by looking at the mother that she has crazy eyes, They both look like a couple of weirdos and it’s a darn shame because the kids are cute. They have one of the little guys polishing his nails and wearing doll clothes. It makes me want to cry.”