Many people are wondering how a wimpy little guy like American Idol Champion Scotty McCreery can have such a deep voice. Is he putting that voice on? Is there something wrong with his testicles – like, are they huge? Was he trained to sing so deeply? Seems the truth is more about the anatomy of Scott’s throat than it is about vocal training or anything like that.
“We here at The Mayo Clinic have carefully examined Scott McCreery and we have determined that the perfectly round shape of his head gives him a deep and resonant voice,” said Dr. Carl Betts of the Mayo Clinic’s Department of Otolaryngology.
“His head is such a perfect sphere that at the point where his jawbone aligns with his Eustachian tubes, the vocal chords are situated much like a guitar string is situated over a resonant hole. It’s actually a marvel of anatomical strangeness. Nobody has a perfectly round head — at least nobody but Scott McCreery. His head is an absolute sphere. If we launched his head into space it would go into an immediate orbit around the earth and yet it would still be able to sing.
“Personally I was dissapointed that his head was a perfect sphere, continued the doctor. ”
“I had been wishing that he just had a huge pair of nice balls that I could examine, but once the stats came in about the head shape, I had to settle for that answer — and it’s the right answer. Maybe his balls are big anyway — I don’t know, and I guess I never will, but I did leave him my phone number here at the clinic. ”
Doctors are doing further tests on Scott because his ability to sing might be hurting his ability to think.
“No normal brain of a human variety can fit into a sphere. Scott’s brain must be either very small, very round or very not there,” continued Dr. Betts. “We’re thinking ‘primitive brain’ in Scott’s case. We will do some tests on him to see if he can put round blocks into round holes and things like that, but in the meantime, we have no reason to believe that a spherical brain can and does work with any degree of alacrity.”
“A spherical head is just not found in nature, and if anything, Scott should be receiving attention not for his singing, but for the shape of his head. We measured the most precision golf balls made in the world — the Kiosiita 701 — computer analyses show that golf ball — at $400.00 per ball– is as close to a sphere as any ball can come, but tests show that Scott McCreery’s head is actually a more perfect sphere when you get down to the nano-micro-milli-meters. There is a possibility that his head might be made of anti-matter and it’s a miracle that while he bumped heads with the other contestants on American Idol that the world didn’t suddenly explode.”
So now we know that America’s Idol has a deep voice because his head is a perfect sphere and that should he be launched into orbit he will be a natural satellite. We also learmed that he might be made of volatile and earth-destroying anti-matter. Truly points to ponder while we wish good luck to our new champion.
