The Damien Zone

Not one midget was killed on 9-11 <——click here. “We just don’t think that midgets should be down here trying to do what normal people do,” said New York City subway patrolman John Brady as he kicked a midget dressed as Michael Jackson in New York Penn Station.   “It’s an insult to Michael Jackson and people of average height  and to all the people from five foot two to six feet seven who got killed on 9-11.  We don’t even want the mayor

The scaffolding being erected around Leonardo DiCaprio’s head is not being done by carpenters as one would assume.  Rather,  it’s being assembled by a team of neurosurgeons who are desperately trying to stop DiCaprio’s over-sized cranium from lifting off and falling onto his shoulders.  or perhaps shooting off into space. “If  the top of his gigantic head should seperate it could fall onto his shouders,” said Dr. Falko Strenz of the Hospital For Advanced Huge Head Studies.  “No matter whicc

As the sun rises over the 10,000 block of Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, California, singer Barry Manilow lies in a recovery room after undergoing the final in a series of complex reconstructive surgeries that have converted him from a human being to a seagull and finally to the rarely seen Pacific Leather Vested Whooping Crane. TheDamienZone.com last reported that Manilow was enjoying life as a seagull and that last night’s surgery would be the last in his conversion.  Over

After several operations in which singer Barry Manilow is attempting to transform himself into a rare seabird,  Manilow appeared on a beach in Dana Point, California to answer reporter’s questions.   “Currently I am still a work in progress,” said Manilow.  “At this point I am just a seagull or, to be more precise, I am a Pacific Tern, but later today I will have another surgery and hopefully my dream plan will be hatched.”   Barry Manilow has been enduring a harrowing  series of plastic surgeries that

So many people come grumbling out of shithole restaurants, but all they do is get to complain about it to friends and family.  We here at TheDamienZone.com want you to tell us your story. We don’t care how foul your language or who you offend, we will put up your restaurant complaint for all the world to see.  We only ask that you are serious and not just trying to screw a place because your ex-husband owns it or something like

He used to be a skinny little stick of a kid,  but now he is a hulking beastly she-man with small balls and a whole lotta make-up.  This sudden change in appearance has tongues wagging that Vegas comic Carrot Top may not only be putting steroids in  his eyeliner, he might also be what sex doctors call a “gender-fuck.”   Yes,  gender fuck is the scientific term for somebody who seems very feminine in one respect and very masculine in another,  but some of his

Mike “The Situation”  Sorrentino, the rocket scientist turned Jersey Guido and costar of MTV’s “Jersey Shore”  got the shock of his life when he checked the telephone messages at the Seaside Heights, New Jersey home he shares with the rest of the MTV cast. “The freakin area code was 310 so I freakin knew it was Los Angeles,” said Sorrentino. This guy who left the message was  freakin screaming into the phone.   Man, I got so pumped and mad that I had to go to

First Rush Limbaugh went deaf and then Glenn Beck annnounced that he’s going blind, but just when you thought the news couldn’t get any worse, it was announced today that Sean Hannity’s doctor’s have discovered that the Fox pundit is rapidly  losing his sense of touch. “In a few more weeks he won’t be able to feel anything,” said his doctor Shamus O’Magillicutty.  “He will never know if he himself is scratching his balls or if someone else is doing it for