Doctors fear: “Jake Gyllenhaal looks old for 29. May have aging disease.”

“When I see a young man like Jake, and he starts to take on an older look.  I worry about possible genetic diseases,” said Dr. Vilhelm Thiess the director of the Ridge Clinic for Aging and Geriatric Diseases on Plum Island, Maine.

“He is aging in the face at a very rapid rate and hos bone structure is becoming ape-like.  This is not a good sign.  There is evidence that he has had a few moles removed from his face, but other than that there has been no trauma to cause this young guy to look more like a man in his forties than a man not yet thirty.”

Jake has been aging rapidly according to untrained eye too, and we here at TheDamienZone have noticed a stretching of his jaw and a wrinkling around his eyes and mouth.  Some of his fans offer their explanations.

“Ever since he lost his boyfriend on Brokeback Mountain he has started to look old,” said ardent fan Jon-Anthony Thimmons of  Sluice City, South Dakota.  “I mean, he really totally got hurt in his heart and that shows on the inside, ya know? But I still think he is fabulous in an older uncle kinda way.”

“I think he has that old man face that a lot of Norwegian Jews get when they pass 30,” said Minnie LaValla of Toms River, New Jersey.  I worked in a Norwegian Jewish nursing home and a lot of the patients looked like Jake and they were not even 40 yet.  It was sad.”

Doctors are worried that Jake Gyllenhaal might have an aggressive aging disease like the one that has ravaged football star Bret Farve.  Farve is already undergoing intensive treatments because it is feared that he will have the face and body of a 99 year old man within 2 years.  Jake seems to be worse because he has a strange look — an odd oldness –whereas Farve just looks old.

Treatments go way beyond moisturizers and face-lifts.  Gene therapy and stem cell therapy are essential and a lot of these treatments must be given in Europe because they are illegal in the USA.  

Gyllenhaal has been getting electric eel sperm injected into his kidneys and turkey gullet extract shots under his skin as Swiss doctors try to slow down the aging, but so far it looks like nothing is working. 

“If he continues at his current rate of aging and facial lengthening, we fear that Mr. Gylenhall will be dragging his chin on the ground by 2013 and that he will die of old age by 2016.  We are doing all we can but things are looking bad.

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