Rupert Murdock may have had a change of mind and now he is in feverish negotiations with controversial radio host Michael Savage. Savage is already way better than anybody on Fox but the word on the streets is that The big guys at Fox News think that Michael Savage might be too hot to handle. He already hates Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly — and he even calls Greta Van Susteren “Scarface” so there would be a lot of obstacles to overcome if Savage were to take over Beck’s job.
“I have been in talks with Mr. Savage,” said Rupert Murdock from a restaurant he owns on the upper west side of Manhattan where Sean Hannity and Bill O’reilly work for two hours each day as bus boys and bar-backs so that they too don’t get fired like Beck.
“Savage is a tough nut to crack. He’s Jewish so you know that he’s already more shrewd than O’Reilly and Hannity. Jews are shrewed but I am able to keep those two shanty Irish guys on the payroll because I am English and I hate the Irish and they fear me. Savage doesn’t fear me. He doesn’t fear anyone. You know, I think I might hate the Irish almost as much as O’Reilly hates the Italians. If he keeps praising the Kennedy’s and pumping up RFK’s alleged roll in hurting the mob I might get his knee caps broken by some guys I know over in Sicily. O’Reilly is really an idiot but he gets me rating and money so I keep him on, but every night at 9:30 he has to punch the clock at my restaurant and clean up or he’s out…O.U.T…out!
“Anyway, like I was saying, I am in negotiations with Savage and his demands are a little tough. He wants a lot of money — perhaps close to a billion dollars for 10 years. He wants Fox News to change its name to The Michael Savage Network — but just for that hour. He also wants his dog Teddy to have his own dressing room and he wants to have his own studio so that he never has to see O’Reilly or Hannity or VanSusteren. I can afford to pay him whatever he wants but I’m not going to let him run amuck with my money. ”
Already, angry mobs are storming the sidewalk outside the Fox News Building in Manhattan. AIDS activists hate Savage. Hollywood hates Savage. Even Jewish groups hate Savage who is himself Jewish. The mob has grown to tens of thousands who will go insane if Savage gets the Glenn Beck job. Savage already worked for MSNBC but they fired him when he told off some nasty queen who called in to rant about gay rights. After dicking around with the schedule for a while MSNBC got Keith Olbermann — we all know where that went. There are rumors that Olbermann was the queen on the phone who caused the whole thing. Who knows?
“I would like a kinder and gentler Michael Savage to take over the 5pm spot,” continued Murdock as Sean Hannity’s grandmother mopped the floor around the mogul. “In reality I would take him as-is but then all these left wing psychotics would drive me crazy and who the hell needs that at my age?”