SURGERY COMPLETE: Barry Manilow is now a rare seabird.

As the sun rises over the 10,000 block of Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, California, singer Barry Manilow lies in a recovery room after undergoing the final in a series of complex reconstructive surgeries that have converted him from a human being to a seagull and finally to the rarely seen Pacific Leather Vested Whooping Crane. last reported that Manilow was enjoying life as a seagull and that last night’s surgery would be the last in his conversion.  Over the course of several years Manilow has totally changed his Order and Phyllum and now he has changed his species.   He’s also going to have to change his diet and from what we’ve heard, it sure sounds yummy.

“It’s truly an amazing transformation,” said Dr. Shutya Beak of The Audabon Bird to Human Hospital of Reconstrcutive Surgery.  “Mr. Manilow is recovering well and as soon as the dead rabbit in the cafeteria starts to decompose,  one of our volunteers will eat it and then regurgitate it into Barry’s mouth.  He is going to need a lot of nourishment for the next few days and we are thankful to our volunteers because you can be sure as shit that none of us doctors will be doing that.”

Last night’s surgery lasted nearly eight hours as bird surgeons implanted two long stick-like black legs to Manilow’s seagull torso.  The legs were grown from stem cells harvested from the nest of a captive pair of Pacific Leather Vested Whooping Cranes.  The fold away wings were then attached to Manilow’s back.   Doctors think that Manilow will be able to wade in shallow water within a few weeks and that he probably will take to the air by October.

“Mr. Manilow will probably migrate in the fall and our best guess is that he’ll be going to Rio… Janeiro or perhaps the hottest spot north of Havanna,” said Dr. Beak.  “We’re not exactly sure where this species goes but we will implant a device on Mr. Manilow in case he gets lost.” was able to sneak into Manilow’s recovery room and ask the groggy crooner how it felt to now be a rare seabird.

“I feel….I feel…endangered,” said Manilow. 

3 thoughts on “SURGERY COMPLETE: Barry Manilow is now a rare seabird.

  1. How nice for Barry that his young, quite muscular, great-grand nephew was available to escort him home from the bird sanctuary.

  2. Not exactly a sanctuary, Pierre. It was a recovery room for all humans who have made Phyllum Order Kingdon Species changes. (POKS) Sadly, the kids across the street who attend the GLBT High School tease the transformees and throw objects at them. It’s so hard to be different in America.

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