“Don’t be stupid, get off the barrier islands and let me handle this the best way I know how — don’t be stupid.” [New Jersey Governor Chris Christie]
In an act of selflessness and intestinal foritude, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is planning to pull down his pants on the beach in southern New Jersey, and emit a huge fart directly into the storm as it attempts to make landfall not very far from where Snooki and Mike The Situation once “smushed” drunkenly.
“We believe that the power of the Governor’s fart will overpower this mega-storm,” said crypto-meteorologist, Dr. Dean Traherne of the National Hurricane Hunters Task Force in Lawrence Harbour,New Jersey. He was also joined by the famous gas scientist, Whit Bissell.
“Currently doctors and nutritionists and Dr. Whit Bissell are feeding the Governor three heavy portions of baked beans and cabbage. As that mixture ferments in his intestines, the doctors will feed him large amounts of fried garlic, onions and which he will wash down with warm whole milk and one quart of split pea ( with ham) soup.
“We believe that the amount of gas the Governor can emit will be powerful enough and dense enough, to push the storm all the way out to Greenland or Western Ireland.
“By the time the storm is blown towards Ireland, the power of it will have been greatly diminished by the density of the fart gas that shoots powerfully from the Governor’s colon and anal area. The people of Ireland and Greeland will not suffer flooding or wind damage but we are concerned about the smell of the mega-fart. There could be another potato famine and another mass migration of Irish people to the shores of North America,” added Dr. Wht Bissell. 
We here at TheDamienZone.com think that Governor Christie is a hero and even if his plan fails to kill the storm, he will set a record for the largest fart ever expelled by a mammal. New Jersey can be proud of that accomplishment.
