“The bear hunt in New Jersey is going all wrong for all the right reasons,” said Hungarian zoologist Julius Switchy, father of the famous crypto-zoological investigator, Benjamin Switchy.
“The weather has been cold and breezy so all the rambunctious and strong bears are laying low or heading for points northwest and into Pennsylvania via the Delaware Water Gap. They are keenly aware that humans are afoot and any animal with a lick of strength can outsmart a weekend warrior with no trouble at all.
“Now, three days into the hunt, all the hunters are coming upon are old and tired bears. These bears are not a threat to anyone and their meat is unhealthy to eat and they certainly do not make for attractive trophies. It’s getting to the point where the hunters don’t even need rifles. They can just walk up to some of these old geezers and shoot them with a handgun — but that’s illegal or at least it should be.”
Dr. Julius Switchy finds it amusing that the bear hunt that was supposed to rid New Jersey of nuisance bears is actually encouraging the black bear population to thrive.
“Many females who have failed matings with these older bears are now mating with the younger and stronger bears. The genetic deck of cards is becoming more diverse and thusly the bears will gradually get bigger and stronger if New Jersey continues with future hunts.
“It’s rather humorous because for every 300-pound bear you shoot, you wind up with three or four 500-pound bears a few years down the road. Whoever figured that this hunt would do any good needs to go back to genetics school.”
Switchy is not an animal rights activist. as a matter of fact, he is himself an avid hunter, but when it comes down to pure science, he sees the hunt in New Jersey as outright lunacy.
“A bear from genetic deck A-1 usually mates with a bear that is closely related to his own genetic line and over the years you wind up with the flimsy kind of bears you see in New Jersey, but when you start to scatter bears and A-1’s start to breed with D-3’s, you wind up with cross-breeding and nothing makes a bear cub a more viable wild animal that a fresh injection of new genes.
“If people in New Jersey now fear their 200 or 300-pound lumberers, wait until they get a load of the 500 or 600 pound monsters that will come walking into town in 2015. It will make for quite a sight.”
Switchy believes that the hunt in New Jersey will eventually make New Jersey the bear capital of the USA.
“You folks in New Jersey might have to change your name from “The Garden State” to “The Giant Black Bear State.”
Other zoologists agree with Switchy and the fact that the otherwise opportunistic bears are heading into the wild reaches of eastern Pennsylvania and New York State only serves to improve the breed both in size, numbers and ferocity. According to the experts, this move to the wild will create a strain of huge black bears that one would be more likely to encounter in Montana or Idaho — real monsters.
“Eventually the bears will figure out the pattern of the hunt just like shoppers figure out when to clog the highways for Christmas shopping,” said Dr. Switchy with a chuckle.
“Eventually, New Jersey towns are going to have to go 365 days a year with sharpshooters watching for 10 foot tall behemoths, but by then it will be too late and somebody will have been hurt or killed or both.”