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Why Does Rachel Maddow Talk Out of One Side of Her Mouth?

Rachel Maddow Suffering From Rare Facial Nerve Palsy.

“Rachel Maddow might be called ‘The face of MSNBC’ but that face is crooked and the effects of Miss Maddows neurological condition could be misleading her viewers.  it might even be destroying her own life and her dreams of happiness.” [Democrats leak pics of Rachel Maddow getting crooked mouth fixed in special hospital. <—at this link]

Rachel Maddow is finally getting treatment for a facial disorder that has plagued her since she was a teenager.  The sharp-tongued American anchor at MSNBC — an American cable talk, opinion and news station — has been hiding a rare disease called DYSTROPHIC BELLS ATROPHY.

Her side-of-mouth delivery and her smug head-bobs and eye-blinks, are not merely method-acting techniques or camera-pleasing quirks.  They’re far worse than that, and much more real than play acting.  Their a symptom of a very rare disease that she now hopes to conquer, but will her loyal viewers stick by her after doctors make the repairs that will change not only her appearance, but the way she delivers a line?

“Miss Maddow is suffering from a rare facial disorder called ‘Dystrophic Bell’s Atrophy’ or ‘Little Caesar Disease’ and at this point she is showing the cardinal symptom of talking out of only one side of her mouth,” said Dean Traherne MD, chief of Facial Neurology at The University of St. Sebastien’s DuPuis School of Medicine.

“There is no paralysis like one sees in Bell’s Palsy which is a similar disease, and there is only a slight eye-droop and lid-lag.  The side-mouth delivery of words with a slight blink or bobbing nod of the head, are especially pronounced in her case.”

Maddow exhibits the signs of a serious disease of her facial-cranial spinal nerves that has caused not only her mouth and eye to move off to one side while speaking, it has caused a calcification at the back and top of her skull and increased her head size quite noticeably.

What Rachel Maddow’s minions see as signs of a quick hipster wit, or a snide delivery that bespeaks of a keen and hip intellect, are merely happy accidents — part and parcel of a sad and tragic disease that has only recently been recognized as a true and debilitating affliction of the face and spinal chord.

According to Dr. Dean Traherne, a cranial nerve specialist in Nancy, France, says,  “In the past, people who suffered from this disease had to deal with the stigma of having what was once called, “Little Caesar Disease” owing to the fact that people who had this chronic condition often resembled the movie character of Little Caesar; a snarling and grimacing mobster who barked out murderous and menacing orders from one side of his mouth.”

The character of Little Caesar was made famous by the American actor, Edward G. Robinson.  Less frequently, the disease process was attributed to an actress of the same era named Marjorie Main who grimaced and scowled her way through nearly one hundred motion pictures.

People afflicted with Dystrophic Bell’s Atrophy, have had to live lives where  others always thought they were making wisecracks or snide comments when they spoke.  Nothing they say is easy on the ear or the eye.  Even a kind word comes out looking and sounding snide or sinister, and for those afflicted,  it often leads to behavioral disorders and social withdrawal.

“In most individuals, the affliction is life-changing in a bad way, but in Maddow’s case, the disease has actually enhanced her career as a liberal-hipster-lesbian news anchor.  Naturally this may attract her lesbian counterparts when viewed on TV, but in intimate, real life  situations, it leads to an inability to express sincere love, or words of love that sound and look sincere as far as one’s reading of body language is concerned.  Some of the sweetest and kindest people you would ever want to know have suffered terribly in social situations because of this disorder and deformity,” said Dr. Traherne.

“It doesn’t matter if the afflicted patient says something as simple as, ‘I love you’ because it comes out of one side of the person’s mouth looking insincere or snide. 

“In the past this was a lot more tragic than it is today because a snide delivery of words and phrases is now seen as acceptable, but back in the 1930s, and well into the 1990s, this Little Caesar affliction was a stumbling block for one so afflicted.  Only now do we see this as a stigmatizing disease with many psychological side effects that manifest over the years. 

“Men who suffered from it were thought to be sinister wiseguys or mobsters.  Women afflicted were viewed as unkind, manly,  rude, demanding, and even mentally ill.

“In many cases, a child growing up with this affliction often develops a personality that centers itself around the reactions of others to the disorder.  The patient begins to believe that others see them as ‘wiseguys’ or snide or sneaky, so the brain accommodates this social reaction by morphing the image of the outward self to fit what the patient believes others already think. 

“It’s not an accident or affectation that many mobsters or lesbians talk this way.  They started out as totally well-adjusted children but as the disease manifested into the teen years, the patient often changes to make his or her personality fit the physical manifestations.  It’s a simple case of, ‘If they think I’m a lesbian or a mobster, I might as well be one,’ but sadly, there is nothing really simple about this in any way.”

In Maddow’s case, the disease has helped her career but it has greatly hindered her ability to maintain or develop intimate relationships.

“Rachel might meet a fellow lesbian and there might be an attraction,” continued Dr. Traherne, “But there is a follow up to this where the new girlfriend might look lovingly into her eyes and say, ‘I love you,’ and when Miss Maddow returns the compliment in an Edward G. Robinson kind of way, the girlfriend gradually begins to wonder about the sincerity.  Eventually Miss Maddow’s delivery drones on as one seemingly insincere statement after another.  Subsequently, each new relationship quickly dissolves into mistrust and eventual nothingness. 

“In other words, lesbian women fall in love with the television version of Rachel Maddow — the hip and snide and snarky-mannish girl of their dreams — but they eventually realize that the TV version of Rachel Maddow is the real Rachel Maddow as well, and this gets tired very quickly.

“It’s really hard to say, but if we can straighten out Miss Maddow’s mouth, we might be able to straighten out her entire life.  We might even be able to cure her of her lesbianism —  if the lesbianism was indeed a side-effect of the affliction.  This isn’t a case of praying away the gay with neurosurgery, but it’s as close as one can get in some cases.”

Dr. Traherne is planning a series of nerve grafts and stem cell injections in and around the trigeminal nerve which serves Maddow’s mouth.

It should be mentioned here that Edward G. Robinson did not suffer from this disease, but he mercilessly mimicked the facial mannerisms typical of the disease so as to depict his character correctly — giving him the snide delivery that made Great Depression era movie-goers despise the bad guy.  It was great for box office sales but it’s not helping MSNBC’s ratings.

“If I am able to fix Rachel Maddow’s mouth, she might become likable to the eye,” said Dr. Traherne.

“She could very well emerge from my two months of of stem cell injections and mental health therapy as a very Conservative Christian woman who simply wants to get married to a nice guy and have a few babies.  It could happen.

“But all in all,  isn’t it better when you think about it?  As a doctor, I see this as pure science.  If I fix something and by fixing it I make it happy and capable of expressing love and affection without looking and sounding like Edward G. Robinson or Marjorie Main, won’t I have done some good? 

Exclusive for TheDamienZone.com by: Damien LeGallienne.

6 Comments
  1. you so crazy! she does talk out of one side of the mouth though. so do a lot of tv pundits. i seriously wonder why

  2. Caliwoman — she has a disease! Did you read the article?

  3. what a load of specious crap. ertstaz intellectual? DOCTOR Maddow is a Rhoades Scholar.

  4. It would help if you knew how to spell RHODES, you frigging moron. What does her intellect have to do with the fact that she has a terrible disease that mimics intellectualism as viewed by lesbians?

  5. This is complete bullshyt. Who makes this crap up but Reichwingers. smfh

  6. Weirdo site. This crazy thing you put up about Maddow is a lie and you know it. No doctor is “doctoring” Maddow. You should be sued for this, you idiots who want to be noticed. Jerks.

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