CNN – Dead Birds, Dead Fish and Kirk Cameron.

The folks over at CNN are not really as dopey as they might seem.  Of course the recent interview with Kirk Cameron regarding all the dead birds and dead fish in Arkansas would have you believe otherwise.

For some reason, Anderson Cooper or his people, decided that birds were bouncing and fish were flopping because the Apocalypse was neigh.    Of course nobody knows more about the end of the world than former teen idol Kirk Cameron — well, at least that’s what the folks over at Anderson Cooper-land thought.   Cameron, a bit perplexed, took advantage of the air time, but issued a statement afterwards.

“Well, I first think that they ought to call a veterinarian, not me. You know, I’m not the religious conspiracy theorist go-to guy particularly. But I think it’s really kind of silly to try to equate birds falling out of the sky with some kind of an end-times theory.”, however, has got it all figured out.  You see, the birds were most likely disoriented from fireworks or really bad weather.  Bird drops like this are not really that unusual — as a matter of fact, they are actually quite common, but since the majority of the earth is water, and a lot of migrations take place over water, many bird die-offs happen with nobody seeing them.

Also, the fish of only one species died and that suggests that some kind of disease struck and killed a bunch of them.  If it had been a lack of oxygen or a toxin, other species of fish would have died — they did not.

Lastly, Anderson Cooper just wanted to be with his dreamy teen idol and has yearned to talk to Kirk since he was a teenager.  This was the first chance he got because in real life, Kirk is really Jesus-y and he won’t hang out with Anderson.   Whew!  the whole riddle is solved!


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