They’ve been there since 1947 after their saucer crashed in the desert outside of Roswell, New Mexico and for the most part they have been quiet and helpful, but recently the “Grey 7” have started to complain about the food.
“It all started when they built an Olive Garden Restaurant about 100 miles from the Alien Being Detention Center (ABDC), ” said Commander Lukas Hastings, 83, who has been with the aliens since he was a 20 year old private. “The guys come and go with all kinds of aircraft in and out of here and sometimes they bring in take-out food from the Olive Garden.
“At first the aliens could only eat baby food and okra, but in 2008 their digestive systems finally adapted and they started to take a liking to take out food fit for humans. Okra is not fit for humans and we do not consider baby food to be fit for humans but we give it to babies because they don’t know any better. Funny thing is now that I am 83 and have IBS and BPA and DVT, I have to eat baby food.
“Anyway, they read on the Internet that the Olive Garden gives you all the salad you can eat, but because we bring in take-out, once they finish what the pilots bring in, that’s it. They demand more salad — unlimited salad and some have started clipping early bird coupons for The Olive Garden from the Internet and local newspapers. But if they want unlimited salad we would have to bring them out to The Olive Garden and that isn’t planned for at least another 125 years.”
The aliens agree with Commander Hastings, but sald doesn’t seem to be their only gripe.
“We…want….breadsticks….and….warm rolls,” said Ebe, the number one boss of the aliens. “These…fucking…pilots….bring…us….this….take…away….plates…but….we…only…get…a…few….fucking……rolls.”
These guys are on a strict diet,” said President Obama. “If they don’t shut up we’ll go back to Okra and baby food and then we’ll shake all their secrets out of them. Christ, they have been here for over 60 years and what did we get— a transistor radio. If they want fucking Olive Garden, they gotta start curing disease and teaching us all kinds of shit.”