Jersey Shore star Snooki will attend this year’s Super Bowl in grand style. She will be coming with a bit of a pretigious entourage.
“I am going to take a private jet from Miami to the game with my parents and Keanu Reeves and Steven Tyler and some girl named Celeste Holm,” said the poofy Guido- loving imp.
“I met Keanu once at a bar but I never met Celeste Holm. I hope she is close to my age and that she likes to hook up with Guidos. I heard she is a big movie star over in like Europe or something. I am going to get her so totally wasted. I can’t wait.
“I couldn’t believe that I wound up booking the same private jet as Keanu had lined up and he is like so nice. It’s too bad that he’s too old for me because I would like to hook up with a movie star. The last movie star I hooked up with on a plane was Randy Quaid but that was when I was running away from the CIA and I was all messed up. He wasn’t cute and he is kind of bulky and smelly and he grunts when he rolls over and he farts like really bad.
“I would like to hook up with Ralph Maccio because he is the Karate Kid – but he’s like 50 or something, but even if he is that old he still will look younger than The Situation because he really looks like shit. But then I was hearing some girls saying that Mike is really like 50 for real and that he has a granddaughter named Nicole. That is so fucked up.”
Snookie will be signing autographs in during the half-time show and she will also sing a duet with Steven Tyler.
“We are going to sing the Ave Maria, because, Oh my god, that is such a pretty song and Steve is cool even though he is old and looks like something from those submarines that goes like really deep and the fish are all creepy and shit.”
Snooki will be sitting in a booth with Keanu Reeves, Steven Tyler, Celeste Holm, Lenny Kravitz and Newark, NJ mayor, Cory Booker.