There used to be a joke about a guy who tells his friend that he recently purchased a Grecian urn. His friend asks, “What’s a Grecian urn?” To which the guy responds, “It depends on how well his diner in New Jersey is doing.” Bud-dump-bump!
Anyway, with the collapse of the economy in Greece, many Greek restaurateurs are coming to America and New Jersey is expecting that there will be at least 100 new Greek diners in the Garden State by the year 2017.
“Our business forecasts, my friend, show that Greeks are coming to USA in droves and many of them are opening Greek diners, my friend” said Costas Tsnoukis of Tenafly, NJ. USA,
“A recent flow chart, my friend, shows that there will be more Greek eateries in New Jersey within 5 years than there will be in all of Greece, my friend.”
One hundred new Greek diners in New Jersey within 5 years means that there will be a Greek diner on every corner of every street. What that means basically is that you will be able to get a hot plate of baked Chilean Sea Bass or broiled rack of lamb with baby Yukon potatoes at 3 o’clock in the morning. This is great news for pot heads.
It also means big business to greeting card and keychain and engraving companies who will now be making a fortune carving out the names Spiro, Gus and Nick.
“I already got an order for 10,000 little play license plates for kid’s bikes with the names Gus and Spiro on them,” said Connie DeGennaro, who owns a toy and hobby store in Demerest, New Jersey.
“So many guys who smell like Aramis and Paco Raban, with button down striped shirts and gold watches are coming in here asking for those names. I had to order them from a company in Brooklyn because the factory in Greece went out of business last week. They keep calling me, ‘my flend’ and I don’t know what that means, but as long as they’re buying, I’m happy. Flend could mean sucker bitch for all I know– so I’m a sucker bitch– who gives a shit?”
Editor’s note: What the Greeks were saying was “my friend” but Ms. DeGennaro was imitating their Greek accents.
Local anglers are overjoyed that the Greek diners are moving in.
“Now we’ll have something to do with all the shitty bluefish and fluke we catch,” said Captain Frank D’Antico, the skipper of a boutique fishing fleet out of Belmar, NJ.
“Nobody eats that crappy bluefish or the flukes but the Greek diners order a lot of it because there is always some idiot who sees it on the menu in a Greek diner and thinks that it must be good. They pass off the fluke as flounder and everybody is happy.
“Fluke are okay but bluefish are the scum of the ocean. They’re like swimming pigeons. We go out with paying customers to catch them only because they fight like bastards. Pound for pound, a bluefish is the strongest fish in the sea — and they travel in giant packs like armies. If bluefish were as big as sharks, there would be nowhere to swim on the east coast of the USA — especially New Jersey. They’d eat you up in a minute.
” I once saw a 12 pounder bite a guy’s finger right off. These are mean little bastards I’m talking about — not the bluefish — the Greeks.
Gus Basolopolous, a very recent immigrant and the owner of new The Intergalactic Diner on Route 35 in Toms River, NJ is excited that he is so close to the Belmar Boat Basin.
“I can drive only twenty-five miles, my friend, and get all the fresh bluefish I need, my friend,” said Basolopolous from the ceremonial ground-breaking for a fifty-five unit home subdivision he is also building in Manahawkin, NJ.
“I came here to the USA last Thursday with nothing, my friend — NOTHING — and now I have all this, my friend. Only in America, my friend. Only in America.”
So now New Jerseyans won’t even have to cook thanks to the collapse of the Greek economy. People are going to get really fat because if you feel like having meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy at midnight, all you’ll have to do is walk to the corner of your street, my friend.