“Don’t feel sad that you’ve been duped and you’re basically a stupid idiot. Even the old raggedy folk singer Janis Ian shared it on her Facebook wall — and she got 300,000 likes. Wow, wouldn’t you like to be able to do that — even with a fake story?
Of course, this is not the first time Janis Ian has fooled the entire world with a fake story. Back in the 1960s with her song “Society’s Child” she had the whole world fooled into thinking that some imaginary black guy would want to f**k her. And now, in her 80s or something, she has converted to Lesbianism — so the whole point is moot.” [Damien LeGallienne]
The Facebook Simpletons are at it again, folks, and this time the fake quote of the year has been attributed to none other than Meryl Streep. You know — MERYL STREEP — the old actress who sits in the front row at every Academy Award ceremony and anoints, with just a nod of her enlarging head and crooked razor nose, the next big Hollywood actress.
Meryl is greatly admired by people who think that being able to do bad impersonations of foreign or regional accents is the hallmark of great talent. Meryl Streep, through no real fault of her own, is the champion of the stupid. She is the favorite of fat housewives, people with no taste in cinema, and now, with her latest portrayal of the drunk and pill popping mother of a dysfunctional family, she is the darling of all passed middle-aged confirmed bachelors who dutifully do the grocery shopping with their elderly mothers.
So anyway, what is all the fuss? The fuss is about a big and magically inspirational (not) quote/essay that is floating around under a photo of Miss Streep. You know the drill, right? Somebody shared it to your Facebook wall and you were so moved and so touched and so enlightened and so goddam stupid that you shared it.
The quote starts out like this:
MERYL STREEP SAID — “I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with…etc” NO SHE DID NOT! IT’S FAKE!
That’s as far as I will go — because aside from the fact that it’s fake, it’s stupid and simplistic and maudlin and it’s EVERYWHERE! Why is it everywhere? It’s everywhere because it is written the way psychics make predictions or Astrologists write hororscopes. They use some kind of magical force that reaches far beyond the mind of the Facebook Simpleton and suddenly everything they say applies to you. You can’t believe how much you and Meryl Streep think alike. You’re kindred Simpletons. That has to be somewhat comforting, right?
What? You can’t believe you were duped? Of course you can’t. If you COULD believe it, you would never have been duped in the first place. Hush…it’s okay…it’s okay. You are a Simpleton, my humble reader, and there is nothing wrong with you other than the sad fact that you’re a FSWS — Facebook Simpleton Who Shares. There are millions of you. You aren’t alone, and if you’re not alone, you’re okay.
Notwithstanding the dumbness of so many people who share this eternally dumb shit, when does it end? I mean, when do you finally figure it out? When do you learn to see the obvious fake quotes?
I sometimes wonder if this kind of internet stupidity isn’t some kind of terminal illness — after all, even a rat with an electrode drilled into its skull eventually learns which lever to push to get the cheese.
But — lab rats are decidedly more intelligent than the Facebook Simpleton Who Shares, and unless they bite you with mouths full of sewer bacteria, the lowly rat is not anywhere near as dangerous as the Facebook Simpleton Who Shares.
Okay, you want to be liked, so you spread misinformation and fake stories with nary a care about truth or accountability. But that is as it should be. It’s the way the average person goes through life simply because the average person is a Simpleton.
It might not be so bad after all when you think about it. I mean, if you are reading this, maybe there is hope for you.
In other words, if you are reading this, you might – A) Have a serious problem separating fact from fiction and you go through life like a sewer rat or – B) You’re not as dumb as most of your cousins and high school friends or their kids or their videos of cats and grandchildren or people pouring buckets of water on their heads.
Getting back to the quote, which was actually written by some Portuguese bullshit artist for one reason or another, I could dissect the whole thing and show you why the mindless people in our midst are swayed and swooned by the maudlin sentiment therein, but I don’t have time. It’s enough for you to know that just about everyone on your Facebook page, including Janice Ian, is, to some degree or another, a Facebook Simpleton Who Shares.
NOTE: Commenting on this blog is easy — I don’t put you through hoops to speak your mind. I don’t care how much you insult me or hate me. And, unlike most bloggers, I often respond. Yes, it’s true. I often take the time out to respond to both my fans and my haters. Not an easy task either since I get about 100,000 readers per month.