Miley Cyrus has joined forces with Blistex Corporation and together the two have declared war on ugly, crusty fever blisters.
In an earlier report, TheDamienZone.com reported on how Miley acquired a nasty cold sore from taking a hit off a bong in her latest video, but now the teen idol is seeking revenge on the nasty cold sore virus.
Miley and Blistex are now filming a series of ads that will coincide with the new Blistex line of condoms and lubricants. According to sources Miley Cyrus will be paid $4 million for one year or three commercials — or until she gets a cold sore. If she gets a cold sore, they will have a three-week reality show starring Miley and her cold sore. and John Stamos.
“Miley is not advocating against pot smoking and bongs,” said a Blistex source close to the trailer trash star. “She thinks that her tween fans should think that pot and stuff like that are cool, but she wants her young fans to know that fever blisters suck and now she is going to make a video where she shows how you can put a condom over the mouth of a bong before you take a hit. Miley figures that young kids will not only get used to the taste of condoms, but they will not get crusty cold sores from bongs.”
Some people are not happy with this dual message.
“Miley Cyrus is only promoting bong use and she is trying to pretend that it’s okay to suck on condoms,” said Elvira Gelch of The Citizens Committee to Stop White Trash From Trying To Be Hip.
“Miley’s agenda is to make young people have cold sore free lips so that they can engage in pot smoking and sex. It is grotesque. Obviously Miley is not aware of how many lives have been saved when what could have been an unsafe sexual encounter resulting is serious disease was thwarted when one or both parties were sporting a huge cold sore.
“In other words,” continued Gelch, “cold sores are a great guard against STD’s because nobody wants to have sex with a guy or a girl with a fever blister. By advocating both bong and herpes protection, Miley is sending the wrong message.”
Miley was not available for comment but her bong has been sent to the CDC (Center for Disease Control) to see just how many people on that set of her video were infected with Herpes Simplex when thy put their lips on that bong.
“White trash people are very prone to cold sores,” said Dr. Ken Jukle of the University of Keasby’s New Jersey campus. “There is a gene in disadvantaged whites that seems to make the cold sore virus a more powerful enemy. We think it has something to do with cigarettes, beer, or macaroni salad — three staples the white trash diet.”
