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Is Teddy Bear The Talking Porcupine a Hoax?

teddy

 

Is Teddy Bear The Talking Porcupine a Hoax?

Damien LeGallienne

Reporting for: The Damien Zone.com

There’s a new IOC (Internet Only Celebrity) sweeping the through the meaningless lives of the mindless morons of Facebook and all the other kinds of “this-is-so-cute-you-have-to-watch-it” social media, but this latest one is really worth all the fuss — or is it?

As some of you know, I openly loathe the FSWS (Facebook Simpletons Who Share) community, but this time, they may have found an Internet Only Celebrity (I.O.C or Eye-Yok) who is really cute and totally adorable and incredibly loveable — and probably FAKE — but I’m kinda-sorta not sure yet.

Yes, of course I am talking about Teddy Bear the Talking Porcupine.

If you’re a Facebooker and you have some simple-minded Facebook friends — and who doesn’t — you probably already know all about Teddy and you’ve seen his viral videos.

You’ve seen him eating corn on Thanksgiving, rose petals on Valentine’s Day,  pumpkins on Halloween, and if you live in Vietnam — where they love to eat these critters — you will soon see him eating lead.

The gist of Teddy’s viral videos — the things that makes them so adorable and appealing to the mentally limited — is the fact that Teddy Bear the Porcupine, talks while he eats — or at least it sounds like he’s talking or mumbling.

“Teddy” — who refers to himself in the first person on his very own Facebook page — appears to make strange gurgling, peeping, murmuring and some outright creepy sounds when he eats something he especially likes. The final irony is that Vietnamese people make the same sounds when they eat porcupines — so that’s an interesting anthropological observation for those who enjoy that kind of scientific stuff.

Anyway, I can be a real killjoy — I know that.  I don’t do it because I “live in my mom’s basement” or I am “off my meds” or because I am “pathetic” and a “sad and unhappy little man.” I do it because truth is more important than anything. Without truth you don’t have truth and without truth you don’t have truth.

Keep an eye out for the puns in the next paragraph and see how many you can count. Every time someone on Facebook guesses which word is a pun and then shares this story with another Facebook friend, a sick baby will get a free heart transplant and a pet porcupine.

I know that some of you will take out your quill pens and hurl barbs in my direction because you love Teddy Bear The Talking Porcupine, but doesn’t a shiver go up your collective spines when you wonder if the voice of Teddy is perhaps dubbed by a human — like when Harry Mandel did the voice of Gizmo in the flamboyantly moronic film “Gremlins.”  I don’t want to be prickly about this, but something is suspicious about the whole thing. Some of you rodents out there don’t like my opinions — I understand. You can needle me all you want in the comment section.

Be that as it may, something is screwy about the whole thing. I keep watching and watching Teddy‘s videos — waiting for that slip-up where it becomes obvious that somebody is pulling a fast one — and I found it.  I found the gimmick within the gimmick.

There are already far too many still photos of Teddy posing on his Facebook and YouTube pages with various football team helmets as background props.  It looks like the master plan by Teddy’s “people” might be to create a new kind of spiny Spuds Mackenzie for want of a Super Bowl deal.  For that reason alone, I think Teddy’s hungry chatter is fake.

Sorry, but I think that Teddy Bear the talking porcupine is not the little Chat-N-Chew that somebody is making him out to be.

I asked an expert. I always find someone…sometimes I even check their credentials.

“Porcupines are very vocal creatures. They make all kinds of sounds but mostly they grunt or squeak to let other porcupines know where they are. They’re mostly nocturnal and it’s rather hard to determine which sounds come from which animals. Porcupines in captivity are usually quiet and as far as this Teddy the talking Porcupine thing goes, I have never seen these kinds of vocalizations from a porcupine…but anything is possible with an animal who is already known to vocalize. I once saw a cat who said ‘Mna Mna Mna Mna Mna Mna’ all day long, so maybe Teddy’s videos are real.”  You can learn a lot about this subject from this famous zoologist here – http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3834680/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

Well — I don’t care what this expert says. Teddy has NOT appeared in National TV to strut his stuff — he is an IOC or INTERNET ONLY CELEBRITY — so that’s kind of suspicious right there.

I think — but I am not sure — that he had a chance to be on the Today Show with none other than that suave and debonair lady’s man-slash-meteorologist named Sam Champion, but he turned it down because of prior charity commitments. Sounds pretty prickly if you axe me.  What kind of charity event needs a procupine — Kids With Quills?  Sorry — I ain’t buyin’ it.

So the question remains: Is Teddy Bear the talking porcupine a hoax or is he real? The answer is — I DO NOT KNOW — I suspect he is totally fake — or at least his voice is fake — but then again, I am miserable son of a bitch and I live in my mom’s basement.

77 Comments
  1. I checked snopes and searched the web for “fake” and “fraud” + talking porcupine and Teddy Bear… your post came up. I was sucked in to the pumpkin video months ago, but this one got my back up. 😉 You mentioned looking for clues, and here’s what I noticed from this and other Teddy Bear videos. “MOM” is never “talking” at the same time as Teddy. Case closed. Sad, but cute. But sad.

  2. What is stupid is that people would be stupid enough to read your blog!

  3. I think your last sentence sums up this whole post. A shiver does not go up my spine. I just smile at the cute little guy and then move on with my day!

  4. My husband and I actually had the privilege of having Teddy Bear in our home today. The organization Zooniversity is located in Dallas and in order to help fund the care of the animals they offer private meet and greets. I can attest to the fact that Teddy does indeed make the most adorable noises. It’s not at all dubbed or staged. He’s very vocal guy! You can check out the video where Allison (his “mom”) is talking to my husband about what Teddy Bear likes to eat. You can hear Allison, my husband and Teddy all talking at the same time. He is adorable and not at all fake!

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10203200379556535&set=vb.1419620467&type=2&theater

  5. Personally I’ve watched the videos, I think they are the squeak and chatter of a cute critter whilst eating a treat- any pattern we hear to the voice is just our imagination of what we think we hear but it is entertaining and fun to watch. I watched a video of Teddy in an educational video, he is helping people learn about him and his species. At the end of the day, Teddy is getting a treat and we get a treat, he is not being harmed, and there is nothing fraudulent about these videos. Animals communicate with us in all forms, I film my cat and his hijinks without my voice on camera would you think I was sitting around meowing because Ollie doesn’t have a standard cat voice? If you don’t understand animals “talking” to humans you will run around thinking this is a fraud all day long. Animals speak, Teddy is speaking as he enjoys a treat. Let him alone, he isn’t bother you or anyone else, and he is not being hurt or abused. Focus more on the real issues of animal abuse (Fur industry anyone?? )and use your energy to stopping the harming of animals world-wide.

  6. Wow. A blog post by a really bored curmudgeon. Get some light therapy or a Prozac Rx.

  7. hey, doofus….you are sharing off of facebook….I guess you hate yourself?

  8. You, Damien, are the hoax.

    Teddy is the real deal.

    And, yes. They do cross-over when talking. Listen up again…..mmmhmmmm.

  9. I have to think you didn’t look too hard to see if he has been anywhere other than the internet… http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/mixmaster/2013/11/teddy_bear_the_talking_porcupi.php

  10. Teddy HAS appeared on national tv. I believe it was one of the morning news shows. And he’s been on several local tv broadcasts. Why not ask them. I don’t believe there are people out there like you that still have to be skeptical of so much. Why not enjoy life? Whether you live in your moms basement or not, find some joy and stop trying to take others away.

  11. Actually, Teddy has been on local TV and National. He also visits school groups. Stop being such and evil hater troll!

  12. Teddy is the star at many of Zoouniversity’s appearances. We have heard him “talk” in person! Believe what you want, but he’s the real deal.

  13. Clearly you have not been to their website
    http://www.zooniversity.org/

    Teddy has been on local and national television including Good morning America this is not like some pet this is an animal you can go visit yourself.

  14. Hi, just wanted to say that Teddy is the real deal! I’ve seen him in person. He travels around with his “mom” in their animal education program–“Zooniversity”. These presentations help raise money for their animal sanctuary and we have them come to our library every summer! He does indeed talk–or at least sound like he’s talking! I’ve seen it and heard it with my own ears. Hopefully that resolves any questions or issues you seem to have with him…

  15. I think an apology is in order to Zooniversity and the people who care for Teddy.

  16. Teddy is not a fake..He does talk and communicate and his mom is not doing any audio to sound like he is talking.If you can read which I think is doubtful.Porcupines talk to each other in the same manner,Maybe not as vocal like he is w/ his human mom.But it is him talking so why don’t you find something better to do then say stupid crap you have no clue about

  17. I will have you know that Teddy was on our local news LIVE on myFoxnews. Mom wasn’t doing the talking for him.

    You can go pay him a visit. He lives in Dallas. Here is the link to the live broadcast.

    http://www.myfoxdfw.com/video?clipId=9533037&autostart=true

  18. You are a fucking idiot. You know absolutely nothing about animals. It’s nice that you have a website dedicated to your own idiotic stupidity.

  19. This one is real. The porcupine was raised since infancy and is just more vocal than most. You can look at other non-celebrity porcupines on you tube and hear similar, just not as vocal, noises from other porcupines. Teddy has been around for over 2 years. In that time he has made many public appearances, if he was a fraud it would have surfaced well before now. As for what he “says” people hear what they wish, in the language they wish. The more he vocalizes, the more treats he gets. Easy to see why he will increase his sounds. Here is your truth: If he brings you joy, then watch him. If he doesn’t, then don’t. It is simple as that.

  20. Actually MmmHmmm – if you watch the video Teddy Bear the Porcupine finds a Christmas treat, you will clearly hear Teddy’s mom talking AT THE SAME TIME as Teddy. Before you people open your mouth maybe you should make sure what you’re saying is actually TRUE. This is not a hoax.

  21. I feel you are wrong about Teddy. The videos give attention to animals in need. Where is the harm when you have videos of Miley Cyrus and the Kardashians being forced on us. You your efforts to better use and go after all the stories that the main stream media hides from the public.

  22. Dear Damien, dear, dear, Damien.
    I wouldn’t dream of insulting your parents by saying you live in their basement. I have more faith in them than that. Seriously…oh, I was serious.

    Personally I don’t put much store in ‘truth seeking’ when truth is subjective and often based on unsubstantiated ‘feelings’. Certainly if you believe these videos or that the motive behind Teddy Bear are nefarious it shouldn’t be so hard to have the videos analyzed by a reputable analyst, now would it? But I have to wonder about your motives?

    Certainly if it’s to prove that stupidity exists on the Internet…well…just signing on is proof enough, don’t you think? Just the fact the the average IQ is 100 say it all. Just the fact that you claim to be the most famous blogger in Belgium…the list is endless.

    I had to stop and read a few headlines from your facebook page. Dude. Really? Twilight? You’re really a fine example of human stupidity and the modern day phenomena of whoring for media attention. Now I would like the time back that I foolish bothered to spend on your inane observations. May you shuffle off to oblivion where you belong.

  23. In response to Mmmhmmm “You mentioned looking for clues, and here’s what I noticed from this and other Teddy Bear videos. “MOM” is never “talking” at the same time as Teddy.” Wrong. Here she is talking at the same time, http://youtu.be/4K8sZfx6LQk A little easy searching found this one. Case closed.

  24. I did a little searching and Teddy lives on campus and does shows with a non profit called Zooniversity (www.zooniversity.org). So I assume there are quite a few people who come in contact with Teddy and if his vocalizations were a hoax, it seems like someone who’s had direct contact would have said something by now. Also, I hope it’s real because I did get suckered into watching the videos and I think he’s cute (yes, I know, I need to get a life) I even liked his Facebook page, which is why I came to your blog in the first place. Teddy’s Facebook page had a link to your blog, I guess they were pretty pissed about your write up on Teddy. So I clicked on your link and ended up reading a bunch of your articles-I love your website!!

  25. Mon Dieu! So many angry and prickly readers — but Aubrey is the only one who commented properly. She made her point without sounding like a spoilt child. The rest of you need to take courses in reading comprehension.

    Thank you, Aubrey.

    Damien LeGallienne.

  26. Thank you, Kendall, for your intelligent and anger-free comment.

    Damien LeGallienne

  27. 2,444,000 stupid and not so stupid have read my blog so far this year, Margie. Can you do that? Of course you can’t. You OBVIOUSLY didn’t read the “story” — you dimwit!

    Damien LeGallienne

  28. Ladies and Gentleman and Simpletons.

    I don’t understand the anger and hostility — not one bit. Don’t any of you see the humor in this piece? Do you not see the silliness of it? I know, I know, I know…you will say that it’s not funny and that if Damien thinks he’s funny, he better not quit his day job, but think about it. It’s just a cute story, and thanks to this chatty porcupine, the purpose of my blog has again been validated. So many people are stupid and dumb — many of them proved it right here with incredibly stupid and dumb comments. Thank you all so much for taking center stage and making me look like a genius.

    Damien LeGallienne
    Damien Direct Mail -DDM@Thedamienzone.com

  29. Awesome job! You got the comments that you were wanting all along

  30. OP is butt-hurt.

  31. Damien
    Not only are you an IDIOT you are also a JOY SUCKER!
    TEDDY IS NOT A FAKE THOSE ARE SOUNDS OF HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY
    FORIEGN TO YOU! BECAUSE SOMEONE IS SPEAKING A LANGUAGE
    YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND DOES NOT MEAN THAT LANGUAGE IS FAKE! IT MEANS YOU ARE IGNORANT!

  32. Misha — In spite of being the “Joy Sucker” that I am, I was overjoyed to get your joyous comment. It filled me with a joy I have never known. Mostly, I enjoy the fact that you have poor reading comprehension. I am especially overjoyed because you have fulfilled the mission of my blog — to expose stupidity and dumbness. Please learn to read, you joyous moron.

    Wishing you joy in these troubled times
    Damien

  33. What puzzles me, is why a person who purports to hate all ‘this is so cute you have to watch it’ videos spends an inordinate amount of time writing about them. The idea behind sharing Teddy videos, I think is to get more money donated to the Dallas Zoo. What’s your reason for bothering to comment on things you abhor? Just sayin’

  34. Here’s Kemosabe, another talking porcupine, and he talks while his mom is talking. So here ya go.

  35. Freada, you just don’t get it.

    Damien LeGallienne

  36. Rodents squeak and chatter (and sometimes even bark, as squirrels and chipmunks do). A porcupine is a rodent. I’m not sure what’s so difficult here.

    Also, you need to lighten way the hell up.

  37. Yeah Right! I need to lighten up! Yeah Right! You need to get a fucking sense of humor. How about that?

  38. I totally thought this was funny and people need to relax a bit. Teddy bear would appreciate this type of humor ?

  39. “… truth is more important than anything. Without truth you don’t have truth and without truth you don’t have truth.”

    ^^^ TRUE DAT!^^^^

  40. Damien Damien LeGallienne is a miserable jerk who knows diddly squat but likes to bully anyone who uses Facebook. GFY Damien, you egotistical piece of doo-doo!

  41. Do you know why I come off as egotistical? It’s because I am smarter and better looking than you.

  42. So you sir are an idiot. Teddy is 100% real. There is another Porcupine that goes by the named Kimosabe who is used for educational purposes at a rescue http://youtu.be/NMeuwYvlBI0 and guess what same noises. Maybe do some research. How about go to your local zoo while they are feeding the Porcupines and have yourself a listen. It is 100% real noises coming from Teddy.

  43. The dumbass is you. If you read the story, dickturd, you will see that this is a light-hearted poke at Facebook crazes. You only skimmed and saw the words you didn’t like — because YOU are a dumbass. But that’s okay because the purpose of this blog is to expose human stupidity and dumbness, and you have fulfilled that mission statement brilliantly. Now — don’t you feel like a moron? Would you like me to delete your comment so that all of your friends and neighbours in Ontario don’t see this? Oh wait — you gave a fake email and a fake name because you are a moron, a dumbass and a coward.

  44. This post gives skepticism a terrible name. Perhaps you could spend about 5 minutes and do a little research before trying to debunk something so you don’t lose all your credibility, which you have done here. Even if this animal did not make live appearances, it is just a matter of looking up the species behaviours to find that they are highly vocal creatures. Your “proof” is pathetic.

  45. I think the person who said ” the truth is subjective”said it all. lol.
    Did I quote that correctly? I skimmed the comments but read the article and it was spot on and hilarious.
    I love a good pun, too.
    Good job of trolling the shitheads who believe everything that comes down the pike. Me? I question everything…and I mean everything.
    The animal is cute and I have not found evidence for whether it’s fake or not but my first reaction was “oh how cute but FAKE”
    That’s my instinct and I’m usually right.

  46. For the stupid….truth by definition cannot be subjective. Truth just is. Mk?

  47. What would a dumb comment be without the word “pathetic?” Thank you. Juniper, for proving the mission of this blog. The story was supposed to be snarky, but your comment was where we got the stupidity and dumbness we so eagerly seek.

  48. wondering if it was a fake, too- led me to you-
    I actually read your blog in entirety and it was very FUNNY- anyone annoyed with you is obviously too dumb to understand that you were being funny & not mean!
    And in fact, to realise that there is nothing mean about trying to find the truth… Could not believe all the negative feedback- what a crack up!

  49. Thank you, Lisa. You are a very intelligent person. Most of this seems to go over everyone’s head, but then again, the mission of this blog is to expose human stupidity. More often than not, the comments prove that point far more effectively than the actual blog entries.

    Fondly – Damien LeGallienne

  50. It’s pretty simple to fact check from your computer in your basement. Google “porcupine vocalization” and you’ll see plenty of other videos of wild porcupines with similar vocalizations.

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