Kimberly Guilfoyle Has A Gorilla-Son Who Is Truly An Anomaly.

by: David D. Mattia  <— click on my name — READ ABOUT ME — I need the exposure .  

Former Fox News chick, Kimberly Guilfoyle, has announce publicly that she has a son no one knows about, but now she feels that she has kept the secret for too long.   Her son, a semi-marginally talented rap singer and politically sophomoric chatterbox, has been living under a fake name because he is the product of breeding experiments that were conducted on Guilfoyle way back when she was married to Gavin Newsome who was, at the time, the Mayor of San Francisco.

“Guilfoyle’s son is a product of human-simian breeding experiments, said Dr. Raymond Tote-Tundy, a Microbiologist who specializes in Human Hybrid Science at UCLA. 

“Basically, we used Guilfoyle’s eggs and crossed them with gorilla sperm, then we planted the embryo into the uterus of a dope addict who lived in New Jersey.  Somehow, this poor trashy woman carried the fetus to full term even though she smoked four packs of Virginia Slims per day, smoked crack and meth, and lived in a town that is basically a toxic waste dump. 

“This was a miraculous first in the history of science and medicine.  Yes, we bred Kimberly Guilfoyle to an ape and it worked.  There !  I said it!  It was truly an anomaly.  The kid is now in his late 20s and looks a lot like his cute mother if she were bred to an ape — which is exactly what he is — but at the same time he is still a raging ape at heart, so we have to be careful because he is truly an anomaly.”  [Dr. Raymond Tote-Tundy MD PhD].

The Damien Zone caught up with Ms. Guilfoyle at a New York shopping center.

“My son, who is truly an anomaly,  even has his own YouTube channel and blabs on it for hours and hours several times a week, said Guilfoyle from the aisles of a Sally’s Beauty Supply store where she was filling her cart with jojoba oil and brushes.   He really doesn’t know what he is talking about most of the time,  but when he used sign language he was actually quite smart …just like that other ape who did the sign language thing.  I forget her name.  I think it was Kuki or something.  

“My son has my hair which is odd because my hair isn’t even my hair, but you never know with all this modern science.  I mean, anything can happen.   Anyway, he just wants to rap and to tell the world that he likes Jewish people and Muslim people and Christian people, and that he is chill with everything and it’s all cool.  Sometimes he goes ape-shit if someone disagrees with him in any way, but then again, we have to remember that while he is chill with everything, he is also half gorilla and they can get very nasty.  I want to be closer to my son, but he has millions and millions of followers on social media.  I can’t get a word in with him.  He is the most popular political rapper in history, and he knows all about history.  He reads Wikipedia all day and he knows a lot of things about Hitler and Stalin and Trump and Pelosi and Q-anon and everything.  There is nothing he doesn’t know and there is nothing he doesn’t have two completely different opinions about.  They say that it is not unusual for a human-ape hybrid to be touchy and duplicitous.  He is truly an anomaly.”