There’s this huge thing about this unfortunate young guy killing himself in the grandest of internet fashion, but something about the whole thing doesn’t add up.
He left a really long suicide note on Facebook — at least he wasn’t playing to an empty house — but who did all these terrible things to him? I mean, if you’re gonna write something that long and that public, why not name names? Also, why did he use the British spelling of words?
There are comments about racism and bigotry, but that’s not why he killed himself. Those are things he addressed in general in his long and winding final testament.
So he didn’t like his parents and their religion — he should have got in line. He refused to identify who molested him because the person was dead. Hey, I am no psychologist, but there is something that doesn’t ring true about any of this. It’s terrible when people kill themselves — especially young people — but it’s also terrible to be maudlin and give the dead person the benefit of the doubt.
I don’t know. I feel bad for him, but the whole thing is a little weird to me. Where were all these student services at Princeton who are lending support when this guy needed support? Why didn’t he ever say anything to anybody until he was ready to spread his death over the internet? Something happened THAT NIGHT! Something he could not face.
If you want to read the suicide note click here https://thedamienzone.com/2011/01/06/bill-zellers-entire-suicide-note/ and draw your own conclusions. I would love to get responses and I will not discard dissenting opinions.
Weird indeed. The version you posted does have British spelling (behaviour vs. behavior, realise(d) vs. realise(d), mum vs. mom, and even autumn vs. fall), so I went looking for uses of British spelling on his website, from.bz . He spells behaviour “behavior” on the paper he’s first author on, maybe that was a spellchecker correction. That doesn’t completely explain things though because he misspells contaminated “contimated” in a couple of places and compatibility “compatability”, as well as molester “molestor” and disrespect “disrepect”. But then I found there was a plaintext version of his note on his website: http://documents.from.bz/note.txt It also appears that most other news outlets are reporting a version with US spelling: http://www.centraljersey.com/articles/2011/01/11/topstory/doc4d2babf87af89657012960.txt You can compare the counts of ‘bill zeller “i’ve realised I will never escape”‘ (9 results) and ‘bill zeller “i’ve realized I will never escape”‘ (311 results).
I did an e-diff of the two versions and the only things changed are (1) US -> British spellings; (2) quotes -> smart quotes; and in a few cases (3) spaces -> non-breaking spaces. Especially because of (2) and (3) it seems that the most likely scenario is that some editor took the original version and formatted the note for display. Whoever did that however also removed the note on the end including the text, “Feel free to republish this letter, but only if it is reproduced in its entirety”. If it was an editor, that’s pretty stupid if you ask me.
Since there are only 9 results on the Web for the British spelling, it should be pretty easy to track down how this happened. Somebody really should do it. Because despite the simplest solution of what happened, it *is* fishy. I scanned back through Bill’s entire twitter feed and there was no hint of depression or anything he was struggling with. He sounded like a really upbeat guy. Normally internal hells spill over past one’s facade on the odd occasion.
Would that I…no wait….were that I would…no hold on a sec….I wish that all my readers would respond like this — or just repond. Thank you, LH.
Damien
I have an educated opinion on what might have happened to him. This looks, from preliminary investigation based just on the events, that this is a case of evil in its destructive manifestation. Demonic possession is not the case here. Its more like ‘demonic opression’. This darkness he describes could be metaphorically taken as the expression of his perspective of the life he is ‘enduring’. But on most accounts it seems this is an evil presence that haunted him till now. I’ve been interested in counter-religious topics for quite some time now, and I think this is a very striking case of how relevant evil is in this age, this decade, as ever. If a techie like Bill, in Princeton can have this issue, its more like technological sophistication and rest of mankind does not really matter at all in terms of retaliation to evil. Or the obsolesence of it.
As they say, the greatest trick the Devil pulled off is telling the world he does not exist. For a more opinionated and studied viewpoint to a laymans perpective, you could read-Hostage to the Devil-Maclachi Martin and The Dark Sacrament-David Keily; and People of the Lie by Scott Peck. All best sellers and known by many.
This is more relevant than it seems. Most such cases ensue at ayoung age, when the victim is the most vulnerable. If the soul is resistant or strong-it may repel and overcome such spiritual attacks. But again it still a mystery as to what criteria is required for such unfortunate spiritual victims. It could be that his soul is indeed pure but his sin was in the suicide, as he gave up. It is exactly what evil wants-He/It wants you to give up on your own volition, make you hunger for death. That is his ultimate goal. Not make even death easy for you, and break you to do it.
These are telltale signs of genuine evil at work.
They manifest as opressive emotions, thoughts, or even solitary visions of ‘dark matter of some sort’ felt within and without.
I personally wished he had more guidance. So just being smart is not enough to tackle this force. Young people like us need more and more spiritual guidance to survive the pitfalls of these fast and furious times. I am young, sophisticated and priviledged in many ways than most(yup I am proud :)). I thank that all to Jesus. “Do not bring us to temptation-and deliver us from evil” are the two most potent lines to say in Lord’s prayer. Help us to be strong in times of potentially succumbing weaknesses and save us from the evil in this world and beyond.
I pray for Bills soul for his unfortunate life, yet I feel Jesus will guide him through the torments and save him. He has plans for him, just like all of us. But fight to the end and never give up the real things, do release the worthless things.
Nuff said.
What ?
Researching code, man..love your site. Keep it up.
as someone who knew this guy personally, I’m going to skip past your assumptions about his life and friends and simply correct one fact:
You mention that he “…refused to identify who molested him because the person was dead.” That is actually a mis-read of his statement (I did the same thing, at first). What he actually says in that line is “no one would take the word of a dead man.” Meaning, even if he named names, he’d be dead and there would be nobody else to substantiate the claim. So, this person could still be alive (and those that know him have some idea who it is/was).
Finally, as someone who had that note emailed to me before his death, the original version had US spelling, not British.
Gohtamczar — thank you for reading and commenting. Nothing makes a blogger happier than getting comments.
i was abused and raped as a child so i kinda get his point if view. When your in pain and reliving those memories constantly you never see the light. All you can think about is how you can overcome this, If you can.
so dont go saying stuff about him. I know where hes coming from
When I showed my wife Bill Zeller’s suicide note, she said ‘it is as if you wrote it yourself’.
As someone who has experienced what Bill Zeller describes, I can tell from inside his suicide note feels true to me.
What it means to you, DDM, I don’t know.
Speculation is so easy.