A website dedicated to human stupidity and dumbness

Lunar Eclipse Tonight: December 20th — but not in New Jersey.

Unlike a total eclipse of the sun, which is only visible to those in the path of totality,  a moon eclipse is visible from all places within the hemisphere were the moon is above the horizon.  Meaning that tonight’s eclipse can been seen across North and South America, northern and western Europe, and a small part of northeast Asia, including Korea and most of Japan.  That’s a potential viewing audience of about 1.5 billion people! 

Sadly the eclipse will not be seen in New Jersey USA.

Governor Chris Christie is planning on cleaning the gutters on his home and as soon as he climbs the ladder to his roof, everyone in New Jersey will have their view obscured by the Governor’s fat ass and giant blockhead.

“This is outrageous,” said Connie Confluverri from under the hair dryer at Merola’s Beauty Salon in Garfield, New Jersey. 

 “I mean, you’se wait all your frigging lives for a frigging lunar eclipse and then that tabba’kone (Italian-American slang for a fat person) has to clean his gutters?  Why didn’t that moddy’ule (Italian-American slang for a stupid or gullible person) clean his gutters the day before or after? 

“Some of the greatest astronomers have been Italians,” continued Connie.  “There is nothing more interesting to Italians than astronomy.    I am very interested in astronomy and I read my horoscope every day. 

“I wish this jid’rool (Italian-American slang for cucumber or mentally slow person) would get out of the frigging way for chrissakes!”

Poor New Jersey.  The rest of the world will get to see the eclipse but because their girthy Governor will be standing on the roof of his home tonight, nobody in the Garden State will get to see it.   

If you’re planning to catch a glimpse of tonight’s lunar eclipse, you’ll just need to bundle up – though binoculars or a telescope will give you a much nicer view. but you will have to travel to New York or Pennsylvania if you live in New Jersey.  

A moon eclipse is safe to watch, not like a solar eclipse, which requires special viewing precautions in order to avoid eye damage.

The most noticeable part of the eclipse will begin tonight, when the moon begins to enter Earth’s dark inner shadow, but in New Jersey, all you will see is a giant pair of baggy pants against the light of the moon.  If the Governor farts, you might be able to see a puff of smoky haze pass in front of the moon’s glow.

1 Comment
  1. Interesting site, I like it!

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