Justin Bieber is in big trouble in Germany, and if he doesn’t settle up with the angry Customs folks over in Deutschland, he’s going to face heavy fines and probably jail time for animal neglect and smuggling contraband across the border into Germany. So far, the untalented little douche bag hasn’t owned up — and he’s going to be really sorry if he doesn’t do something real quick.
Seems that the wanna-be-tough little no-talent with the spaghetti biceps and the sunken pec-less chest was toting around a little pet monkey when he went on a European tour last year. The monkey — a little capuchin monkey named Mally which Justin claims is is pet — was confiscated by border guards.
Poor monkey can’t be too loved by Bieber because it’s been months and months and months and still Bieber has done nothing to try and get the monkey back and pay the bill for its care. So far the German Government has paid nearly $2,000 caring for the monkey — but the little prick Bieber is nowhere to be found. Why?
“The truth is that Bieber by virtue of his attitude towards Mally’s captivity, doesn’t give a shit about the monkey,” said a source close to The Damien Zone.
“The poor little thing is just a prop in this little scum-bag’s imaginary world. What’s up with weird people and their monkeys. You don’t carry around monkeys like they’re stuffed animals. Most monkeys require a lot of care, and taking a capuchin monkey on a tour is not exactly good for the monkey. This kid is a complete asshole and he has no clue about anything with this monkey. The pitiful creature is an ornament and if it has indeed bonded with Bieber, it’s now probably very desolate and lonely living in an animal shelter. No animal should be treated like that, but monkeys are highly intelligent creatures and the lonliness of a shelter might weigh more heavily on their minds than it would for a dog or cat — and there’s no frigging excuse for that either.
“Even if Bieber didn’t give two shits about the monkey, the monkey might have gotten attached this little birdbrain fuktard — now what’s gonna happen?”
It is the opinion of The Damien Zone that Justin Bieber is an untalented little shit. He is a low-life, pencil-dicked little punk soon-to-be beyotch who used a monkey as a prop and now the forlorn monkey is sweating it out in a German animal shelter.
If Bieber cared about his beloved Mally, wouldn’t he have settled this issue within days? If someone took your beloved dog away from you at a border crossing, wouldn’t you do whatever you have to do to get the dog back? Of course you would — unless you’re a spoiled little empty-headed dirt bag who doesn’t give a shit about anything but yourself and your image as a twerp who hangs with rappers who probably want to punch you in the face — what a fucking loser!
Government spokesman Franz Boehmer said that Bieber better pony up on his end of the situation. That means paying the fines — paying for the upkeep of the monkey — proving that he knows how to care for a money — and following the proper protocol to get the monkey back. Will he do it? Well if he doesn’t do it, the next time he goes to Germany, he will end up in jail with skinheads — maybe he’ll like that. You never know –well actually we do know but that’s not the point.
The point is — TAKE CARE OF YOUR FUCKING MONKEY, JUSTIN BIEBER — YOU LITTLE RAT BASTARD !!!! And don’t try any fancy-fake goodwill shit like visiting the Holocaust sites in Germany. Get your monkey and THEN pretend you care about the atrocities of mankind — because you’re one of them.
It’s very sad that the people of Europe are as infatuated with this no-talent as are the people in North America. It’s pitiful. Thankfully — and there is a shining light here — JUSTIN BIEBER IS NOT AN AMERICAN!!! How fucking awesome is that?
