Ferociously ugly, incredibly untalented, unapologetically intrusive and grossly uninteresting Kelly Osbourne is running around telling everyone who will listen to her that Amy Winehouse called her the night the singer died and that the two spoke for over an hour.
Osbourne even had the pushy audacity to post a picture of herself and Winehouse on Twitter on Saturday, saying, “I miss my friend! Im going to be off twitter for a while thank you for all your support! #pray4amy.” <– Can you just hurl or what?
Osbourne’s claim is that Amy reached out to her last of all, and that during their death-pending conversation, the massively messed up Winehouse seemed perfectly normal.
Can you imagine the balls it takes to cozy up to a dead celebrity just to boost your own lack of interesting-ness? Also can you believe any of this to be true when in fact Winehouse’s boyfriend told police that the singer had been on a non-stop three-day binge of intense drinking and drugging? Maybe she called Kelly Osbourne so that the world’s most uninteresting celebrity kid could hear hear Winehouse puke and drool. Keep in mind that our words might sound harsh, but we are not making fun of Winehouse, we are making fun of Kelly Osbourne. We made fun of Winehouse in another article. http://thedamienzone.com/2011/07/23/amy-winehouse-dead-at-27-was-an-asshole/
This is not the first time someone has done this “shamelss-hone-in-on-the-dead” thing after the premature death of a singer. A lot of people, TheDamienZone included, believe that Courtney Love did it when Kurt Cobain kiled himself — and she even went so far as to laughably insert references to herself on Kurt’s suicide note.
As untalented and sickening as Courtney Love has proven to be, she still has a million times (well, maybe a hundred times) more talent than Kelly Osbourne who — and we repeat — might be the most untalented and most uninteresting person in the world.
“People only know who Kelly Osbourne is because she was forced upon the world by her father’s reality show,” said celebrity expert, Dr. Benjamin Switchy, of the Switchy Insitute for Social Studies and Subhuman Behavior in Vale, Colorado.
“When The Osbourne family reality show hit the airwaves the public got an entertaining dose, as it were, of the legendary rocker Ozzie Osbourne, but sadly the public also had to endure the antics of Ozzie’s wife and kids. The wife Sharon is mildly entertaining in a leather June Cleaver kind of way, but the two kids, Kelly and Jack , were and still are, the ugliest and most uninteresting kids in the world. It was almost as if god said, ‘Let me give Ozzie the most annoying and uninterestingly ugly kids in the world,’ and god bless god because he did a bang up job.”
We’ll never know if Amy Winehouse really did share her final night gabbing on the phone with the Dancing With The Stars also ran, but we don’t really care. The thing that makes us sick is that Kelly Osbourne made sure that the entire celebrity media machine got the story and even passed it on to her annoying ” it’s-okay-because-I’m-a-chatterbox-mother” so that she too could attest to the unprovable story.
Not content to hone in on a dead Winehouse’s last moments, Kelly had to be front and center at Winehouse’s funeral — she was soooooooooooo upset and soooooooo sad. She wasn’t so sad that she forgot to make her funeral attire ever so Amy Winehouse-ish. This of course was done as a tribute more for the photographers than it was for Winehouse. Hey, maybe she was sad, but when you’re that sad, do you run around telling people personal business about yourself and the deceased? Of course Osbourne will not discuss what the two spoke about during their pre-death pillow talk — she’s probably saving that for cash offers from the talk show circuit.
A private funeral for Amy Winehouse was held at Edgwarebury Cemetery in London on Tuesday, with family and friends in attendance including Kelly Osbourne, “Back to Black” producer Mark Ronson and recent boyfriend, unheard of filmmaker Reg Traviss. Mark Ronson is no stranger to celebrity vulture circling. His parasitic sister is still flying in circles over Lindsay Lohan’s house.
Here’s the thing. Kelly has no talent. If we could afford it we would put up a billboard on Sunset Boulevard saying as much. Because she has no talent, she should learn a trade — maybe heating and air-conditioning or auto mechanics. There is nothing lower than honing in on a death with maudlin sound bites and stupid press releases. If Amy Winehouse did indeed call Kelly Osbourne in her final moments, Osbourne should have kept her stupid and uninteresting mouth shut. There was no need for her to try to gain a few minutes of press from the demise of Winehouse. It was in the poorest taste and if Amy Winehouse turns out to be a poltergeist, the first thing she should do is shove Osbourne’s Twitter device up her fat ass.