Elizabeth Olsen — movie star

Elizabeth Olsen, the younger sister of the two trained chimps who used to hang all over Uncle Jessie but then grew up to throw up often and have no talent, is making waves at Sundance and the rumor-mill has it that she will co-star with Tom Cruise and Snooki in the remake of the classic film, “Humoresque.”

“I have more talent that my sisters, what can I say,”  said Elizabeth as she fed her sister Ashley a banana and some Purina Monkey Chow at a  rehab where both her sisters are being treated for numerous addictions and conditions and sydromes.

“Some people say that this will end up like “Whatever Happened to Babay Jane”– that I will grow up and my sisters will be two broken down old nobodies who sponge off of me, but I don’t think that will happen because they both shouldn’t live long.  I mean, they are really screwed up — but I love them even though I have the talent in the family and they look like rhesus monkies.”