Trey Gowdy’s New Hairstyle Saves The World.

treyIn  his unyielding quest to locate Hillary Clinton’s deleted emails, South Carolina Congressman Trey Gowdy has had to pull his thinning wisps of hair into a swirling beehive — and the fashion police  LOVE IT!

“Trey is a lot like Veronica Lake,” said one Washington DC insider.

It seems that During World War II, Veronica Lake cut and pulled up her famous peekaboo locks to show American women that long hair can be a hazard on the job.

At the time many women were copying Veronica Lakes luxurious hairstyle, but since many of these women had to work in factories that supplied planes and trucks and weapons to the military for the war effort, the long hair could get caught in the machinery.

In a true patriotic attempt to hold back the Nazis and the Japanese, Veronica Lake sacrificed her golden locks for the war effort.

In a sense that is what Trey Gowdy has done.  He has wrapped his hair up in a twisted knot so he can lean close to the business of finding Hillary Clinton’s long lost emails, and for that patriotism, we salute him.

Dress Color HOAX! Yes, “Dressgate” is a HOAX!

More proof of how stupidity and dumbness is alive and very well in the world — and this time it’s all over a dress.  Heaven help us all.

dressThe latest — and most wildly aggressive – non-issue to saturate the empty sponge heads of Facebook simpletons ( a distinct ethnic group unto itself) and the various and sundry misfits throughout the electronic cloud of dumbness, involves a cheap, shitty dress that looks to be blue and black to some people, and gold and white to others.    Wow — this is serious stuff, folks.  This is freaking amazing!  It’s a geyser of important information.

The whole craze spread throughout the USA and elsewhere in one day — ONE FREAKING DAY!  The trouble is that the whole thing is a complete waste of time and one of those weird light tricks that is being passed off as hoax.

dress2“I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner,”  said Dr. Raymond Totondi of the Skylight Institute for Physiological Research in Switzerland.

“The dress seems to be obviously blue and black to a person sitting at one computer, and then it appears to be gold and yellow to others at another computer or even the same computer.  

“The color change, however, is not indicative of some brain differences or anything to do with personality or temperament as some have claimed.   That is where this meme enters into hoax territory.  It’s simple logic and knowledge about how computer screens work. 

“Make no mistake, it’s a hoax, but only because it’s being presented to the public as some eerily strange phenomenon.” 

In a nutshell, here is what Dr, Totondi explained, and why he sees this whole issue as a hoax-ish fad that will eventually die away.

Here is why it’s blue or black or gold and white, and why you should pay more attention to the color of your stool than to the color of this slutty dress.

1) A person who sees the dress as black and blue will email it to another person who sees it as gold and white.  The difference in that case is that it is being viewed by two different screens — both having different resolutions and color saturation.

2) A person who sees the dress as black and blue (which are the actual colors) will call someone over and ask them what colors they see.  Almost always the person who comes over stands over the person who is sitting at the computer.  From that angle, the appearance of saturation changes and the semi-complimentary colors of yellow and white appear.  It’s that simple.

Some enterprising — but mindless woman — put a pic on Tumblr or something and within a few hours, a billion people were arguing over the color of an ugly dress.  The dimwit  is happy because — according to Sky News – she “broke the internet.”  Good for her.

For the next year, as a Grand Prize offered by the Opposite-Of-Mensa Society,  she gets to officiate at  ribbon-cutting ceremonies at all the new Piggly Wigglys opening throughout the world.

Additionally,  she gets 1,000 new followers on Tumblr and 200 babies get free heart transplants.

Yes — the DUMBNESS CONTINUES!

 

TV Chef Lidia Bastianich Wearing a Wig.

1041Television chef and alleged slave owner, Lidia Bastianich, has finally done away with the spray-on scalp camouflage auburn-brown for her bald head, and she can now be seen boiling shellfish alive in a buttery rissoto broth while wearing her brand new wig which she had styled by the same man who cuts MSNBC’s Chris Matthews’ real hair.

EDITOR’S NOTE:  Lidia is not wearing a wig per se,  She is wearing a man’s toupee which doesn’t blend in well with her barely existing side hair.  It is, however, nicer than the spray on hair she was using and there is no longer any danger of her dogs dying of lead poisoning from eating the paint chips on her pillow.lydia2

For years, the alleged slave owner/chef, was cursed with a head that looked like a piece of volcanic rock from Mount Vesuvius.    Of course she did have a few wisps of hair, but no one would ever eat anything she made with angel hair pasta for fear that any piece could actually be a piece of Lidia’s falling hair.

According to a source close to the bald TV chef, Lidia started having a hard time organizing dinner parties and luncheons.  Finally she faced the bald truth.

“Nobody would come. If you only knew how many times Lidia’s friends and family bit into a piece of angel hair pasta only to find that it was actually one of the last remaining strands of Lydia’s hair — and she’s no angel.  It got to the point where one could only eat her acclaimed shrimp with angel hair pasta if the guy from the barber shop was there sweeping up around the seats.”

According to what we here at The Damien Zone can measure via the HD plasma screen on which we watch Lidia Bastianich, it’s safe to assume that her head is far too huge and misshapen for most lady’s wigs.   It’s actually kind of funny to see a woman wearing a bad man’s toupee, but the food she was making looked good and the danger of hair in dish was greatly diminished.

A former slave added this little tidbit of information about Lidia’s new hair.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA“Lidia is a huge fan of MSNBC newsman Chris Matthews and when she contacted him about his hair, a style which she admires greatly, Chris referred her to his stylist Raul St. Pierre, who did the best he could to make Lidia’s toupee look like a delicate woman’s hairstyle.  Things seem to working out well,  but now that Lidia has locked the stylist in the basement of her home and making him slave over her new hair, he has no time for Chris Matthews who is starting to look a little unkempt.”

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