The Damien Zone

Incarcerated temporary lesbian, Lindsay Lohan, has made it clear that her father Michael Lohan is not welcome to visit her in jail.  She also has not had visits from super creepy Hollywood parasite Samantha Ronson and other assorted grubs who have used her and made her life a fucking mess.

From Facebook:   Carol Leifer Are you f’in kidding me?!? Janet Jackson doing ads for Blackglama fur?!? NASTY, Miss Jackson. You just lost a fan forever. 🙁 Carol Leifer, once a comic but now better known for looking like Ruth Buzzi, has publicly denounced Janet Jackson for doing an advertisement for fur. Janet Jackson is unavailable for comment but sources say that she is willing to make peace with Leifer and her pit bull loving minions on facebook and wherever else she

He says it’s just a formality but somebody’s got the “juice” on this guy and he’s protecting his ass.   As they say, “The bigger the lock the bigger the crook.”

The Los Angeles County Coroner’s Office has determined that Simon Monjack died from acute pneumonia and severe anemia, which eerily are the same two conditions that caused the death of his wife, Brittany Murphy, late last year.  This cause of death can only happen when a vampire doesn’t drink enough blood, and with the proliferation of vampires amongst Hollywood’s young folk, this condition is becoming more and more common.  They simpy can’t eat each other and the blood in Europe is

A Nigerian couple in England are the proud parents of what appears to be a white infant.   The baby was born with blond hair and blue eyes and looks an awful lot like the late actor  Corey Haim.   Scientists in England were a bit befuddled but as soon as the baby started asking for Corey Feldman the mystery was solved.   Things will get complicated when the new Corey gets old enough to look down and see that he’s returned as a girl.

  A lesbian student who was really an animated doll that which was fashioned from the exhumed reamins of Elvis has been paid  $35,000 to settle a discrimination lawsuit the ACLU filed on her behalf because she/he/it fucked up the wholesomeness of a quite country prom by being a big, pushy lesbian zombie. The district also agreed to follow a non-discrimination policy as part of the settlement, though it argues such a policy was already in place but it did not take

SOMEDAY SOMEBODY IS EITHER GOING TO THANK THIS JUDGE OR AT LEAST GIVE HER CREDIT FOR TRYING TO SAVE LINDSAY LOHAN. HEAR YE! HEAR YE!  HEAR YE!!  I am NEVER wrong!  I predicted that this new lawyer Stuart V. Goldberg was poisonous and his “we’ll get them” routine was only going to get Lindsay Lohan in more trouble and it almsot did.  For some reason Goldberg mysteriously vanished into the night.  Robert Shapiro showed up for a second or two, and