Satan is back in Hollywood and he just offed another wanna-be celebrity — but spared the wife because she might be slated for a new reality show — REAL UNTALENTED CELEBRITY SKANKS OF HELL.
The estranged husband of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” cast member Taylor Armstrong apparently killed himself in his home, according to police and the Los Angeles county coroner’s office. Authorities suspect that Satan or other malevolent forces of nature that run amuck in Hollywood and Reality TV may have been the ultimate cause.
“Satan follows these kinds of people and he often kills them for fun or just because he starts to hate them,” said occult expert Dean Traherne of the Beverly Hills Center For Demonic and Pentogramic Studies.
“The casual TV viewer just gets angry or wonders how these people got famous. Sometimes a viewer will shut off the TV but Satan shuts off the people altogether because he’s the one with whom these sickos make contracts. Eventually he gets so sick of their shallow and sickening ways that he just kills them. The scariest part is that the one’s he spares are actually being set up for a worse fate — and that won’t come for another 60 or 70 years — and it’s gonna suck big time. You do not fuck with Satan – especially when it’s involving a Hollywood career or anything to do with Hollywood.”
Russell Armstrong’s lawyer said he’s “100% convinced” Armstrong’s role in the reality show created his depression, but he does not blame the Bravo network for his death. He didn’t want to blame Bravo because he might possibly want his own reality show about the Lawyers of Beverly Hills — and he didn’t want to burn that bridge.
Investigators did not find a suicide note near the body of Armstrong, 47, who was pronounced dead at 8:16 p.m. Monday, Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter said Tuesday. His body was found in a Mulholland Drive home in the hills above Bel Air, California, Winter said. This is an area where Satan likes to hang out and eventually knock off these kinds of people.
“It does appear to be a suicide by hanging,” Los Angeles Police spokesman Richard French said. This story is so creepy that I’m afraid to write it in the dark.
After Taylor Armstrong filed for divorce last month she told People magazine that she was verbally and physically abused during their nearly six-year marriage. We’ll never know if this is true because Satan took control of the clean-up — ugh!
“I felt like I was dying inside,” she told People. “Now, there’s some sense of peace.”
In his interview with People beofre he strung himself up with Satan’s help, Russell Armstrong said, “Maybe things happened in the heat of the moment, but it was during a time in our lives that was not characteristic of who we were. This show has literally pushed us to the limit.”
Look — if you want to be famous for NO REASON and you get help from Satan, don’t come crying to me when your husband hangs himself.