EXPERTS DECLARE: Long Island Psychic Theresa Caputo is a fake!

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“If dead people are attracted to a frigging idiot like this, I hope there is no afterlife.” [Damien LeGallienne].

After gaining notoriety on her TLC show “Long Island Medium,” Theresa Caputo is the down-to-earth psychic that fans adore — but not Italian Americans. Most of them think Caputo is an annoying c’afone who hoodwinks people into thinking that she sees dead people.

According to some viewers — reality TV viewers especially — this crock of shit with pesto for brains, is making Italian Americans look like mobsters, hucksters and bums.

Here’s some close up pics of Theresa’s fingernails.  Das Caputo Manicure.

“She’s a poor man’s Carmella Soprano with a crystal ball. She talks to ghosts with canoli cream coming out of her loud and annoying mouth — and you call that entertainment,” asked one man who was mowing his lawn in Garfield, New Jersey USA.

Mildred Sclafani, a prominent Italian-American Bigfoot filmmaker and noted cryptozoologist, was much angrier.

“Theresa came up to my elderly mother while we were shopping at Casa Di Venzia Supermarket in Garfield, New Jersey.  She drags her fat ass over to my mother who is barely alive and tells her that she’s surrounded by dead people who are sad because she no longer eats their meatballs and sausage on Sunday.”

“I wanted to shove a calzone in her mouth and shut her up. Of course my mother is surrounded by old people who want her to eat their meatballs and sausages. My mother is 98 frigging years old. Everbody she ever knew is dead and they all made gravy on Sunday for chrissake!

“Do you know how many ghosts of dead Italian old ladies are walking around in the after-life trying to scoop out a dish of gravy with meatballs and a piece of sausage? Who the frig does she think she is fooling?

“Listen, I am a Bigfoot expert and I have made a lot of money talking about Bigfoot sightings in New York and New Jersey and I have spent a lot of time working with TV celebrity Joey Lawrence on his hair and his comeback, don’t you think I can spot a bullshitter when I see one? Be serious!”

Scalfani is not the only person who is annoyed at this Ghost Hunting Guidette. The Amazing Randi, a famous debunker of ghost talkers, had this to say.

Caputo does what’s known in my trade as “cold reading.” The very best practitioners can pick up enough information in what seems like innocent, idle conversation to convince you that they know very specific things about you. The scientific phenomenon is called the Forer effect — giving credence to vague observations that seem personal.

“It’s also called the Barnum effect, after that famous showman credited with coining the phrase: “There’s a sucker born every minute.

“That technique consists of simply tossing out initials, names and situations to the subject, asking casual questions while guessing, and a handful of other manipulative psychological techniques to appear to be demonstrating psychic powers.

“Is there an anniversary coming up?” “A birthday or something?” “He/she just said to me …” “He’s proud of you” and the ever-popular “Do you understand?” — to which the answer is always a nod of assent. What else is a beguiled believer to do when told: “She’s happy in Heaven?”

“All of those inquiries come from Caputo, I should add.”

TheDamienZone thinks that The Amazing Randi is 100% on the money and that Theresa Caputo is not only a c’afone, she is a fake, a phony and a fraud. She preys on the maudlin sentiment of simple-minded people who think that her earthy personality and loud boorish behavior are signs that she is truly in league with the spirit world. If dead people are attracted to a frigging idiot like this, I hope there is no afterlife.

“You have to be a mentally challenged to believe in her,” said Dr Dean Traherne MD PhD, of Conmordini Medical and past President of the Traherne Institue for Italian American Defamation.  It is important to note here that Dr. Traherne’s Institute for Italian-American Defamation  doesn’t protect Italian Americans from defamation.  Their purpose is to openly defame them.

“The average person who watches her show is proven to be of a low intellectual level,” continued Traherne.

“The average true believer in this ‘Long Island Psychic’ has an average IQ of 87 which is very low by any standard. We have done field testing at forty-five of her shows and the results are always the same. Naturally the tests were disguised as one’s that challenged the participant’s ability to communicate with the dead, but they had no idea.

“She’s all over TV making Italian-American New Yorkers look like idiots and that’s not very hard when you venture into Staten Island.

“She’s loud and tacky and everything she does is total bull. She relies on the stereotypical behavior of the gravy-making Italian. She couldn’t get a ghost to talk to her even if she made the best clams oreganata in Sheepshead Bay Brooklyn. She should be taken off the air immediatly. It’s a disgrace to Italian-Americans all across the country and I am lovng every minute watching this boo-tanna (tramp) make an asshole out of herself. Madawnna Mia (Virgin Mary) is she a freaking jidrool or what? (Jidrool is Italian American slang for somebody who has the brain of cucumber. It’s almost as bad being a Bin-Ay ( retarded) or a Dzit-Dzoon.” (Not sure what that means)

“I think she also has a gimmick where she has people working for her who take down license plate numbers and get info on people — death records and things like that. She is a complete fake and she is a humilation to Italian Americans. To her I say, Ah Von Nabala ( Go to hell ) and Facheem ah stu gotz!”

Doctor Traherne seemed to enjoy using these Italian idioms, and when the interview was over he insisted on taking the writers to Calandra’s bakery where he showed us a memorial plaque  engraved with the the name, “Millie the Baker” — he never explained.

Reporting for TheDamienZone.com – Damien LeGallienne.