Story About Curtain Rods, Shrimp and Caviar and Smelly House — Hoax.

A recent Facebook “SHARE” about a woman and shrimp and caviar and curtain rods got me this letter from a Finnish anthropological psychologist, Dr. Tootsie Sherwood MD PhD.  Dr. Sherwood went an awfully long way to describe the truth about the dopey Facebook meme.

Dear Mr. Damien LeGallienne,

A very large percentage of people on Facbook are very unintelligent, and to them, Facebook is simply a very basic toy with which they can pass the uninspiring time that goes by so slowly in those of limited mind.  I would compare these Facebook story-sharing people to toddlers who play with blocks or pots and pans.   The difference — for the purposes of this analogy — is that the child’s mind is developing and growing, but these unintelligent people of Facebook are quite the opposite.  They are sinking deeper into the mindless chambers of the tragically limited brain which leads them to the certain aspects of Facebook where simplicity and stupidity thrive.

In psychology, there are three ranges of mental limitation, and these limitations are assigned certain words, which in the English language are now used as insults to describe someone who is deemed to be either unintelligent, or silly or mindless.  These words are:  IDIOT, IMBECILE and MORON.  Although they are now thought of as funny or perhaps even politically incorrect, they are real scientific terms which were coined by French psychologist Dr. Alfred Binet in 1916, and they were once used to describe the varying levels of mental limitations suffered by some people.  Today these “labels” are looked upon as unkind, but don’t be fooled.  The work done by Alfred Binet has never been discredited. 

Morons, Idiots and Imbecile still exist and they account for nearly 30% of the world’s population. The terminology to describe these pathetic creatures has been changed to a lot of psychological mumb0-jumbo because we live in a world where the inferior mind is applauded and awarded and made to believe that it is “special”  — we are living in the age of the moron.

According to Binet, the IDIOT is the most mentally deficient, and he is basically unable to think beyond the level of an infant.  The IQ of a person who has the psycholgical designation of being an idiot –according to the Binet scale —  is somewhere in 0-25 range. 

The IMBECILE is somewhat less feeble of mind.  The IQ of an imbecile is averaged to be 26-50.  A typical example of an imbecile would be the proverbial “Village Idiot” or something of that nature.

The MORON, however, while certainly limited and extremely unntelligent, falls into an IQ area of about 51-70.  Morons function rather well in society and they account for a lot of your basic laborers and housekeepers and housewives and gardeners and teh vast amount of people who watch network sitcoms and local news programmes. 

The moron loves popular culture but he doesn’t truly understand it for what it is.  He is simply entertained by shows like Modern Family and Big Bang Theory.  The newest avenue that has opened up vast new worlds for the moron is Facebook. 

With Facebook, the functional moron can flex what little intellect he has, and in doing so, Facebook becomes a sort of child’s toy.  Morons seem to enjoy inspirational topics; especially ones where good triumphs over evil.  They love to find hope and enrichment in quotes they find to be inspiring and profound. 

Naturally, the things the moron loves so much are seen as childish and simple to people of normal intelligence, but to the moron, the world of Facebook elevates him to a social level where he can function normally simply because he eventually seeks out his own kind.  With these new cyber friends he is the intellectual equal.  He hs found a world where he belongs.  It’s actually rather touching to watch, but be that as it may, the subject at hand is the Facebook sharing of the “moron” and how he is the deciding force that keeps Facebook churning and chugging along.   They are the “Morons Who Share” and we have studied them extensively. 

Sincerely, Tootsie Sherwood, MD. 

Okay, so thank you to Dr. Sherwood for sharing that but of information with us, because it’s just the kind of scientific stuff we need to know to describe the latest fake Facebook share.  It’s even more fun to know how and why these shares are so popular.  I have always accused Facebook sharers of being morons and simpletons, but I never thought that my opinions were scientific truths in the world of psychology and anthropology.  I must be some kind of genius or something.

Anyway, the Morons who “share” on Facebook, are now entertaining a new dumb share — even dumber than the fake Dalai Lama and Betty White quotes.  It’s hard to believe that they are getting dumber in spite of the fact that I have tried so hard to educate and motivate them into knowing when a story is fake and old and untrue.  I have learned, however, that one simply cannot help these simple-minded creatures.  I cannot inspire their empt minds to think deeper thoughts.  Now, however, thanks to Dr.Sherwoods informative letter, I can justify my anger with science.

It seems the latest craze on Facebook with the simpletons, is a fake story about a woman who lost her house in a divorce from her low-down, two-timing husband.  Before the poor tortured wife is evicted from the palacial house he worked so hard to help make into a home, she treats herself to shrimp and caviar and wine.  When nobody is looking, she takes the uneaten shrimp parts and some caviar and slips them into the curtain rods throughout the house.  When she’s long gone and the husband has moved his new girlfriend into the house, the place starts to gradually stink.  The new couple try everything to stop the smell but nobody can find where it’s coming from.

Every “expert” in cleaning and deodorizing is called in and nothing helps.  Some cleaning experts determine that the house is rotting away with mold and that there is nothing  that can be done.

Of course you can guess that the first wife, the one who hid the shrimp and caviar, calls the ex-husband and inquires nicely about things.  The low-down skunk — believing his wife to be stupid and gullible  — schemes to sell the wife back the house at a bargain price without telling her about the odors. Naturally and she agrees and buys the house back.

Now here is the kicker — the final thing that puts this story into the museum of Facebook stupidity and simple-mindedness.

The wife buys the house and when she pulls up with a moving truck, she sees the husband moving everything out of the house into another moving truck.  Of course the last thing he carries out is an armful of curtain rods.

Isn’t that precious?  Isn’t that a lovely story?  It’s just the kind of stuff that simple people like.  It’s the “Jesus Footprints in the Sand” of anti-hero urban legends, and it’s nice to know that people with low intellligence, and low wit, and nary of trace of wisdom or insight, have a story to make them “lol” and cheer for the underdog.

I asked another psychologist why this story will not go away and I showed him Dr. Sherwood’s letter – Dr. Raymond Tote-Tundy MD PhD, President and CEO of The Skylight Insitute for Higher Learning and Mental Advancement in Vienna, Austria — he said this:

“In the mind of the moron, the slimy husband represents the evil-doings of people of average, or above-average, intelligence.  The moron sees the wife as a tragic figure who is trod upon by minds that so easily outwit his own.   The fact that the wife has won in spite of the fact that she is viewed as stupid and easily fooled is enthralling to the moron and this is why so many of these kinds of memes or “shares” are so popular on Facebook.  The moron triumphs over his slave masters.  It’s a very basic plot, and it is what has made Facbook as popular as it is.  Keep in mind that the average Facebooker who shares inspirational articles is, at the very least, a moron.  It sounds unkind, but in truth it’s pure truth rooted in real science.”

So that’s what Dr. Traherne had to say.

After all that, what is the real truth?  The real truth is that the whole story is fake.  Of course scorned husbands and wives have sabotaged property that was taken from them in a divorce or breakup, but this story is based on a short story that was written by an anonymous author in an 1899 edition of the Illinois State Dispatch News.  A newspaper that has been out of business since 1907.

Damien LeGallienne reporting exclusively for TheDamienZone.com