“Today I had to defuse a few roadside bombs and then I had to go drill some glory holes over in the mess hall,” said Private John Bailey, the first soldier in US military history to receive a blatantly gay order from a superior.
“Of course this does not count the millions of times that a Sergeant has ordered a subordinate to suck his dick, but it was official so it will go down in history and I am proud to be a part of it. The only thing that bothers me is that kevlar makes me look fat but I gotta do what I gotta do, right, honey?”
Finally the USA has caught up with the rest of the civilized world and will no longer discriminate against a soldier because of his or her sexual orientation, but the gay soldiers will discriminate against the other gays who don’t have the best clothes or hang out at the most chic places — oh wait — that’s Logo’s The A-List New York!
“There aren’t a lot of cruisy areas in Baghdad,” continued Bailey as he took out and played his Lady Gaga CD. “Oh My God! I so love my Gaga but before this rule I had to play Metallica and Guns and Roses — ugh! Last night we cruised around and found some really hot Iraqi dudes and we partied all night until their uncle or somebody came home and cut off all their heads. It was totally gross. I had to shoot my way out of that joint. I felt like John Wayne — well not really.”