A website dedicated to human stupidity and dumbness

Peacock Escapes From Manhattan Zoo. DON’T TOUCH THAT COCK!

A Peacock escaped from The Bronx Zoo today and took up residence on  the window ledges of Manhattan high-rises.    Despite the bird’s beauty, the residents of the posh apartments were not too pleased.

“The peacock shit all over my window ledge,” said Lily Feldmennst, 88.  I don’t pay $12,000 a month to look at birdshit on my windowsill. 

I usually would get the colored lady to clean it but she is afraid of the bird.   Do I look like a fakata birdshit cleaner to you?  I am a wealthy and sopisticated New Yorker. I have lived here for 88 years.  My husband died in 1968 and birds carry diseases. ”

The manager of the undisclosed building got rid of the bird by throwing bran flakes at it, but then the bird flew on down to the Chelsea area where it landed on a fire escape that connects to the bedroom of John-Paul Dahl, 27, a hair designer and makeup artist for the TV Soap All My Children and a failed cast member of LOGO Channel’s A-List New York.

“I was screaming like a little wild girl and  flailing my arms in ecstasy, then I out from under the Puerto-Rican hustler I was in bed with and saw the Peacock on my fire escape,” said Dahl. 

 “What a beautuful bird.  I wanted to keep it but then I knew that somebody was missing that peacock.  I like cocks of all kinds and if I could I would turn my apartment into a male bird sanctuary, but I called the cops and thank god I did because just as they came in the door, Julio, the guy I met on line last night was making off with my wallet and my collection of Lladro statues.  Son of a bitch, right?”

The bird was identified by experts from the zoo as bird # 309 and they hope that he will be caught or return on his own to t he zoo.   Trouble is that he has already ruffled the feathers of an old-biddy Jewish pain in the ass, and some gay guy from Chelsea wants to set up a cock preserve of some sort.     New York, New York — it’s a helluva town.

People are being warned to leave the cock alone –DO NOT TOUCH TOUCH THAT COCK — and don’t bother the bird either.  Badda BING!

He is harmless and authorities say that if you can’t stand a little bird shit on your window ledge, you should go fuck yourself.   That sounds a little harsh, but TheDamienZone agrees.

1 Comment
  1. Newsflash……the peacock has been last seen hanging upside down in a downtown Chinatown store window.

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