The Damien Zone

He used to be a skinny little stick of a kid,  but now he is a hulking beastly she-man with small balls and a whole lotta make-up.  This sudden change in appearance has tongues wagging that Vegas comic Carrot Top may not only be putting steroids in  his eyeliner, he might also be what sex doctors call a “gender-fuck.”   Yes,  gender fuck is the scientific term for somebody who seems very feminine in one respect and very masculine in another,  but some of his […]

Mike “The Situation”  Sorrentino, the rocket scientist turned Jersey Guido and costar of MTV’s “Jersey Shore”  got the shock of his life when he checked the telephone messages at the Seaside Heights, New Jersey home he shares with the rest of the MTV cast. “The freakin area code was 310 so I freakin knew it was Los Angeles,” said Sorrentino. This guy who left the message was  freakin screaming into the phone.   Man, I got so pumped and mad that I had to go to […]

First Rush Limbaugh went deaf and then Glenn Beck annnounced that he’s going blind, but just when you thought the news couldn’t get any worse, it was announced today that Sean Hannity’s doctor’s have discovered that the Fox pundit is rapidly  losing his sense of touch. “In a few more weeks he won’t be able to feel anything,” said his doctor Shamus O’Magillicutty.  “He will never know if he himself is scratching his balls or if someone else is doing it for […]

A new scandal rocked the Catholic Church today after three priests were filmed at gay nightspots and having casual sex.  What made the scandal even worse was that the priests were using the sacrificial wine to get drunk and  using the confessionals as Buddy Booths.  When a regular run-of-the-mill sinner slipped in the confessional on a puddle of Whet, a personal lubricant popular amongst the clergy,  the Vatican called out its big guns.  These are priests with really big penises who punish […]

NOT YET — BUT WE’LL KEEP YOU POSTED.  

France is getting what it deserves but oddly French President Sarkozy is  not — he’s the good guy.  During his rise to and occupancy of the French presidency, Nicolas Sarkozy has regularly announced new law-and-order offensives in the hopes of stoking support among the majority of French voters who say they’re scared of crime. Typically, those policies have taken aim at Sarkozy’s preferred target: the banlieues, the troubled suburban housing projects that ring most French cities and are populated by […]

  Kathy Griffin is officially no longer funny and friends in her inner circle fear that even the gays are staying away in droves.  Could it be possible that even “her gays” are sick of her?  It sure looks like it.  “Kathy Griffin is like soooooo 2007,”  lisped Marc Lubrasil from behind the bar at Feathers night club in River Edge New Jersey where he works as a dishwasher.   “I mean, she is nice and all, but like she […]

Incarcerated temporary lesbian, Lindsay Lohan, has made it clear that her father Michael Lohan is not welcome to visit her in jail.  She also has not had visits from super creepy Hollywood parasite Samantha Ronson and other assorted grubs who have used her and made her life a fucking mess.