Dress Color HOAX! Yes, “Dressgate” is a HOAX!

More proof of how stupidity and dumbness is alive and very well in the world — and this time it’s all over a dress.  Heaven help us all.

dressThe latest — and most wildly aggressive – non-issue to saturate the empty sponge heads of Facebook simpletons ( a distinct ethnic group unto itself) and the various and sundry misfits throughout the electronic cloud of dumbness, involves a cheap, shitty dress that looks to be blue and black to some people, and gold and white to others.    Wow — this is serious stuff, folks.  This is freaking amazing!  It’s a geyser of important information.

The whole craze spread throughout the USA and elsewhere in one day — ONE FREAKING DAY!  The trouble is that the whole thing is a complete waste of time and one of those weird light tricks that is being passed off as hoax.

dress2“I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner,”  said Dr. Raymond Totondi of the Skylight Institute for Physiological Research in Switzerland.

“The dress seems to be obviously blue and black to a person sitting at one computer, and then it appears to be gold and yellow to others at another computer or even the same computer.  

“The color change, however, is not indicative of some brain differences or anything to do with personality or temperament as some have claimed.   That is where this meme enters into hoax territory.  It’s simple logic and knowledge about how computer screens work. 

“Make no mistake, it’s a hoax, but only because it’s being presented to the public as some eerily strange phenomenon.” 

In a nutshell, here is what Dr, Totondi explained, and why he sees this whole issue as a hoax-ish fad that will eventually die away.

Here is why it’s blue or black or gold and white, and why you should pay more attention to the color of your stool than to the color of this slutty dress.

1) A person who sees the dress as black and blue will email it to another person who sees it as gold and white.  The difference in that case is that it is being viewed by two different screens — both having different resolutions and color saturation.

2) A person who sees the dress as black and blue (which are the actual colors) will call someone over and ask them what colors they see.  Almost always the person who comes over stands over the person who is sitting at the computer.  From that angle, the appearance of saturation changes and the semi-complimentary colors of yellow and white appear.  It’s that simple.

Some enterprising — but mindless woman — put a pic on Tumblr or something and within a few hours, a billion people were arguing over the color of an ugly dress.  The dimwit  is happy because — according to Sky News – she “broke the internet.”  Good for her.

For the next year, as a Grand Prize offered by the Opposite-Of-Mensa Society,  she gets to officiate at  ribbon-cutting ceremonies at all the new Piggly Wigglys opening throughout the world.

Additionally,  she gets 1,000 new followers on Tumblr and 200 babies get free heart transplants.

Yes — the DUMBNESS CONTINUES!

 

TV Chef Lidia Bastianich Wearing a Wig.

1041Television chef and alleged slave owner, Lidia Bastianich, has finally done away with the spray-on scalp camouflage auburn-brown for her bald head, and she can now be seen boiling shellfish alive in a buttery rissoto broth while wearing her brand new wig which she had styled by the same man who cuts MSNBC’s Chris Matthews’ real hair.

EDITOR’S NOTE:  Lidia is not wearing a wig per se,  She is wearing a man’s toupee which doesn’t blend in well with her barely existing side hair.  It is, however, nicer than the spray on hair she was using and there is no longer any danger of her dogs dying of lead poisoning from eating the paint chips on her pillow.lydia2

For years, the alleged slave owner/chef, was cursed with a head that looked like a piece of volcanic rock from Mount Vesuvius.    Of course she did have a few wisps of hair, but no one would ever eat anything she made with angel hair pasta for fear that any piece could actually be a piece of Lidia’s falling hair.

According to a source close to the bald TV chef, Lidia started having a hard time organizing dinner parties and luncheons.  Finally she faced the bald truth.

“Nobody would come. If you only knew how many times Lidia’s friends and family bit into a piece of angel hair pasta only to find that it was actually one of the last remaining strands of Lydia’s hair — and she’s no angel.  It got to the point where one could only eat her acclaimed shrimp with angel hair pasta if the guy from the barber shop was there sweeping up around the seats.”

According to what we here at The Damien Zone can measure via the HD plasma screen on which we watch Lidia Bastianich, it’s safe to assume that her head is far too huge and misshapen for most lady’s wigs.   It’s actually kind of funny to see a woman wearing a bad man’s toupee, but the food she was making looked good and the danger of hair in dish was greatly diminished.

A former slave added this little tidbit of information about Lidia’s new hair.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA“Lidia is a huge fan of MSNBC newsman Chris Matthews and when she contacted him about his hair, a style which she admires greatly, Chris referred her to his stylist Raul St. Pierre, who did the best he could to make Lidia’s toupee look like a delicate woman’s hairstyle.  Things seem to working out well,  but now that Lidia has locked the stylist in the basement of her home and making him slave over her new hair, he has no time for Chris Matthews who is starting to look a little unkempt.”

Adolph Hitler Alive in Argentina Until 1990 and Knew Pope Francis.

HitlerNew photographs and stories have appeared on the FBI website which prove that Adolph Hitler did not die in his bunker in 1945.   Not only did he live and flee to Argentina, he died in 1990 — living to the age of 101.

According to eyewitnesses, he was a quiet man who liked  to entertain guests in his lakefront home and loved to make fun of Jimmy Carter who he referred to as, The worst President in the history of the USA.”

The picture on the left is supposedly a snapshot of Hitler taken in 1977.  There are more photos here.

Pictures of Hitler are here and here.  Das Materals.  If that link doesn’t work, there is another link at the bottom of the page.

Of course there is another element to this story that is stranger than fiction.  Read it here because The Damien Zone got  the exclusive interviews.

New information has shown that the defeated Nazi leader fled Germany Days before the Russian army overran his country.  The remains that were found were impostors. There is, however, some reason to believe that Hitler’s wife Eva Braun,  may have actually been killed in the bunker to make the murder-suicide seem more realistic.

According to witnesses who are long dead, Hitler did not kill Eva himself because he placed such a high moral value on human life.  He had someone else do it.   There were witnesses to this and one stated in sworn testimony that Hitler “cringed a little” when he heard the distant gunshot that killed Eva Braun.

According to secret documents,  Hitler fled to Flores, Argentina where he went unnoticed in the crowded and squalid barrio adjacent to Buenos Aires.

According to forensic experts who are now searching for a possible grave or tomb, Hitler shaved the top of his head to appear bald, got rid of the mustache and stopped dying his hair until it grew in gray.  He also changed his named to Hans Mueller where he spoke fluent Spanish and often played with the local children who were very poor and hungry.

Hitler lived a quiet life in a small apartment in Flores for about four years and then he moved to a small lakefront home near the town of Guamini where he lived off the land with another man who has yet to be identified.

Most of the people questioned in this most recent investigation were alive as children and knew Hitler as kindly Hans Mueller who lived in a rundown house with his dog Kiki.  The local kids said he was a nice man who often patted them on the heads and told them to stay out of the sun and to avoid pawn shops.

“Each morning there was a young boy with a donkey and a cart.  His name was Jorge  Bergoglio,  He would deliver milk and eggs to Senor Hans Miller and for that he would be given small amounts of money and a prayer card,” said Herve Florinas who is now 81 and living with his life partner Ramondo in Santiago, Chile.

“As a child. I was always very jealous of Jorge Bergoglio,” continued Florinas.    He always managed to have money and nice clothes while the rest of us were starving and without shoes.  

“One day we tied him up and ate his donkey.  My father used the animal’s hide to make shoes for me and several of the children from the slums.  When Jorge found out, he screamed and cried and stomped his feet.  

“I remember vividly that Hans Mueller found this to be very funny overall but he was annoyed by Jorge’s incessant crying.  Finally Hans Mueller slapped Jorge across the face and yelled, ‘You can act like a man,’ and from then on Jorge became very quiet and religious and he wanted everybody to like him.”

The Damien Zone noticed that Herve Florina’s memory is either not what it used to be,  or maybe he is simply suffering from the ravages of being old and gay in Argentina.    In one sense Herve seemed to enjoy telling his dead donkey story in great detail and poking fun at little Jorge Mario Bergoglio.  But with regards to his brush with Hitler,  he left out the most important ingredient to his story.  Turns out that he didn’t know the best part of his own story.

While little Herve,  may have had the unique experience of knowing Adolph Hitler after WW2,  he was blissfully unaware that he was witness to the strangest paring of people, and the crossing of paths, in the history of the world.

We had to tell him the missing element to his story — one about which he was amazingly surprised.

“I did not know that Jorge Bergoglio grew up to be Pope Francis.  Oh my god, I so totally did not know that.  What a strange coincidence,” said Florinas.

“I was a little confused and hungry at the time I guess and I didn’t put two and two together.  When I knew Hans Mueller, who turned out to be Adolph Hitler, I had only just recently met my life partner in the garbage dump behind our shack.  I guess I was so in love that I didn’t pay attention to Nazis and Popes and things like that. 

“That was in 1946, and who can remember that far back?  I knew that Jorge was an annoying kid and. there was no doubt about that because that’s why we ate his donkey and made shoes with his skin, but I totally didn’t know that the little boy who delivered groceries to Adolph Hitler grew up to be Pope Francis.  Isn’t that something?”

The little boy with the donkey and groceries — Jorge Mario Bergoglio — grew up to be none other than Pope Francis.

It’s true — Pope Francis used to be Adolph Hitler’s delivery boy.

Here is the full story.  http://www.riseearth.com/2015/02/fbi-hitler-didnt-die-fled-to-argentina.html#.VOMkOIz-iDc.facebook

 

Teresa Giudice’s Outrageous Demands in Jail Already.

teresaShe’s only been in the slammer for about one day and already Real Housewives of New Jersey star, Teresa Giudice is making outrageous demands on the prison administrators at the Federal Correctional Prison in Danbury, Connecticut.

Teresa’s first demand resulted in a brief flare of temper from  Inmate Food Services Coordinator  Chenille-Teniqua Jamaal — a woman who has worked hard to get where she is, and is not about to tolerate the “diva” behavior from someone like Teresa.

“She came in here with her hair and the extensions all puffed up and what-not with them eyes of hers so damn low in her hairline like some little play monkey.  She has the nerve, you know what I’m sayin’?   She’s a goddam convicted felon telling me what the f**k  I should be cooking in my facility.  Uh-huh, I’m not dealing with that s**t, no way Jose.”

“She got up in my face and demanded that we serve Celentano brand cavetelli pasta with white sauce and Italian wedding soup and pasta fagioli at least once a week on our menu.”

Chenille-Teniqua Jamaal continued:

“I told her straight up that this ain’t no party.  This ain’t no disco.  This ain’t no foolin’ around — and this certainly ain’t no Italian restaurant or Italian wedding.    I’m like, ‘do I look like I know what the hell Celentano cavetelli and pasta fagioli be,  and like don’t you know that you be in a motherf***in’ prison, girl?’  

“Something ain’t screwed on in that bitch’s head, you know what I’m saying?  We got something like a ape woman or whatever up in here now.”

Chenille-Teniqua Jamaal is not the only staff member at the facility who has already waged war against Teresa.

Television producer and writer Dave Mattia, who has set up shop in the prison to film a feature documentary about Teresa’s entire stay at the jail, has witnessed some really hard core diva performances already.

“We have cameras set up in her quarters that she can turn on and off as she pleases but she waltzes in and wants HER kind of lighting and HER kind of camera aperture.  She wouldn’t know an aperture from the crack in her ass but with her it’s all about control.  

“She complained about her bed and she demanded that one be shipped into her from Roma Furniture in Staten Island.  She wanted this really gaudy white laquer faux Florentine headboard and posts, but she can’t have that because it’s not in my budget or the prison’s budget.

“The prison psychologists have already designed the rooms in an ergonomic way so as to subliminally induce a state of well-being for all the prisoners.   They offered her something similar from Bob’s Discount Furniture, but Teresa said that she would puke out her cavetelli and white sauce before anyone puts discount furniture in her living quarters — and I say ‘living quarters’ to be nice, but let’s face it, she’s living in a cell for chrissakes and she’s not going to get that cavetalli with white sauce either.”

Stay tuned for more stories from our reporters who will check in on Teresa from time to time.  The Damien Zone is certain that the Real Housewife will have much more outrageous demands in the future.

http://thedamienzone.com/?p=8129

Above is a story we did about Teresa over a year ago where doctors pretty much predicted that her behavior was not in the normal range.

Dave Muscato the Atheist Prick is getting cut off.

FatGirlDave Muscato — the publicity director for an organization that has invented itself as “American Athiests “– is getting a sex change.

Yes, the atheist prick will soon be the atheist cunt.  How hard was that to predict?

It’s okay to puke.  That’s what Jesus would do.

Yes, on top of all the other sickening things about this atrocious lump of un-fuckability,  the self-loathing monster –heretofore known as Danielle Mucato — is now venturing even deeper into his misbegotten life and scraping the bottom of the barrel  in a vain attempt to find what’s missing.  He’s outta luck because what is missing is something that doesn’t exist.  There is no THERE there.

The atheist thing wasn’t cutting it for him.    He wasn’t getting the attention he craved.  He wasn’t ENOUGH of a misfit.  He was too close to normal for comfort.  It wasn’t enough to be a fucking annoying douche bag who bashed on Christ and Christians and Christmas — he needed more.  And now, MORE means — chopping off his dick.

ATTENTION:  Dave (Danielle) Muscato, is tearing down that bitch of a tiny dick and putting a vagina where a vagina OUGHT TO BE!  

Naturally my very own brand of malicious and very un-Christian fun starts just by imagining what unimaginable horrors can be wrought from a plain, old hypodermic needle and a  bottle of estrogen.

I mean, these are household items for a lot of people, but can you imagine their use in the case of Dave (Danielle) Muscato?

It promises to be the best Wes Craven movie ever made, and Wes Craven doesn’t even have to be there.   It’s going to make the Christine Jorgenson story look like an evening with Pat Boone and a medically dilating dildo.

Since I am a not a devout and loving Christian, I wish Dave(Danielle) Muscato, the best of luck with its penis removal and subsequent pussy installation.  I am sure everything will go smoothly because how hard can this kind of surgery be?  How hard can it be to remove a pesky little prick from someone who is already a huge cunt?

NOTE:    Do some of you not see the mission of this blog?  Please stop making my job so easy.

 

McWicked and Dave Miller — KICK THIS !

doverWe all know that desperate people often do desperate things.  Sometimes desperate people are simple minions in a desperate industry, and because that industry is quickly getting the go-by as public tastes rapidly change, the industry in question, as a whole,  has to resort to desperate measures.

MCWICKED:  THE STORY OF A GREAT HORSE AND A STUPID RULE THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD RULE.

mcwWRITTEN EXCLUSIVELY FOR THE DAMIEN ZONE BY:  David G. Mattia

The harness racing industry is one of these nouveau desperadoes, and the powers who work within the crypt from which harness racing is now running on some kind of demented remote control,  are taking stupidity and super-heroics to new heights.

They are inventing a crime against horses — a crime which does not exist — and then they punish people for committing this imagined crime so as to reinvent themselves as great purveyors of truth and justice and integrity.

NOTE:   If you could read the squiggly black line of harness racing hypocrisy on a Richter Scale, the needle on the paper would have recorded the sudden destruction of earth’s entire crust about 15 years ago.

Anyway, by inventing crimes against racing that sound like crimes against animals, they punish certain individuals  for these crimes with the strange hope that this imaginary transparency will bring back the $2.00 public –the cheap-seat punters who have fled the grandstands faster than a Ferrari in the Chernobyl Auto Show.

The people who once filled the grandstands and looked upon harness racing as something incredibly interesting and entertaining, now behave as though the whole place has been infected with the Ebola virus and enriched plutonium from Iran.

Strange how just a few days ago, three horses died and a few others had no feet upon which to walk, but no one within the officiating end of the harness racing industry said a word.  It took over a year for concerned civilians to get the  hoofless horses to safety.

Some of those horses would be really happy to have been “kicked” by Dave Miller instead of dremeled by…forget it…never mind.

The powers that be in harness racing are very non-crafty.  They’ll sit quietly by and watch all kinds of strange and terrible things happen to their industry, but let one driver drop a boot from a stirrup and  tickle an athletically gifted horse’s hock in an attempt to win and thereby ensure the integrity of the race, and all hell breaks loose.

EXAMPLE OF STUPIDITY AND HYPOCRISY

A few years ago,  a Mexican-American trainer was handed his walking papers because his horses won too frequently.  More recently, another trainer – probably from good old North American stock – wins pretty much every race and nobody says a word.

Let’s just say that the average trainer and harness racehorse owner who race at certain places in the USA are beholden to one puppeteer and they happily shrug their shoulders with the hope that they’ll pick up a second or third place finish.

The puppeteer even owns horses with the trainer who wins every race, but no one sees that as a conflict of interest — but don’t you dare let your boot brush against a horse’s hock….EVER!

Remember in “GLEN OR GLENDA” when Bela Lugosi’s character shrieks,  “PULL  ZEE STRINGS!  PULL ZEE STRINGS!”   Try to keep that image in your head and enjoy the rest of this insane horror story. 

Are the people who police harness racing  aware of the order in which they place their strange anxieties?  Probably not — because, again,  desperate people often do desperate things.

HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED – THE PLAYERS

There’s a great pacing horse named McWicked.  He is a champion 3-year-old who has done everything right.

He comes from a top stable where he is treated like a king.  When his reign on the track is over, McWicked will stand in stud — something that only happens to about .04% of males harness racehorses.

While in stud, McWicked’s  star-treatment will get bumped up a notch or two.  In other words, IT’S GOOD TO BE  THE KING.

Then there is a harness racing driver named David Miller — one of the greatest harness racing drivers of all time, and a guy who minds his own business and has somehow managed to avoid scandal in an industry where scandals grow as tall as delicious and disease resistant GMO corn.

David Miller has brought nothing but good to harness racing.  He has brought to the track his quiet, unassuming demeanor, and his class, and his great skills at winning races.  That is what he is hired to do and that is what he does.   His racing colors are purple and white and his fans call him “Purple Jesus.”

MILLERFOOT OUGHTHERE IS WHAT HAPPENED –

THE NON INCIDENT.

Last Sunday,  David Miller, drove  McWicked to victory in a very prestigious  $301,650 stakes race at Dover Downs — a racetrack/casino in Delaware, USA.

McWicked won the race like a true champion — going the long, hard route to win  the race in a highly impressive time of 1:48.4  over the distance of one mile.

McWicked has won 21 of his 23 starts and his bank account now stands at  $1,472,000.

For less than two minutes work, Dave Miller, earned $7,541.    Not bad — but that’s why Dave Miller is a champ and why he deserves every cent he earns.

miller footTHE NON-CRIME – DAVID MILLER’S BRUTAL OFFENSE

As the horses hit the top of the stretch in the big race, and it looked like McWicked was really going to have to give it his all — and most horses never do — Dave Miller let his foot drop out of the stirrup and gently tap against the hock of McWicked.   Note that I did not use the word “allegedly” because David Miller admitted to doing this.

While the horses all around him were getting stung by whips, McWicked instead felt a weird thing touching his left hind leg.

For that moment, during the most decisive part of a horse race,  McWicked probably thought, “What the heck is that touching my leg?”   Being an animal who runs on instinct, McWicked hurried along a little.

Sadly, most horses grin and bear the sting of the whip and go nowhere, but tickle their leg with the tip of a boot and some of then will really take off — they give you that little extra UMPH — and sometimes that’s the difference between winning and losing.   To the bettor it’s the difference between cashing in a winning ticket or ripping it up and calling everybody a crook.

The bettors are there to win, and since McWicked was heavily backed by the bettors, it would have really sucked if he didn’t win.  In fact, if David Miller had intentionally tried NOT to win — and it could be proven — he could go to jail.

David Miller does not engage in stupid stuff like that.  He drives to win.  Sometimes he throws in a clunker or the horse he is driving isn’t up to snuff —  but that’s why it’s called horse racing.

In any case, it didn’t matter.   McWicked won the race easily — tickle or no tickle.

So what did David Miller do to McWicked that was so horrible?  

Well, for what it’s worth, David Miller let his boot drop out of the stirrup and tap against McWicked’s hock, and for some insane reason, this is viewed as the cruel violation known as — KICKING THE HORSE.

You might say, “But he didn’t kick the horse,” and you would be 100% correct.  

To kick the horse, Dave Miller would have had to stop the horse during the race, slide out of the sulky, walk up and stand beside the horse and KICK HIM.  Would that hurt the horse?   No, it would not.

David Miller, if he could kick hard enough, would probably just break his own foot in the process — and of course he would lose the race by about 1/2 mile because he stopped to get out of the sulky and literally kicked the horse.

So then why do they have this stupid rule and why is David Miller in trouble?  He didn’t hurt the horse in any way.   What’s the deal here?

MILLERRRREWhy was Dave MILLER issued his “STRIKE ONE” and fined $750.00?  Why was harness racing intentionally humiliating itself simply because a great horse and a great driver combined to put out a great performance for the few remaining fans who care? 

THE REASON FOR THE INSANITY

The deal is that once upon a time there was a driver named Walter who was alleged — and later proved to be for reasons unrelated to horses —  a really bad boy.

Not only was he a really bad boy,  he was perhaps the greatest harness racing driver to sit behind a trotting or pacing horse.   Part of his talent rested on the fact that he knew how to get a horse to put in a top effort just about every time.

Yes, he used a whip, but he wasn’t a brutal enforcer.  He was just a very gifted driver with a great pair of hands, a great sense of pace, and a keen knowledge of his equine and human opponents — but he was a bad boy otherwise.

Like so many extremely talented young people,  the bad boy had demons that  supposedly involved drugs and alcohol and the usual.   He got in trouble for those things and he served out his fines and suspensions — but you can’t have a guy like that around your racetrack, right?   Of course not.

In spite of it all, the bad boy was hanging tough and winning races and annoying the hell out of everybody who had an ax to grind.   He started getting fines and suspensions for kicking his horses.   Well — they had to get him on something, right?  Al Capone killed 10 people but he went to jail for income tax evasion.

So, as the really bad boy’s life went into a downward spiral, and the kicking offenses started to pile up. The really bad boy got in really bad trouble outside of the racing industry and was essentially blown off the map for all eternity.

He deserved what he got, but he didn’t literally KICK horses.  He let his boot brush against their hoof as it passed during the horse’s long stride.  He did this to win, and in spite of all of his demons, the one thing the bad boy didn’t do was cheat or try to NOT win a race.

This incredibly bad boy was loyal to the minions in the grandstand who bet the rent money on him.

Alas, Walter was gone,  but the newly invented and over-used phrase — KICKING THE HORSE lived on.  And it sounded really nasty.  It sounded so nasty that it made anyone who punished a horse kicker look like a knight in shining armor.

I guess this is what happened at Dover Downs. The place is a casino and harness racing is the albatross on its back.  Nobody really goes there to watch the races, but now, like all the other harness tracks in the USA, some crazy people have that weird idea that clearing the races of all  horse kickers will bring in new fans.

They’re wrong.  All they did was make a great race and a great driver look really bad, and they turned a heroic horse into an imaginary tragic victim.  Good grief! 

Who is Monica Thors and Why is Everybody Hating Her?

monica 3Finally  — something horrifically newsworthy in the already troubled  sport of harness racing.  

 

 

MADAM, YOU CUT ME TO THE QUICK — AND THEN SOME.

Written exclusively for TheDamienZone.com by David Mattia <—click on his name and read about him.  He’s very smart.

monica77Have you ever heard of a woman named Monica Thors?  

Odds are that you have not  because she belongs to the widely UNKNOWN and equally UNKNOWING people outside of the racing community wherein she is now looked upon as the most evil horse abuser on the face of the earth.

It’s pretty hard to be the worst horse abuser in harness racing.  It’s like trying to be a Sumo wrestler with the world’s jiggliest man-boobs.   Sure, harness racing has plenty of bad apples but for the most part the average harness racehorse seems to be a happy camper who is tended to by kind and caring people. 

Let’s start by explaining that HARNESS RACING — for the uninitiated – is the kind of horse racing where they have “wheels” and “buggies” and drivers instead of saddles and jockeys.

Yes, I know that I am vastly (and intentionally) over-simplifying any and all descriptions of this kind of horse racing because no matter how intricate and specific I make my description, pretty much no one will know what the hell I am talking about anyway.  

I don’t feel like explaining anything more than to say that Monica Thors is a woman who is connected to horses in several ways.

THIS IS WHAT SEEMS TO HAVE HAPPENED.

Beginning about three years ago, the buzz in and around the world of the trotting and pacing horses, was that  Monica Thors – a very well known personality in racing circles – was keeping a stable of horses who could not walk.  They could not walk because Monica had allegedly cut off their hooves with a dremel tool.

Should I end the story there?

monica2

STOP RIGHT HERE FOR A MOMENT AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH IF YOU DECIDE TO GO ON.

Okay — so you are a thinking and rational human being, right?  And, because you are a thinking and rational being, you are immediately aware of the fact that perhaps this woman has a mental problem and she is probably in need of serious mental help, right?

If your first reaction is to run over to New Jersey USA and cut off Monica’s feet, you are not qualified to read this blog. You are, however, highly qualified to enter into the world of the overly militant animal rights activist who often forgets about the animal and prefers instead to crucify the abuser.

Many of the highly volatile and eye-for-an-eye seekers of animal justice are all too often unable to grasp the fact that some animals suffer and die when the human being who collects them or abuses them might have some kind of mental problem.

Sure you’d like to kick somebody’s ass for animal abuse, but that’s not how we do things in a polite society.

Remember my rule:  You are there to help the animal and not to crucify the abuser — especially if the allegations of abuse lead you to someone who doesn’t seem to be sane enough to see the 800 pound hoofless horse in the room.

OKAY, SO THIS IS WHAT SEEMS TO HAVE HAPPENED.

monica 3Dremel, dremel, toil and trouble.

It was rumored that Ms. Thors was keeping a very tidy stable of horses who had no hooves because Monica Thors had cut them off.   So there you go.  Let’s try to be calm about this.

It has been alleged that Ms. Thors  used a grinder or paring knife or an electric dremel to file those hoofs into nothingness in an effort to cure laminitis — a serious hoof disease that she is alleged to have intentionally caused.   Sounds pretty crazy so far, doesn’t it?

And —  partially because of Ms. Thors’ alleged penchant for whittling away the time by whittling away the feet —  some of the horses either died, or could not stand, or were held aloft by a sling which hung from the ceiling until they perished or were put down by lethal injection.

Whatever the case may be, at least three of the horses died while in the strange care of Monica Thors.

But horses die all the time for all kinds of reasons.  Why did these die?  What was the difference here?

Information about how some of the horses met their death is currently not very clear and we can only hope that they were humanely destroyed, and that the accusations being hurled at Monica Thors are not true. To envision such pain being endured by any animal is a horror beyond all horrors.

If indeed Chronic Laminitis was the problem that led to the blood-curdling lameness and death of these animals, then the dead horses are far better off than the living.

The horses in question — and nobody really knows how many are or were involved in this mayhem — were said to be suffered from a serious disease process of the foot called Laminitis — or in layman’s terms, they were “foundered.”

I’ll save you all the long, boring medical  explanations, but sufficed to say that a horse with laminitis or “founder” is in serious trouble and  usually in excruciating pain because their feet are falling off.

I know that is a very unscientific explanation, but basically that’s the gist of it, and one can easily imagine the pain involved with having a foot (hoof) fall off from the inside out.

With laminitis or founder, the  horse’s coffin bone – the bone deep within the walls of the hoof – begins to rotate downwards due to the inflammation within the vascular structure of the hoof.  Gradually, as the coffin bone rotates and the inflammation worsens, the hoof begins to detach from the vascular structure and it starts to slough off.   Usually the horse dies.  This might be why they call it a coffin bone.   It’s the closest bone to the ground and it is perhaps the most common fatal illness that plagues horses.

There are some effective treatments –medically and mechanically —  and sometimes the process of foundering stops on its own, but once the foundering has begun, the damage is mostly irreparable.   Many  foundered horses have to be put down in spite of dedicated and lengthy medical intervention.  Others live long happy lives with a hoof that looks  weird.

Remember Barbaro?   He broke his leg in the Belmont Stakes a few years ago and the break was surgically repaired to some extent.  

During his “recovery” for that fracture, Barbaro foundered in the opposite hoof because basically that’s what can happen.  It’s a COMPLICATION, and it’s quite likely that the foundered hoof and not the actual broken bone is what ultimately led to the horse being put down.

A horse “founders” or gets laminitis for several known reasons and a myriad of unknown reasons.  The actual mechanism for why this happens to some horses and not to others is not fully understood.

What is understood, however, is that a human being can intentionally cause a horse to founder, and this seems to be what Ms Thors is being accused of doing.   The questions are, “Why would she do this?”

One easy way to make a horse founder is to feed it too much and to then deprive it of exercise.    This is what Monica Thors has been accused of doing by a group of people who have been keeping an eye on Ms. Thors ever since the rumors of abuse started.

When you have a barn full of horses who can’t  walk, people start to notice.

One can also make a horse founder by being a really bad blacksmith.  Ms. Thors has been accused of that too.  She’s been accused of a lot of things.

Allegedly, and according to people who have Monica Thors in their cross hairs,  Ms. Thors either intentionally or stupidly overfed her horses  to the point where their obesity eventually led to founder or laminitis.

In other words, Monica Thors has been accused of doing crazy things that caused her horses to founder and then she stepped in as the super hero who tried to save them — but she  failed — or so it is alleged.

Monica claims that the horses foundered because she used a shoe-glue that caused a bad reaction.   That’s a very real possibility but there’s just a little too much foundering going on at Monica’s barn.

For some unknown and alleged reason, she took the foundered horses and tried to heal them by using a dremel tool to carve away the damaged hooves.

Yes, this is an accepted, life-saving or life-prolonging technique that is sometimes used by skilled blacksmiths and veterinarians, but I know for a fact that Monica Thors is not a veterinarian.

I am not, however,  an authority on who or who is not an expert blacksmith.

According to  the buzz on Facebook and social networking places , Monica has  imagined herself to be a lot of things but being a skilled blacksmith is not one of them.

The sad truth is that no one  is a great healer of laminitis — not yet anyway.

To me, this whole thing looks an awful lot like horse racing’s version of Baron Von Munchhausen.

It is rumored that Thors causes the illness in order to put together all the elements of a great disaster and then she casts herself as the hero in that disaster.  It’s very possible. But,  we’ll leave that for the experts and the laws of the state of New Jersey to determine.

It all boils down to the basic fact that Monica Thors has been accused of some really nasty stuff,  and the evidence against her at this point is overwhelming.

That seems to be the general idea of what’s going on in in the bizarre world of Monica Thors.

Please allow me to again state that we are civilized beings and what I am describing does not sound like the behavior of a normal person. There is something abnormal going on.

 I repeat — As long as we understand each other and we also understand the very basic fact that Ms. Thors could possibly be unwell, we can continue like mature adults and not say things like, “Somebody should cut off her feet!” or “She should die with her body hanging on a sling like her poor horses!”   

Yes, believe it or not, a lot of people in the harness racing business and in animal rescue and on Facebook — the final frontier for every moron on the face of the earth — have said some really nasty things about Monica.  

It’s disturbingly strange how some well-meaning horse rescuers and horse’s rights advocates or plain old animal lovers often fail to address the real issue and prefer instead to spout out hateful words.   How does that help any horse in trouble?  It doesn’t.   It hurts the people who are actually trying to stop Monica Thors from doing whatever it is she is doing.

Anyway, all torches and pitchforks aside, we do not know the full story.  Perhaps we never will.

EDITOR’S NOTE: One social networking site can boast that over 8,000 people have signed on to help them in their quest to get the horses taken away from Monica.  The trouble is that half of these “supporters” are only helping by wishing death and destruction and torture on the woman.  Perhaps the 8,000 should each donate $5.00 to the horse rescue of their choice and just shut up.  

Summation.

Monica Thors — an immigrant from Sweden — arrived on the harness racing scene over 30 years ago and fashioned herself as a high-end horsewoman and equine photographer.  She seemed nice enough and very highly professional.   She even got herself married to one of harness racing’s most famous drivers.

The years went by and Monica Thors continued to do whatever it was that she imagined she could do.  You have to admire her work ethic.  She set out to be the most famous trotting horse photographer in the world and she kind of succeeded.

Monica Thors did indeed photograph dozens and dozens of harness racing champions and she was internationally known for her work at the Meadowlands Racetrack  — the leading harness racing track in North America.

Monica Thors even tried her hands at being a harness racing driver, but that’s a hard nut to crack for a woman in harness racing and that career went nowhere — but at least she tried.

Seems like Ms Thors has tried everything.

Heck,  she’s even making a feature-length documentary called “I AM A HARNESS  RACEHORSE”

So now , on top of everything else, she is a producer-writer-creator – cinematographer – director  and publicist.

THE BORING SEMI-SCIENTIFIC DETAILS.

A horse’s hoof is essentially a big hunk of toenail.  It’s dead tissue and every now and then it needs to be trimmed and shod.  This does not hurt the horse and it’s an essential part of competent and healthy horse care.  A horse’s hoof grows like a toenail — and you have to trim your toenails, right?

Deep within that big toenail of a hoof you will find living tissue — nerves — blood vessels — tendons — bone — and all the things you would find anywhere else in any living creature.   Rarely, a blacksmith might trim or pare a horse’s hoof just a teeny bit too much and he nicks the living part of the foot.

When a blacksmith accidentally does this, it is said that he has “quicked” the horse.  His knife has gone a little too deep and the horse feels a quick flicker of pain and there might be a spot of bright red blood — like a pin prick on your finger.

This is where we get the expression, “You cut me to the quick.”

A horse who has been “quicked” is in no real danger and the problem resolves itself quickly.  Horses get quicked all the time, and a horse who has never been quicked has probably never been trimmed or shod.

Again, trimming and shoeing a horse in captivity is part of basic care of the animal.

Monica’s staunch detractors imply that she has cut her horses to the quick — and then some — because many of her horses have foundered.  I will not show you pictures of what she has supposedly done to horse’s hooves — you can look that up all by yourselves.

There is nothing pretty about laminitis — it’s horrifying.

Yes, it is true — it’s gross.   Sometimes a highly skilled blacksmith can trim out dead hooves as part of the treatment for laminitis, and it does indeed look pretty gruesome, but in Ms. Thors’ case, and in the opinion of a lot of people who want her shut down, she doesn’t know what the hell she is doing.

It’s nearly impossible to believe that Monica Thors is intentionally cruel.  This woman loves horses.  I think there is another element to this story.  It’s very sad for her and sadder still for her horses.

It should be patently clear to anyone with an ounce of common sense that this woman needs some kind of help .  Mental help?  Medical help?  Veterinary help? Financial help?  Something needs to be HELPED.  Something is very unnatural or very poor here.

There is a movement afoot  – so to speak – to have the NJ SPCA haul away any and all of the horses Ms. Thors has left.  Supposedly her family or friends will  come and get her whatever help she  needs.

The trouble is that it’s not an easy thing to do.  In fact, it’s virtually impossible to force someone into a shrink’s office, and it’s hard to prove — in this case — that Monica is intentionally abusing her horses.

The horses – plus 21 cats and a goat – belong to Monica and as far as helping these creatures go,  the NJ SPCA seems to be dragging their heels — just like some of Monica’s horses.

Listen — Allow me to repeat this.  It’s not easy to take away someone’s pets and it’s nearly impossible to get someone put in a mental health facility or to even have a clinician examine them without their consent.

Ms. Thors is a highly intelligent woman and she puts forth a very authoritative and knowledgeable persona. People are easily charmed by her.

My belief is that the lynch mob that wants to see her drawn and quartered, are much too angrily unaware of legislative laws and the laws of logic.  They are not helping any animals with their vitriol.

The folks in charge of fixing the Monica situation are doing good work, but they are attracting a lot of crazy people in the process.

That’s what happens when well-meaning people try to save baby seals and panda bears and horses with no feet.  They attract attention, and with that attention you draw in  the real crazies.

The world is filled with crazy people waiting for their big moment.  Halloween just isn’t cutting it anymore in New Jersey.

But seriously, the sick horses can be put out of their misery in an instant, but what happens then to Ms. Thors?

I truly believe that if Ms. Thors were to arrive at her barn, in the state that I believe she is in, and finds her horses taken away or euthanized, she could easily snap.

Thankfully, Monica Thors has never, to my knowledge, shown to be violent or volatile, but how far can a person push themselves and then allow themselves to be pushed by others?

Be careful what you wish for, folks.    You think this is ugly now?  Wait until you see what might happen next. Every great act has an even greater encore, and this is one I don’t want to see.

Written exclusively for TheDamienZone.com by Dave Mattia <—click on his name and read about him.  He’s very smart.

 

 

 

Toni Braxton Black Friday Story is TRUE 100%

toniSinger, Toni Braxton, was recently blasted by myth-busters and urban legend debunkers when she stated she would not shop on Black Friday.   Braxton mentioned that the origins of the expression Black Friday came from the days of slave auctions — days when auctioneers would sell slaves at a discount.

Thank you to  this Hollywood writer for sending us on the right path to truth — click to read his quick bio — he is a smart guy – –> Dave Matt

Her claim was quickly dismissed by whomever it is that dismisses or debunks certain things, and it was quickly pointed out (incorrectly) that the term Black Friday actually started in the 1960s when police began referring to mad traffic jams on the day after Thanksgiving and it had nothing to do with the slave trade.

Well guess what?  TONI BRAXTON IS RIGHT!   The term Black Friday started in the slave trade and was again brought back into use in the 1930s and 40s when white merchants demanded a cut of black merchants weekly receipts — and historians know it.  Why is it being denied?

The term Black Friday was used during the slave trade to describe Friday afternoons in Port Au Prince, Haiti and Havana, Cuba as far back as the 16th century.   These were days when large amounts of slaves who had gone unsold were given one last chance on the auction block before the ships departed for Louisiana.

“It was thought to be too expensive to keep slaves around who were injured or sick or old and they had these sales in the two major ports that were used to unload slaves at very cheap prices,” said historian “Raymond Totondi” — a physician and research genealogist who works at the Skylight Institute for Historical Enlightenment in Bern, Switzerland.

“People with less money that the average slave owner would converge on these sales and the streets would be crowded to overflowing.   Most people could not afford to buy slaves but an average person would take a chance for $60.00 in silver for a slave who could not walk or was lame, and use him as a shoe repairman or a to operate a sewing machine or a loom.  Many old women were used as housekeepers and maids by white families of modest means as a way to boost their status in the community. ” 

Totondi continued:

“There was no way they would ship these people back to Africa or to other parts of the Caribbean, so they reserved Fridays –usually the last Friday of the month — for selling this kind of overstock in  human trade.  The problem was that so many people were seeking bargains that most of the slaves who were being sold went for more than market value.”

“Even still, the market place was so crowded with onlookers and bargain hunters that local businesses thrived.  It was then decided to have these Black Friday sales once a month and each slave would actually be bought by a fake bidder.   It became a big ruse and continued for nearly 60 years.

“The real intention was to drive people to the market place to drive up the local economy.  When the sale of these fake slaves was over and the local merchants counted out their daily earnings for goods, they had to give 20% of their profits to the slave sales company.   Handing this money over to the slave traders angered the local merchants and they too started to call these days Black Friday because they felt that they were being robbed by the slave traders.  They said the salve traders had black hands — hands tarnished by coins and always held out demanding their cut.  Later, the term Black Hand traveled to Italy where it was used to describe extortion or protection rackets.”

So there you have it, folks.  Toni Braxton’s story is NOT an urban legend.  Of course a lot of big business wants you to think it’s all an urban legend, but it is not.

According to another historian, the term Black Friday entered back into the language during the Great Depression when black owned shops and poultry farmers in the south started having to pay “protection” money  to merchants with bigger businesses.  Most of the small businesses were owned by Blacks and they had to hand a certain amount of money over to the local white merchants so they could stay in business.  They were warned that it would be a “Black Friday” if they didn’t pay.

Toni Brxton — you were right !

Holiday Haters – You’ve Got To Love Them.

haters

David-Damien Mattia :  Reporting for TheDamienzone.com

Gobble Gobble and Ho Ho Ho — it’s that time of year again, folks.

Whoa!  Before you start stuffing your bird and hanging your cheap, twinkling icicle lights,  please know that this little blog entry is not really “about” Thanksgiving or Christmas, it’s about all the alleged mind-manipulating shopping and big business controversies and ersatz super-greed that gets plopped on your Facebook page every- f***ing-day-of-the-week.

“Basically, it’s about the thoroughly unhappy people who happily hate on essentially happy people just because it makes them happy.” [David-Damien Mattia].

It’s about American Mediocrities ( an actual race of people) battling with other various and sundry Mediocrities over bargain TVs and laptops and iPads, while unhappy Uber-Mediocrities — who consider themselves to be above Mediocrity — stand aside and complain about it all on Facebook or Reddit or wherever else misfits go to feel high and mighty and ritzy about themselves.

It’s not hard to find this repetitive and unimaginative and Mary Mary Quite Contrary shit.  It’s usually between the rants about some other heinous injustices about which they really don’t give a shit.

Some people are just too f***ing hip to live on earth, right?

It’s also about childishly intrusive atheists getting really angry about something that – in their opinion – does not exist.    Think about this.  Some people openly and defiantly do not believe in any gods or monsters so they hate them. Can anyone tell me how that makes any sense?

I always suspect that overt and in-your-face atheists have some other kind of mental health issues.  There is nothing wrong with not believing in gods or monsters, but when you make that your cause in life, odds are that there is something not right in your head.

Conversely, it’s also about once-or-twice-a-year religious people getting pissed off at the inexplicable ideas and perceived intrusions of the atheists.

Anyway, it’s about mayhem, and cancelled flights and families stuck in a 20-mile traffic jam while the dead bodies of another family are pulled from the wreckage of a car that didn’t quite make it to Grandma’s house.

It’s about exasperation and disgust and poor preparation and unhappy relationships and breaking bread with the very same people you try hard to avoid all year long.

Okay, you were right the first time.  It’s about Thanksgiving and Christmas.

It didn’t used to be like this, and it doesn’t have to be like this today — especially the gift shopping aspect.

Here’s why.

Way back in the old days, when company owners and executives were not evil and not looking only to make a profit,  Macy’s and Gimble’s and Bamberger’s were really just mon ‘n pop shops run by sweet and kindly merchants who  paid the men and women  in their employ with bountiful and generous amounts of money.

These kindly, white European males did not discriminate against minorities and they did not sexually harass the employees.  Everything was happy and fluffy.  Again, the old days were great because Happy Holiday People and the people who helped them to be happy were not evil businessmen.

STOP!

Of course they were evil businessmen!  They were penny-pinching monsters — but they didn’t have 400 million miserable and moronic jerks  pecking away on Facebook and Twitter and wherever the f**k else morons unite for the purpose ruining the whole thing for the hapless but happy idiots who friend them in various social medias, and then have to read their annoying and icon-smashing shit every freaking day — over and over and over and over.

Yes, unhappy people,  we so need you to constantly remind us that everything sucks and that Jesus is fake and the nativity scene is the most offensive thing that mankind every created.   Yes — it’s even worse than the atomic bomb.

Yes, we need you to remind us and the world that Christmas is a Pagan holiday and that Jerry Seinfeld’s idea of a Festivus pole is good and wholesome and better than anything.

We need to know on your every goddam status update all about how the horrible European Pilgrims  were really just evil white European men who gave venereal diseases to Native Americans.

Yes, we really need to hear that shit from you every time you sit down at the computer with some kind of infantile ax to grind.

It’s like Melvin Udall says in the film “AS GOOD AS IT GETS” – “What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you’re that pissed that so many others had it good.”

If you’re wondering why Republicans hammered the Democrats in the last election, maybe you should think about how freaking annoying you are and how your spitefully moronic and often vicious opinions sent GOP voters to the polls like ants to a picnic.  Pissing people off is a great way to get them to go out and vote — against YOU.   Is that so hard to figure out?

Now that I got that off my chest, let’s start with the positive stuff, okay?   It’s always best to start at the beginning, and what could be better than starting on the upside?

So, guess what, all you holiday-hating jerks out there? And I know this is going to really sting — like iodine– but a lot of people truly enjoy Christmas and Thanksgiving and all the other holidays that fall into the realm of this winter thingamajig thing that we do.

Yes, there are people who love this holiday season, and they truly enjoy themselves.  They are content to believe in God and Pilgrims and great wise Indian chiefs who could share the spirit of the wolf.   Bless their hearts.

Yes,  and now you can even buy gasoline and convenience food on Christmas and Thanksgiving because people from various cultures which exist outside of Christianity and other American stuffs, open their pumps and milk refrigerators to accommodate you and to earn money for themselves and their families.

Why are some people just happy?   How can this be possible?

Let me explain.

Happy-Holiday-People are able to go about with their Happy Holiday because they are not preoccupied with their own fetid frustrations about god or gods or the Koch brothers or Sam Walton or Christopher Columbus’ opinions on social equality — or any combination therein.

They’re happy because they don’t busy themselves posting endless, half-invented and  me-me-me bullshit all over Facebook.  And they somehow manage to overlook you and your uninformed Daily Kos opinions about how the evil corporations are ruining the whole concept of Thanksgiving by staying open for business.

Doesn’t that suck?  Doesn’t it make you sick when other people have fun and family and gifts and cakes and good health and love and mirth and puppies and kittens and love and giving?    Does it suck so much that you have to be a complete ass wipe and screw up everything with your negativity and miserable-ness?

Grow up and pretend to enjoy something — for chrissakes.  You’re not too hip for the room.  If you were, you wouldn’t be reading this.  The fonts are too ordinary.

 

 

Matthew Todd Miller – Portrait of an American Misfit.

saint gerard finalDisclaimer:  If Matthew Todd Miller is really just a spy masquerading as a freak of nature, I hereby withdraw this entire opinion piece.

“This numbskull — and I am sure there is a clinical term for what’s actually wrong with him — has returned from a psycho trip to North Korea where he should have been left to eat golden retrievers and rice, but was instead returned home like a conquering hero.  Saint Gerard never got that kind of treatment — and he cured sick and dying people for chrissakes. 

“Matthew Todd Miller is a guy who looks like a third-tier Gap print model or a demented Catholic saint, and he should be locked up in a nuthouse until such time that he is fit to live among normal people.  The final irony is that he tried to run away and live among abnormal people — which is where he belonged — but the USA and a lot of other highly strange people with odd intentions got him sprung from the nuthouse called North Korea.  Can you beat that?”  

So — don’t you just hate it when mentally sick misfits and losers and weirdos become celebrated American martyrs?  I do– and it happens all the time.

I mean, think about it.  You work hard your entire life and for the most part, aside from friends and family and a few passing strangers, nobody notices you for 80 or so years unless you do something really right or something really really really wrong. A murder conviction doesn’t count all that much because, unless it’s an infamous case, you’ll have to settle for a small advertisement of your life on some small town police blotter.

Actually, the “doing something really really really right” part doesn’t count either, because a lot of people do really right things all the time — and nobody cares. Of course you know the the old saying:  No good deed goes unpunished.

It is true, however, that a really well-placed REALLY RIGHT thing can, at the very least, make you a brief sensation on Facebook or YouTube where the simpletons of the world live only to share and comment and wallow in maudlin sentiment, but that’s the most fleeting fame of all.

You can, for example, donate a kidney to a homeless person and you’ll get half a million shares from people who will have “cried when they saw this” but soon they’ll forget all about it as that story moves down and out through their timeline.  In a few weeks you’ll be left with your fame all spent and your one remaining kidney working double duty.

Then what do you do?  Well, you can hire Montel Williams to go to bat for you, but that gets costly – like the PayDay Loans he shills for on TV commercials — the loans with the 409% interest.   If you think I’m exaggerating, you can look that up.

Anyway, you raise a family, but your sons and daughters are more or less born into the same fate as you.  To quote Quentin Crisp, “You fall from your mother’s womb and roll across the ground under enemy fire until you drop into your grave.”

Sad, but true.

In spite of your best intentions, your children and their children will live their lives virtually unnoticed whilst doing a lot of good things or a couple of really bad things.

Your son could be really great at his job, but his name will never be mentioned in the New York Times or the National Enquirer.  He might get a nod in a trade magazine or something, but the USA will never send an Air Force  jet to pick him up somewhere in the world should he lose his credit cards or his mind.

Of course the USA has its natural born Killer Misfits — like the Columbine freaks — and other assorted dopey teenagers with naive notions who go about destroying lives and killing people.  But then, after the dust settles down at the cemetery and CNN, a lot of people forget that some people are just psycho misfits who should have never been born.

Blame for the Killer Misfit is placed on things like gun control or Prozac or computer gaming.  Incredibly, the misfit who is/was really just a psychopath, rises to great fame because his madness had been attached to all the beloved accouterments that belong to stupid people who believe in stupid things.  I would say that 50% of people with some kind of “cause” are at least a little nuts, or barring all nuttiness, they’re just stupid and they’ve got whatever it is their championing all backwards. It’s play acting.  It’s Darla and Alfalfa putting on a show.

It’s understandable why people like the Columbine Killers and Timothy McVeigh and The Menendez Brothers and even Lee Harvey Oswald rise to great notoriety, but what about the others?  What about the harmless misfits or oddballs who fly under the radar until they do something that’s just plain f***ing annoying?

Take, for example, the most recent misfit named Matthew Todd Miller — a kooky 25-year-old loon who looks amazingly like Saint Gerard Majella — the Roman Catholic Patron Saint of pregnant women.

Matthew Todd Miller is an American misift  — the annoying variety.  In real life he would be trying to be an actor or model or maybe he’d just work in retail as a confirmed bachelor, but instead he decided to visit North Korea and rip up his American passport with the added fun of “seeking asylum.”

Can you imagine this? This isn’t even funny — this is sick.  Even the maniacs in North Korea were able to notice his “hostile acts” and charge him criminally.

It’s very appropriate for Mary Todd Lincoln…I mean Matthew Todd Miller…to look a lot like a famous Roman Catholic saint because a lot of the saints were pretty nutty too.  It’s not easy to be made a saint, and a little lunacy doesn’t seem to have hurt the careers of any of those who have been chosen for sainthood.  This doesn’t mean that the crazy ones were bad people. It just means that you had to be a little nuts to lay down with lepers or see visions of Jesus or Mary or whomever.  But, if the end justifies the means, it’s okay.

Naturally we don’t know the whole story behind Matthew Todd Miller’s lunacy, and we’ll have to wait for his book to come out in March.  In a perfect world,  Matthew Todd Miller will marry Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi at the church of Saint Gerard Majella, and Fox News’ Greta Van Susteren — bless her heart — will have enough material for a month’s worth of shows.

One last thing.  I am not forgetting the other guy who got sprung from North Korea — Kenneth Bae.  He’s just an innocent missionary — that’s another word for “spy” — but that’s just my kooky opinion.  I love spies.  I think we should have them all over the place.  You can never have enough spies — or saints.

A website dedicated to human stupidity and dumbness