Gaboury Sidibe recently had to turn down the job as spokesperson for McDonald’s Restaurants because of a situation beyond the director’s control.
“We had a commercial planned where Gabourey walks through the Golden Arches and welcomes Americans to her home away from home,” said the multi-untalented director Quentin Faustino — a brother to “Married With Children” semi-midget star David Faustino, and a cousin to the grossly overrated Quentin Tarantino.
“She delivered her lines in a monotone with no visible acting skills, but I expected that,” continued the really bad director. “When she tried to walk through the Golden Arches, she didn’t fit. Can you believe that? We even went to the SUPER McDonalds at The Mall Of America and she didn’t fit through those either. We flew on Southwest from Burbank so she had to get two tickets because she is, according to Southwest policy, a P.O.S (Person Of Size).”
The director showed that he had promise by using some crafty techniques to get his starlet to fit through the arches.
“I remembered what I heard from Melissa Gilbert about Michael Landon the set of “Little House On The Prairie,” continues Faustino. “Whenever Michael Landon wanted little half-pint to cry in a scene, he used to tell her that her family hated her and never wanted to see her again. That made the little brat wail.
“I took Landon’s nastiness a few steps further. I had a fishing pole with a quarter pounder at the end of the line. I dangled it in front of Gaboury’s mouth. If she made it through the arches, she got to eat the burger.
” I even put lube on her thighs and upper arms, but it was no good. I had to settle for a Hispanic actress named Julie Comprez who does Vonage commercials where she talks about something called the Big Pernee or something. Nobody knows if she is saying “the big Per knee or what but it’s a Vonage commercial so I gave her the job and canned Gabourey Sidibe.”
So Julie Comprez, your spanish woman from the Vonage commercials with the Big Per nee or whatever is, now the spokes lady for McDonalds and Gabourey can’t even make it through the drive-thru. By the way — The real Vonage word is covered here on this website, http://thedamienzone.com/2010/12/21/spanish-word-in-vonage-commercial-big-turkey-and-the-big-_______-what/