The Damien Zone

Seaside Heights, New Jersey police have found giant pea pods in the basement of the home shared by the MTV cast of “Jersey Shore”  and they belong to Snookie — an alien life form. DNA tests on the pods have proven that they are genetic reproductions of several muscular Guidos who have been reported missing over the past several years.  Further investigation by local authorities led police to a space ship that was hidden deep in the New Jersey Pine Barrens where

“I’m where I should have always been,” said the gay man’s and lonely fat girl’s true  heroine ,Sarah Jessica Parker from a recording studio on Long Island.  “I should have done this a long time ago.  I feel good.  The mole on my chin has grown back and my face is growing more and more abnormally long like the doctors told my parents it would when I was born.  I’m where I want to be.” These are pretty glib words considering that

First they let Jack and Bobby get away with murder and rape and mayhem with Marilyn Monroe.  Then they were all for oil free energy but they didn’t want the wind required turbines in their water.   Now, despite years of animal rights activism and liberal politics  in The Bay State, the dopey people of  Massachusetts want the  happy and cute seals who have taken up residence on their New England shores —–TO DIE! This week residents were ecstatic to see great white sharks treading the surf at Chatham

Not one midget was killed on 9-11 <——click here. “We just don’t think that midgets should be down here trying to do what normal people do,” said New York City subway patrolman John Brady as he kicked a midget dressed as Michael Jackson in New York Penn Station.   “It’s an insult to Michael Jackson and people of average height  and to all the people from five foot two to six feet seven who got killed on 9-11.  We don’t even want the mayor

The scaffolding being erected around Leonardo DiCaprio’s head is not being done by carpenters as one would assume.  Rather,  it’s being assembled by a team of neurosurgeons who are desperately trying to stop DiCaprio’s over-sized cranium from lifting off and falling onto his shoulders.  or perhaps shooting off into space. “If  the top of his gigantic head should seperate it could fall onto his shouders,” said Dr. Falko Strenz of the Hospital For Advanced Huge Head Studies.  “No matter whicc

As the sun rises over the 10,000 block of Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, California, singer Barry Manilow lies in a recovery room after undergoing the final in a series of complex reconstructive surgeries that have converted him from a human being to a seagull and finally to the rarely seen Pacific Leather Vested Whooping Crane. TheDamienZone.com last reported that Manilow was enjoying life as a seagull and that last night’s surgery would be the last in his conversion.  Over

After several operations in which singer Barry Manilow is attempting to transform himself into a rare seabird,  Manilow appeared on a beach in Dana Point, California to answer reporter’s questions.   “Currently I am still a work in progress,” said Manilow.  “At this point I am just a seagull or, to be more precise, I am a Pacific Tern, but later today I will have another surgery and hopefully my dream plan will be hatched.”   Barry Manilow has been enduring a harrowing  series of plastic surgeries that