CNN’s Anderson Cooper has come out of the closet — not that he was covered in moths or anything because he’s pretty much been out of the closet since his mother Gloria Vanderbilt was making designer jeans.
Anderson loved to help his mother design jeans and on his 18th birthday he got a gift from his mother — he got to have sex with Gloria Vanderbilt’s chief rival in the designer jeans business — Vidal Sassoon. When the young Anderson hooked up with the much older Sassoon he noted that Vidal suffered from premature ejaculation, and he was overhead shouting, “Oh La La So Soon!”
This was a great embarassment for Sassoon but he manged to live until a few months ago so good for him.
Anyway, now that Anderson is out of the closet for real, will Shepard Smith from FOX NEWS be far behind? The rumor mill has been saying that Shepard Smith is gay for a long time.
“Honey, that Shepard guy is the biggest queen on TV,” said L’Shonda Totter, a drag star who plays the night spots in New York City.
“She ( Shepard Smith) loves to sit around them old pianos with all them old biddies and they all sing them show tunes and shit. Girl, if he ain’t gay, I am not a big angry black drag queen — and all you gotta do is mess with me to find out I ain’t lying to y’all”
L’Shonda has been performing for years as a drag queen and she knows who goes where, when, why, and how in the news business. She’s seen them all and she likes to talk.
“Honey, you know that Walter Cronkite liked the trannys but he didn’t have sex with them because he had a limp dick ever since President Kennedy got shot, which by the way is the exact day I was borned– now ain’t that sumthin’? And that Huntley and Brinkley thing that they used to do back in the day? Honey, those two were two big old bottoms who like they’s Puerto Ricans.
“All them news guys be gay — even Wolf Blitzer likes to get down on all fours once in a while and play the she-wolf — uh huh. You see, something happens to these news people — something goes wrong in they heads and they get all into mens — mens with mucles and mens who loook like ladies — all kinds of crazy ass shit. Baby, I had sex with Edward R. Murrow when I was only nineteen and he was about eighty or something. He left twenty dollars on my bed and said, ‘good night and good luck’ now I see that George Clooney played him in a movie. Now that’s what you call a funky ass coincidence if ya know what I’m saying.”
So L’Shonda likes to kiss and tell, but in the end are the rumors about Shep Smith true? Will he come out of the closet like Anderson Cooper? Only time will tell because it’s got to be tough for poor old Shep if he’s a gay man living in New York with all the liberal gays and he’s out there trying to get some and he’s from FOX NEWS because the gays don’t like FOX NEWS because that’s what other gays teach them.