It was announced today in Manhattan Federal Court that famous sportscaster Marv Albert has filed a petition with the court wherein he proves that he is the real father of Karate Kid actor Ralph Macchio.
“I stood back long enough and watched my son grow up to be a famous man and when I was down I would have done anything to have him around,” said Albert from his chair at Flavio’s Micro Derma Blend Hair Restoration and Weave Center in lower Manhattan.
“It’s getting to the point now where Ralph is looking so much like me that there is no denying the parentage. I’m worried that if he doesn’t accept me know and listen to my sage advice he will end up in a hotel room with a vicious hooker who will try to tear off his wig and say he sexually abused her and bit her. I want to make sure that his wig is well-attached so that if he should get involved with anything kinky, he will not lose his wig and be fodder for the tabloids. If the wig stays on, a guy can pretty much get away with anything.”
Albert is trying to prove through his lawyer Stanley Myron Handelman, that he is indeed Ralph Macchio’s father and thet recent pictures will prove that the two are one and the same.
“They look alike, they talk alike and they both have that same oily area on the right rear of their heads where the glue will not hold and the hairpiece kind of flaps up just a little,” said Handelman, “You don’t need a DNA test when you have evidence like that.”
Macchio would not comment on this latest development but when asked who is real father was, he did pat down the right rear of his head where his hair was slightly askew. It was like Carol Burnett tugging on her earring — we cried.
A judge will hear this case in July.
