Fresh off his recent tirade where veteran comic Jerry Lewis stated that he would smack Lindsay Lohan in the face and put Paris Hilton over his knee and spank her, Jerry added fuel to fire by saying that he would also beat the shit out of Katie Couric.
“The other two are just kids,” said the 97 year old prankster from his BelAir home.
“They need a fire lit under them, but that Katie Couric, she makes me sick. I’m a lot older than she is and I wish I could go back in time and keep her parents from meeting. If I saw her in the street I think I would beat the shit out of her.
“She does that fakakta show in the morning and when I see her fake smiling face all the bran and metamucil in my large intestine starts to churn up gas and bubbles. Politically she is a moron and you have to know that the smile is a fake. There is no way on this green earth that she’s not a bitch begging for a beating in real life.”
When told about Jerry’s remarks, Katie smiled.
“I have nothing but the greatest respect for Jerry Lewis and all the great work he has done for children with neuromuscular diseases.” said Couric from her Central Park West Penthouse. ” If he wants to smack me around I’m okay with that because if it helps Jerry, then it will help so many children and who could say no to that?”
Oddly, the children with muscular dystrophy want to beat Couric up too.
“Someday, thanks to Mr. Lewis, I will be better, and the first thing I am going to do is beat up Katie Couric and call her a bitch,” said little Timmy Michaels from his twitter account out in Omaha. “Even regular kids don’t like her because no matter how fucked up you are, you can see that she is a total phony.”
Mother Teresa offered her comments from heaven where she drives the school bus for children in Limbo.
“It’s a shame but about 90% of kids need a good smack,” said Mother Teresa as she dropped a set of unbaptized non-Christian triplets off at their Limbo trailer home. “Just because you’re in your twenties doesn’t mean you’re not a kid anymore. If you ask me I wouldn’t smack them. I would make them drink Ganges river water and let them shit their brains out for a few weeks. That really makes your ass burn and you get dehydrated too.