The Damien Zone

“It’s looks like a go ,” said producer Dano Suelek of Amibelle films.  “I called Steve Katzenberg and told him that Blago liked the script and ten minutes later Katezenberg called me back and said, ‘book ’em, Dano.’      “That was kind of funny,” continued Suelek.  “Jack Lord, the guy who used to play the part that Blagojevich has accepted, became famous for always saying that book ’em Dano thing, and it’s like a coincidence that my name is Dano and

“The lady who was trying to get to her suitcase had cold cream slathered all over her face,” said Sashi Liebowitz, a passenger on the Jet Blue plane where steward Steve Slater went wild and slid his way into fame.    “She wanted respect or something and the steward was just as bitchy.  I mean, these were two major bitches butting heads.  I ducked for cover but by then the guy opened the door and jumped down the slide.” The

“What a fabulous queen,” exclaimed passenger Frank D’Angelo, 81, of Brooklyn.    “I guess she just couldn’t take it anymore.  You should have seen her.  It was a sight to behold.  That fabulous queen grabbed her beer and slid down that slide like a true heroine.   She reminded me of the daffy bitchy queens of old.” D’Angelo, a passenger on a Jet Blue flight from Pittsburgh to John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York, was referring to the bizzare antics of

Activia yogurt might contain bacteria that help your digestion, but when “actress” Jamie Lee Curtis, the yogurt’s TV spokesperson ate too much, “she” shit her pants at The Golden Globe Awards.  Since that night “she” has consistently shit “her” pants every day, and the “actress” is blaming the problemon Activia. “I was not really having any trouble with my bowels,” said the 51 year old “actress” from “her” home in BelAir, California.  “The company gave me so much Activia that I

Actress and alien enabler, Patricia Neal, who won an Oscar in 1964 for “Hud” and later fought back from crippling strokes, has died at age 84. She also nearly died when an alien robot tried to kill her in Washington DC way back in 1952. She survived when she remembered what Klaatu, the robot’s master, told her to say. “Klaatu, Mirada Nikto,” were the words that got her spared back then but when Gort came back she kinda forgot the incantation. 

“Im just recovering from my injuries,” said Dr. Janet Garavaglia, known better to cable TV viewers as Dr. G. Medical Examiner.  “I was trying to saw off the top of a dead man’s head,” said Dr. G. “That’s my favorite part of an autopsy, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the saw to cut through the skull.  By the time I realized that something was wrong the saw kicked back and nearly cut off my hand.

DNA test have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man who brought us the Titanic is also the woman who brought us George Washington.   Genetic Scientists at the United State Institute Of Immortal First Lady Imposters have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that blockbuster motion picture director and producer James Cameron is really America’s first First Lady, Marth Washington. “It seems that Mrs. Washington  is immortal and over the past three several centuries she has had to

Snooki has a new man and his name is ………. NICHOLAS DEBARTOLOMEIS  of Toms River, New Jersey.