M.A.M.A.B. members have been very unhappy with Michael Phelps’ lack of a bulge in his Speedos and each time Phelp’s is in a swimming event they get together to watch and hope for signs of a bulge. [Courtesy of M.A.M.A.B. — Middle aged Men Admiring Bulges]
Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps looks like he is packing no meat in his unbulging Speedos and that unhung fact has older gay men (aunties) and horny women the world over moaning in sadness.
The women can deal with it because they usually wind up marrying the guy with the small package, but the old gay guys like the huge bulges best and they are letting their voices be heard.
“I know you get a little shrinkage in cold water,” said Chicago bowling shoe salesman Pauly Limbeaux, “but Phelps has no bulge even before he goes into the water. We are so sad about this. It takes all the fun out of the swimming events. If he doesn’t do something to prove that he gets a lot bigger than that little thimble when he is engorged or excited, we’ll look elsewhere.”
Pauly Limbeaux, 48, who lives with his elderly mother, is the head of MAMAB — Middle-Aged Men-Admiring-Bulges — (YES THIS IS REAL) and while he admits to loving the long lean body of Michael Phelps, Limbeaux and others at MAMAB are a little sad about the inability to fantasize about being ravaged by the young but unhappily unhung Olympian.
“I used to tell my mother that I loved swimming and diving and gymnastics best because I aspired to be one, but when she saw that I was just a big fat guy who liked to watch Bette Davis and Joan Crawford movies she assumed I was not going to be an Olympian. She thought I was going to go into the movie business. My mother is a simple woman and she would not understand any of this and that’s the way I think it should be.
“There are many men in my area who are just like me and when we watch the Olympics we only look for the bulges in men’s athletic gear. Wrestling is the best but you don’t get that nearly full-frontal look that you get from swimmers in Speedos. We live for the swimming and diving events and all we talk about is baskets and bulges and who has the biggest packages. They should give gold medals for bulges and when they do I swear that most of them will go to the Scandinavian guys. They have huge bulges. The black runners and sprinters have a lot of stuff bouncing around but it’s hard to focus on that. We like the in-your-face bulges and that’s why I formed M.A.M.A.B. from the big TV viewing room I made in the basement of my mother’s home. So far we have 35 members who spend all day looking at….guy’s members.”
M.A.M.A.B. members have been very unhappy with Michael Phelps’ lack of a bulge and each time Phelps is in a swimming event they get together to watch and hope for signs of a bulge.
“We adore Michael Phelps,” said Limbeaux as he munched a biscuit with guacamole with his friend Benjamin Switchy, 49, a physician and bulge fancier.
“We know that a large bulge is a detriment to swimmers because it slows them down and it really is sad because they have these long lean bodies that are so smooth and succulent, but yet they lack the bulge. A large phallus would slow down a swimmer enormously but we would rather have a swimmer with no medals and a big bulge than a great swimmer with no meat. It’s a double edged sword. I mean, you know some of these guys must be growers and not showers but Phelps looks like he might be six inches at the most and that is sad because such an object could not even get past the fat of our flabby butt cheeks.
Although MAMAB meetings take place in her house, Pauly’s mother doesn’t seem to get it and she is exhausted from feeding a bunch of fat hairy aging men.
“My son is a strange young man and so are all of his friends who congregate in front of the flat screen TV he put in my basement,” said his mother Millie Limbeaux, 84. They love to watch men’s wrestling and men’s swimming and men’s gymnastics and they only come up for a few minutes when GLEE is on. I love GLEE. The young men on that are so wholesome. If I had a daughter I would love for one of them to marry a young man from GLEE.”