“Let’s face it, there are a percentage of people who enjoy shitting their pants,” said ostomy supply company executive Seymour Stoma. “For years these people had to shit their pants in private or else they had to be prepared with a box of baby wipes and a quick change of clothes.
“We here at IT DEPENDS have designed our underwear with the closet pants shitter in mind. So now if there is a long line at the bank or you’re stuck in traffic, you can shit to your heart’s content without the fear of making a mess or causing a social disaster. But mostly we are in business for people who just want to shit their pants at work or at school. It depends on the mood that person is in and that’s why we call our product, IT DEPENDS.”
TheDamienZone.com learned that IT DEPENDS, headquartered at a huge industrial complex in Long Valley, New Jersey, are made of space-age materials that were designed by NASA scientists. They are odor proof and the wearer can expect at least one to two hours of living just like you and me, but after a few hours the shit will start to itch and burn your anal area and they recommend that you take a shower and change into a new pair. Women in skirts should not wear IT DEPENDS because there have been small cases of leakage and one female scientist at NASA always had a small brown stream running down her leg.
“Our designers used to work for NASA,” continued Stoma while a strained look crossed his face but quickly eased as he let out a sigh. “In the morning these men would show up for work with a cup of strong coffee and a cigarette. Of course before they even sat down at their desks they had to take a shit and there was always a mad dash to the restroom. After discussing their morning shit amongst themselves, the scientists decided that it would be great if they could just shit in their pants whenever they felt like it. After a few months of research they developed this fine product. Believe me, a lot of rockets got shot up into space by technicians who had a load of shit in their pants.”
According to IT DEPENDS marketers, the product will eventually attract people who would otherwise never shit their pants.
“We figure that most people will figure out that there is no reason to race to the bathroom at work or walk slowly into your house with your sphincter squeezing hard to hold back the poop,” said Stoma. “Holding in shit to the point where you sometimes don’t make it, can be hard on your heart and why not just let it go into your IT DEPENDS and then clean up later? You can shit your pants in the car on your way home from work and that will free up time for you to play catch with your kid. If you commute to work via train or bus and you like to read the newspaper, what better way to go than to sit in a cozy seat, prop up your paper and shit? The world is your toilet bowl. Some of Hollywoods top celebrities wear them. John Travolta and Leonardo diCaprio love to shit their pants and we sell them cases every month. DiCaprio even sells his used ones on the internet to people who are into that. ”
IT DEPENDS are not for sale to people with incontinence or people who need to wear protective adult diapers. The motto at IT DEPENDS reflects that. “IT DEPENDS, not because you have to, but because you want to.”
