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Who is Cristy Lane? Space Alien?

Who is Cristy Lane?  Who is that singer nobody has ever heard of who sells her brand of country music mixed with a little Jesus?  Who is this woman who uses photographs from the 1970s on her “best-selling” albums?    That’s a question a lot of people would like to know because when she sings the unknown “hit” song “One Day At A Time, Sweet Jesus” we all feel like idiots for not knowing her. 

Well the answer is that Cristy Lane is a 71-year-old third stringer country star who has had a few hits on the charts for her husband’s music company.    Recent rumors were that she was a space alien who was hypnotizing people with her music, but after just a few bars of One Day At A Time Sweet Jesus, most people just switched the channel, although there are some groups in the USA who consider Cristy to be a very big star who came down in a spaceship that was operated by Jesus. 

“Cristy is the voice of the Apocolypse and her coming was the beginning of the end,” said Myrtle Purdy, a fan and devotee since the Cristy-mobile landed in her backyard in 1969.  “Jesus was controlling the ship Cristy got off carrying her sheet music.  I waved goodbye to Jesus and he told me to take things one day at a time.”

We scoured through records at area 51 and found what we believe to be a fake bio that was made for Cristy by the US Government to cover up her true identity.

Cristy Lane was born Eleanor Johnston January 8, 1940 in Peoria, Illinois.  She was one of twelve children, and was raised in an economically-depressed section of East  Peoria.    Raised in near poverty, she developed a shy personality and often spoke with a lisp and still sings with it so all of her songs that have the name Jesus in them, have to be carefully engineered.

Before she turned 20, Lane married Lee Stoller, a former U.S. Marine and kitchenware salesman who was also raised in poverty. Within five years, the couple had three children. Because he enjoyed her singing, Stoller encouraged Lane to sing publicly. Able to shed her shyness, Lane began performing in night clubs and landed a spot on the a local show call Barn Dance in 1968.After Lane began to perform regularly, Stoller took charge of Lane’s career, serving as her manager and publicist. Lane decided to take the stage name of “Cristy Lane”, naming herself after her favorite disc jockey  Chris Lane.

She is not a big enough star to be selling records, and she is most likely a space alien, but she’s taking it one day at a time, sweet Jeethus.

4 Comments
  1. You haven’t heard anything until you’ve heard her rendition of “I Believe in Angels!” It will haunt you until the day you die…which may be halfway through the song. 😉

  2. You are wrong, Kari — we have indeed heard “I believe in Angels” and we survived, but only because a team of paramedics were on the scene in minutes. We still get frequent flashbacks, however, and we are in therapy.

  3. This is it.
    This is it.
    This life the only one you get so go and have a ball.
    This is it.
    This is it.
    Straight ahead and rest assured you can’t be sure at all.
    So while you’re here enjoying the view,
    Keep on doin’ what you do,
    So hold on tight we’ll muddle through One Day at a Time, One Day at a Time.
    So up on your feet.
    Up on your feet.
    Somewhere there’s music playin’.
    Don’t you worry none.
    We’ll just take it like it comes.
    One Day at a Time.
    One Day at a Time.
    One Day at a na, na, na, na.
    One Day at a Time.
    One Day at a Time.
    One Day at a na, na, na, na.
    One Day at a Time.

    One Day at a Time is brought to you by General Electric. GE, we bring good things to life.

  4. I don’t totally get this, but okay. If you’re really the ghost of Bonnie Franklin, I hope you’re doing well up there.

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