The “story” in this story has probably already been shared on your Facebook timeline. It’s probably being shared over and over again by every dumb and gullible Facebooker you know. It’s a fake and maudlin feel-good story that was invented for the likes of people who cheer wildly in movie theaters when the alien gets blown up or the criminal is killed by the hero. In other words, it’s the kind of story that bird-brained and simpleminded people on your Facebook like to share.
This time the story is about a guy named Tyrone who tries to steal a laptop from a store and is confronted at the exit by the store manager. Tyrone knocks down the store manager and bolts from the store. But instead of making a clean getaway, Tyrone runs into a bunch of cracker jack U.S. Marines who just happen to be headed into the store and have witnessed the mix-up with Tyrone and the store manager.
Keep in mind that this is only the beginning of the story but anyone who hasn’t already figured out that it’s a fake story will never figure out that it’s a fake story — but for shits and giggle, here’s how the rest of it goes.
The laptop thief is nabbed by the Unites States Marines, but he somehow manages to stab one of the Marines in the back. The wound is not serious, but when then police arrive to on the scene, the injured Marine is taken to the hospital for precautionary measures and the would be laptop thief has to be taken away to an ICU with countless injuries. He has ten broken ribs, a fractured jaw, ten missing teeth, two broken arms, and a broken leg and a severe concussion.
Okay ,now here is the fakest part — the part where all the retards stand and cheer and whoop it up like chimps having a fight in the jungle. The “reporter” asks one of the Marines how the thief got so badly injured, and they reply that he fell off the curb. How stupid is that? Obviously the story is meant to imply that the Marines beat the crap out of the guy — and he would have deserved if if he had indeed robbed a store, injured the store manager and stabbed a Marine — but it NEVER HAPPENED!
So what is the truth? The truth is that this is a fake story. It’s as fake as the same story that was spread around years in 1910 in the Australian world of urban Facebook legends and then again in 2011 on Facebook pages in the United Kingdom and Belgium in 2012.
Finally, the story has new legs in 2013. Supposedly this all happened in Georgia, but it is spreading throughout the United States and fake newspaper clipping photos tell of it happening in at least a dozen US cities.
It appears on your Facebook page as a “share” that somebody else shared with somebody else who then shared it with somebody else until it reached your Facebook. Each person involved in this network of sharing is a moron or an idiot. It has already been proven by Finnish psychiatrist Dr. Tootsie Sherwood MD, that people on Facebook who share these kinds of stories have some kind of mental deficit.
“I will again support the results of my research and again. This case where a few United States Marines cause great bodily harm on a thief who stabs one of their own, is not true, but it’s not a hoax per se,” said Dr. Tootsie Sherwood.
“It’s a form of simple-minded way that unintelligent people use as a way to create heroes and to enjoy childlike stories where good triumphs over evil. Many people who use Facebook for stories of inspiration or excitement, and I have stated this before, are almost always in the 66-88 IQ area. They function well in society on many levels, but they get true enjoyment from stories and tales that your average 6 or 7-year old believes and enjoys. In the case of the fake laptop thief story that’s going around, we are dealing with a kind of army man or G.I. Joe kind of pretend play.”
Dr. Tootsie Sherwood has devoted five years of study in this area and we here at TheDamienZone.com have helped to spread the word about Dr. Sherwood who works as a psychiatric research physician at the Saint Raymond Tote-Tundy Institute in Helsinki, Finland.
If you would like to know how this fake story started and how it keeps spreading around, the answer is easy.
The story comes from a scene in the 1970s Charles Bronson movie “DEATH WISH” where a hapless criminal winds up badly mangled when he messes with the wrong man. In the film, when one character is asked by police how the criminal got so badly mangled, the vigilante of justice replies, “Poor guy. He must have fell off a curb or something.”
So now you know. The story about the laptop thief and the Marine Corp guys who beat the daylights out of his, is fake. The names and nationalities have been changed so as to fit the countries through which it is spread. This month it’s the United States. Kindly note that anyone who SHARES this to your face book is profoundly unintelligent. Their stupidity will be even more severe if they accompany the share with a comment like, “This dude messed with the wrong people lol.” If you have a Facebook friend who shared this with you, don’t be mean or nasty about it. Be understanding and thoughtful because it’s a matter of intellectual incapacity and it’s always best to try to cajole people like that. You can’t tell them that they are “stupid” or “retarded” because if they ever faced the truth about themselves, it would deeply hurt them.