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MTV CASTING NEW “JERSEY SHORE” HOUSEMATES for 2013.

With the original cast already getting played out and too old for the routine, MTV is getting ready to start top secret casting calls for the second round of Jersey Shore which they will call “Jersey Shore Phase 2.”  The original cast doesn’t know it yet but our sources tell us that they will not be asked back for the 2013 season.

“We hope to start sending out our castingscouts for Jersey Shore Phase 2 by the middle of March 2012.” said a source close to the associate casting director.

“This time we are going to stick strictly with Italian-Americans who have lived in New Jersey for at least the last ten years of their lives.  We will not use Chilean born midgets or subintellects from Rhode Island or New York.  This will be strictly a New Jersey thing and this time the parents of the kids will be involved in the show as well since each episode will have one of the cast member’s parents hosting the episode — cooking, cleaning and supervising.   They won’t live with the cast and they will have to be out of the way by nightfall when we expect the cast to do wild stuff –perhaps even wilder than what you’ve seen in the past.”

According to our sources, MTV is looking for 4 guys and 4 girls ages 21 – 23 only!  Nobody older will be accepted — no exceptions.  They must have a clean bill of health from our doctors who include doctors of Internal Medicine and Psychiatry.  Drug tests will be performed and only low to middle-range blood  levels of designer drugs, anabolic steroids, birth control pills and marijuana will be accepted to pass the physical.

MTV is building a new, and more spacious house a few blocks from the old ragtag house that has been serving as the current house for the Guidos.

Another weird stipulation is that the casting calls will not be open so there is no reason to call.  MTV will be sending out secret scouts.  People you would never suspect will be working for MTV in search of cast members.  The theory behind this is that they don’t want impostors or people who are putting on an act as though they are Guidos or Guidettes.

“They have to be real,”  said an anonymous source (that’s how secret this is)  — Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino turned out to be an untalented impostor who is rumored to be gay and Paulie D was perceived of as a strange and distant almost autistic thing.   The quiet one, Vinny Guadagnino, was only really looking to start a movie career and wasn’t a real Guido.  In essence, they were all wanna-be actors and actresses and in reality none of them had any talent.  The Situation’s recent humiliating stint on a Comedy Central Roast was more than ample testament as to why we need really dopey Guidos who aren’t up to anything but drinking, sexing and fighting.

“It sounds nasty but that’s the kind of real reality we want.  It’s hard to believe but reality TV is not as real as you think.  This time we want to keep it really real and our scouts are working everywhere from low-end jobs as retail cashiers to bartenders at NJ nightclubs.  We’ve even climbed the ladder a bit and made a bunch of our scouts junior college teachers and students.  We will find real, dyed in the wool Guidos and Guidettes.  Another key is we want them to be super hot and super sexy.  No dogs — we had a bunch of dogs in the previous cast.  The guys were okay looking but they weren’t hot stuff and the girls were nothing that would turn any heads in the south of France — in other words, we are looking for gorgeous morons.”

So New Jersey guys and gals 21-23 — you never know who is watching you.  But keep in mind that you have to be 21 -23 and you have to be from New Jersey.  MTV will make people they pick sign a sworn affidavit and anyone caught lying or cheating will be charged with theft of services — MTV is not fooling around.

70 Comments
  1. I’m really sickened with how you comment on here. You in NO way act professional at all. Kind of a red flag right there of really how accurate your sources are. You are the worse disgrace for a human being..I suggest you don’t write anymore article blogs! 🙂 Have a nice day!

  2. Professional? The real red flag is the c’afones who read this stupid shit — people like you. Keep coming back — you know you can’t resist. You live in fuckin Oshkosh for chrissakes and you’ll never be on Jersey Shore — your life is all for nothing.

  3. What does that have to do with anything? I don’t want to be on fucking Jersey Shore? Is that what you really think? Why I commented on here is because I don’t think this is true which is all. Yes, I live in Wisconsin but why should that matter? I don’t want to be on the show I just don’t believe this shit. And my life is for nothing?? Boy, are you fucking crazy? My Dad is a millionaire who lives in Las Vegas that is a professional gambler making more than these kids…what makes you think that these people have it better then others?

  4. “Chuck” — at the top of the DameinZone homepage, http://www.thedamienzone.com, look at a link called “about the damien zone” click on it and read it. BUT…that doesn’t mean I just make shit up.

  5. Okay..let’s say this whole thing is real then why didn’t we hear about all of this yet? We’re in the year of 2012..Jersey Shore is still on the air with the original cast members and we still didn’t hear anything about this from MTV except that Pauly D & Snooki are doing spinoff shows and that season 6 will be filming in Miami again for the year of 2012!

  6. The 2012 season of filming starts in November and airs in 2013. That’s the season you do not know about. It takes place in Hawaii. They have had all of 2011 summer and 2012 summer upcoming to pick the cast.

  7. So much for season 6 airing in 2013 with new people. MTV just confirmed a season 6 in 2012 back at Seaside Heights, NJ? You need better sources my friend!!

  8. you’ll see

  9. How can I get on the new show of jersey shore

  10. Is there a number a email someone I can talk to

  11. NO — read the story — the casting people are hiding everywhere. You never know who is a casting director — it could be the guy at your local McDonalds or a bartender at a local club — you do not know and neither do I.

  12. Well april 14 ill be in sf for the real world just wanted to be on jersey shore more

  13. YOU HAVE TO BE FROM NEW JERSEY! GODDAMIT!

  14. It would be betta if it was people over the world thats crazy we need sum black ppl on the there thts wen they really started makin money

  15. Thts crazy dey only pick people out there

  16. Ok, as someone who has lived in Jersey now for a few years and my husband was born and raised, I get why the show wants to have only Jersey peeps. I mean they are known for being way dramatic and DDM has a point…the show is called JERSEY shore! I never did understand why it was called that when pretty much the entire cast was from other States! Furthermore, MTV already has Washington Heights with peeps from NY and it is lame and boring the people are ugly and I hope that it doesn’t last and gets taken off the air. I would much rather watch a show with people who are going to entertain me…isn;t that why we watch TV for entertainment??

  17. I wanna be on jersey shore..im half italian but my family dont look it..just me and i ever live there so thats a no:/ it would be nice to me tho

  18. you are so dumb a loser your jealous MTV is not making a new jersey shore!!!!! the show is over get it got it!! stop hating cuz you are to dumb to come up with something that is really going on the cast members moved on and thats great hope the best for them without them the show would not have gotten to were it got…. another thing you know how i knew your little report was a fraud was your writing on their pic’s……get a life your picture of the guys that could be on the next one hahahahaha well no one would watch those guys they look like my dogs poop… on a bad day there are no people looking to cast a new show its over… no over they cancled the show not just the crew… didnt you watch the last one you dumb people believe everyrhing

  19. Lacy — you’re either a drunk slut or a closet gay Guido – go fuck yourself

  20. I get out of jail to see this lol
    damn jersey shore used to bke my favorite show ever cuh damn thoes other ni**ggas whent hard AF these new ni**as gnna suck

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