“The producers went through a lot of trouble to get where they are now and they didn’t expect all of this Charlie Sheen notoriety to snowball so rapidly, but it seems to have grown its own legs. Charlie is fine, the show is fine and the show will go back on in a few weeks. Charlie doesn’t even smoke cigarettes let alone does he do drugs. This has been one huge publicity stunt and it worked beyond anyone’s imagination.”
According to insiders planted on the set of Two And A Half Men by TheDamienZone, Charlie Sheen is really a very quiet guy who likes to make model airplanes and stuff like that. His image as an enfant terrible is just the workings of the studio people. They paint Charlie as a guy who sits around the set and tries to learn about the cameras and between shots he goes out into the parking lot and changes the oil in the cars that belong to crew members.
It’s also been found out that Charlie had to be forced to stand in a box while crew members blew marijuana smoke on him so that his clothes would smell like reefer. After he stunk of weed the crew would take him out to Hollywood nightspots and have him move his clothes a lot so that others could smell him.
“When I first met him I thought he was a big druggie,” said wanna-be starlet Dina Jurtio, 22, of West Hollywood.
“I figured he was a druggie like me and that he just wanted to get laid, but when I got to his house he just wanted to have Sunny D with triscuits and he wante me to help him with a model airplane he was building. I sniffed the glue he was using and he looked at me like I was crazy. He said, ‘Why would anybody want to sniff glue fumes’ so i had to get outta there and find a big star to screw that night. What a loser!”
Charlie was supposed to be holed up in some rehab places but when each place was contacted, they said that they never heard of Charlie Sheem. They said taht they had heard of Martin Sheen because they really liked that old mini-series The Missles of October. In that film Martin Sheen played President Kennedy.
According to our sources, the show will back on the air in a few weeks and Charlie will make some huge public apology that the guys from another show wrote for him. He is rehearsing the speech now and it will be aired live and that will get huge publicity. The first show after Charlie’s return will be written by the finest writers in Hollywood and the plot will paralell the real-life goings on.
“We got Harry Goldberg, Larry Goldstein, Marvin Kaplan, Sidney Grossman and Sylvia Gluckstein working on the script,” said insider Lenny Brillstien.
“This script had to be perfect and these writers wrote for shows like “Gilligan’s Island,” “Small Wonder,” and countless other classic sitcoms. The writers are including real quotes from Charlie Sheen that will be spoken by his character.
- “I have a disease? Bullshit! I cured it … with my mind.”
- “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy! But I dare anyone to debate me on things.”
- “Chuck Lorre is a turd. I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his un-evolved mind cannot process.”
- “News-flash, I am special and I will never be one of you.”
- Charlie Sheen blasted 12-step programs, calling them “bootleg cults” with a success rate of 5 percent, noting that his sobriety success rate was 100 percent.
Look for Charlie Sheen to return soon and look for teh show to get a 70 share!